Thread: Recent split from army boyfriend, advice please

Has he contacted you at all?
I take issue with you saying that you'd be happy playing second fiddle. Isn't that just exacerbating your insecurity? You, like everyone, deserve to have someone who loves you completely and is capable of putting you first. It seems very romantic that you're the girl waiting at home for him, but as you live it longer and longer and you hit that deployment and you realize that you won't see him for months - you realize it really isn't romantic. It's lonely and sometimes very pathetic. And it's sometimes the manifestation of a controlling nature in the man. They have to have someone at home, they don't care who, while they're away. You should be thankful your ex wasn't like that.
Unless you have a very nice job that you couldn't relocate, I find it strange that he wouldn't want you to come live with him on base or near to him. Officers can cohabit with people who aren't their spouses, not like enlisted who have to be married to live off base. How far is it from your hometown to his station? It must not be far if he comes home every weekend, but it's much nicer to come home to someone every night than just on weekends.
It seems to me he was doing both of you a favor, unless you notice that he has since moved on to another woman or something like that. Unmarried officers get the shaft on missions and deployments a lot, since they "don't have a wife and kids."
I suggest you give yourself some time to heal and then move on. That time to heal may take days, weeks, months ... even years. You don't have to date anybody to "move on," just don't make yourself utterly miserable. Most people feels like they'll never get over it when they are in a break-up. But very few stay so miserable for the rest of their lives. If he decides to contact you and get back together while you're letting yourself heal - great. But I wouldn't count on it ... counting on it isn't very healthy for you.
Hope things work out for the best. Keep us posted.

No he hasn't contacted me as of yet and its been 2 weeks, thank you Little for your advice It really has helped me. Like I said I think he wanted the best of both worlds, I know how he felt about me but maybe that was not enough in the current situation, he is currently based about 1 hour away but that changes in december. Im spending time on myself and time with my friends. I finish uni in 4 months time and im applying for jobs I have so much in front of me right now and so much to look forward to!

I'm going to put my foot in mouth because I've assumed you were from the US - but now I think maybe you're from the UK?
Things may be different over there with rules and deployments, even with soldiers' attitudes. All my experience with the military comes from the US - laws and regulations, that sort of thing. I don't really know how universal some of it is.
But after any breakup, it's best to do just what you're doing. It's the best way to heal.

Yeah I am from the UK, in the british army you have to be married to co - habit in the forces house. He said he didnt want me moving round to bases where I would be isolated from my family and friends, which would really come to the fore when he was away on exercise and deployment and in the future with him / us wanting children he didnt want to disrupt them every 2 years.
Im getting to the point of thinking it wasn't that the love was gone between us, it really does feel very situational his lifestyle fueled my insecurity but my therapy is helping that. Same people different time it could have all been very different. I know he is hurting as much as I am, I wasn't quite aware of how much I meant to him till the split. I love him with all of my heart but I need to focus on me otherwise it will tare me apart.