Friendship faux paux?
One of my friends is getting married late summer. Of course there will be bridal showers, bachelorette party, and other pre-wedding affairs. Now they have bought a house together, and she has decided to also have a house warming party.
I bought a home last year, but knowing how tough times are right now, I didn't want to have a house warming party because I knew whomever I invited would feel like they had to bring me a gift. Like a "I'm having a party so I'll get presents" type thing. So instead I started invited my girlfriends over for "girls nights", that way all my girlfriends (her included) would get to see my home, could bring finger foods etc, but didn't feel pressured to go out and spend their money on me.
I know that was my choice and I shouldn't expect her to do the same thing.... but I can't help but feel like it's somewhat inappropriate to have a house warming party, right before you know you're going to be having bridal showers and other parties where gifts are expected.
Am I wrong for feeling this way about it? If it were you, would you go to the party? Would you take a gift?
Hmmmm.
It does seem a bit over the top. But I wouldn't worry about it. You don't really have to bring a gift to everything. For the housewarming keep it simple; a candle, a plant or just bring a plate of cookies or cut fruit to share. With both a shower and a wedding, get small gift for the shower and something more substantial for the wedding. It would be so much better if people cut back on all the wedding spending and then they could afford to buy what they need.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
It IS over the top, but she likely isn't doing it for the presents, but the customary celebrations. It always seems like its someones bday, a wedding, a baby shower, a bridal shower, an anniversry party a house warming a this that and the other for so many people and you always feel awful if you come empty handed.
The average person right now just can not afford all this stuff. Its lovely to get together with friends and family and celebrate whatever it is that calls for it... but this custom to come with a fancy gift in fancy wrappers has me declinging at least half of the invites just because I'd go broke trying to accomodate everyone.
I commend you for recognizing that in your own home purchase and not being one of those that adds to the pressure of a financially tight time for most people. Its one of those things that isn't going to change but I do relate to your frustration with it.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
That's why I've decided that anyone who is upset that I don't bring a gift, isn't someone I want to be friends with anyway. I'd say 8 out of the last ten weddings I've been to...they are already divorced.Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork
I now refuse to buy gifts for anything. Baby shower...sorry busy that weekend. Bridal shower....sorry, out of town. Wedding...sorry, my physical presence, good conversation and happiness to share the day with should be enough.
I don't apologize for it either. In all the chaos that those events have become, if someone actually notices that you didn't bring a gift...well, then that says something about them now doesn't it.
Don't get me wrong, I actually love giving gifts and I do on a regular basis for no reason at all. That's the key, it's only thoughtful when someone sees something, thinks of you and gives you a gift. Not because it's customary to do so. I don't know, this subject just gets under my skin for some reason.
If that is what you see? That is what other's see as well..
You know we are all different in this World, some have compassion and understanding and morals and other's dont and will not give a hoot as to what you think, it's what they want.
Different up-bringings
Personally, I would buy something for the bridal and bring a bottle of wine for the house warming and just make a comment " your going to love your gift I bought you both, for your bridal shower, I combined it, seeing as you have bought a new home as well, can't wait to give it to you
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
It gets under my skin too SP.
The bottle of wine this is likely what I'll do...........or perhaps I won't go at all. Her fiance and my BF are really good friends (which is how she and I met) and he's more of a sucker than I am. If they invited him, he'd feel like he had to go. We shall see.
It's not that I don't enjoy giving gifts.....I do. I think it's just the principal of the whole thing. I'm sort of shy and modest where things like that are concerned. I know I can't expect everyone to be like me in that regard. I always think after all the bridal showers, baby showers, housewarming parties, etc and with the money I spent on even small gifts, I could have made a generous donation to our local charity for abused women and children, to a relay for life, to research for alzheimers, etc etc etc. And I guess that when you know for certain that in the next several months you're going to be getting ALOT of gifts, and people are going to be spending their hard earned dollars on you.....to knowingly increase that burden just seems .....over the top.
Argh.
I've read this post a few times and keep being reminded of the "Sex and the City" episode where Carrie registers for a pair of shoes after she goes to a party and her shoes are stolen..... essentially she started questioning why she's spent money on gifts for all of her friends and their milestones, but a single woman doesn't get anything! I kind of agree with her!
I don't think that you have to go over the top with any gift.... I think that it's kind of thoughtless of her to be doing this to all of you.... I agree with the bottle of wine (just take off the price tag and get something super cheap, and drink someone elses!)
You could go the "direct way" - "I love, I hope that you know that, but there's no way that my budget can allow me to buy you so much at once (add this too) I KNOW that you probably didn't even think of this at the time of scheduling your house warming party LOL!!!
It's really easy to grab all the loot that you can when getting a new home or married, so I can understand why she's doing it, but you can put your foot down in a polite way!
I love Sex and the City. I hadn't thought of that until you mentioned it but that's too funny. I'm always saying I'm "Carrie". Lol!!
I think I'm going to have a "Un-Bridal Shower" and go register for some fabulous shoes and unmentionables
I think that she nailed it with the replacement Manolo's - if you're going to get it back, take it in spades! Register for like a Birkin, or something redonkuslous.... Why not? Let me know where you're registered!
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