So annoyed with friend/housemate! Venting!!!

**lushley666** · 04-28-2010 11:13 AM

Sunday my housemate had his boyfriend come round - they drank lots, cooked then had a huge row - my friend woke me at 1am to tell me his boyfriend had left and they had broke up - he was very very drunk and I stayed up with him till about 4am when he finally passed out - so i was really reallty tired at work, my friend didnt go to work. He then text me to say his boyfriend was coming round to talk. Anyway, I went straight to my boyfriends from work and stayed at his then last night after work I get back to the house and the house is trashed! They havent washed up since Sunday lunch, they hadnt even scraped their dinner plates - every plate had been used - every pan was dirty - there were empty bottles and glasses everywhere and dvd's everywhere so they have basically had two days watching dvd's, eating and then gone out before I got back - I spent ages tidying up - my BF went mad saying I shouldnt have done it but I just couldnt sit there and leave it! Besides there wasnt a single clean plate for me to eat off!! How can they sit there in that filth? How can they leave it knowing I am going to come home to it?? So annoyed!

and yes, I know I am mad for tidying it up - I have slight OCD about housework...... He has text me this morning but I am still to annoyed to answer the lazy tramp!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-28-2010 11:22 AM

HOUSE RULES..

Firstly, inforce them... It's not your job and it has nothing to do with OCD, your house proud and they had no respect.

Secondly, your housemate should not have woken you at 1am to interviene and you should not have stayed up until 4am, that is going beyond the call of "friendship" and from what you have stated, neither appreciated it, said thank you so why do it? Selfish.

Make house rules, they may pay rent, but you are both responsible for the cleanliness of the house, the equal living, sit him down and tell him that your offended that you tried to help him but it wasn't even appreciated and you stayed away to help but came home to a huge mess, it's not on...

Say it straight and make him aware, that you work, you are a friend, but seriously you can't get involved, won't get involved but will always be there for him, if he needs to talk when you get home from work...

CW

**lushley666** · 04-28-2010 11:32 AM

Your right - I am going to have a talk with him tonight - since he has met his boyfriend he has changed so drastically and has become a selfish pig. I pay half the rent and I dont appreciate being a 'cleaner'for him and his boyfriend - neither do I ever want to see his boyfriend in his pants in the kitchen again - it's just wrong! My BF would NEVER dream of doing that - I will have a talk tonight - we are such good long term friends and he used to be so house proud but since meeting this new guy all he does is drink alcohol, miss work and mess up!! Your right - house rule time! Number 1 rule will be 'DONT wake the Lushley when she is sleeping!!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-28-2010 11:49 AM

I think he's in-secure and his "boyfriend" likes control

You are paying half the rent so he needs rules and you need to be happy.

Hahaha, um, pants? Or, underwear? I guess it's underwear.. Because they are a gay couple they may not realise or appreciate that at the end of the day, it's not on, another talk huh

Friends are friends but that's the problem once you move in-together, it works or it changes the friendship, use that, that you don't want it to... Don't do the controlling thing, rather that his "friendship is important"...

And, "Don't make the Lushley wake when she's having her beauty sleep"

he'll get..:P

It's all new but you have to nip it in the butt real quick not later.. good luck sweet.

CW

**grrrr** · 04-28-2010 07:48 PM

I totally agree with setting the house rules.... It seems as though he was a great roommate prior to this new boyfriend situation! It can be hard to put a foot down with a friend - especially when you have to remind them that they used to be so awesome as a roommate, and now it's kind of lapsed!

Lazy Bones must stop his lazy ways! You are not responsible for cleaning up his filth! AND it's more than just the cleaning - he should respect the boundaries of the house when his boyfriend is over, or any guest is over - people must be CLOTHED in common areas! HAHA!

**GlassDaemon** · 04-28-2010 10:17 PM

Keeping in mind what CW said about talking to him, don't let him get all emotional on you, that's not an excuse, if he's having problems with his boyfriend, oh well, don't wreck the house in the process. I just see that coming into play "Oh, I'm so sorry Lushley, but me and **** where fighting and I was just so upset!..." Blah, blah, blah, blah, still not an excuse to give you more work.

**Annamarie** · 05-08-2010 04:44 PM

I don't think I'd be annoyed. I'd be really, really mad. Of course you can't live in a pig sty so cleaning up is natural.

You need to sit down with your housemate ASAP and tell him exactly what you told us. What you did and how it made you feel. Hopefully, he'll have it in him to apologize and not make excuses. Some choices you have:

1) He apologizes. You can move forward. I would ask him what he will do to make it up to you. It doesn't have to be same size/type but something that is a thank-you and requires effort on his part. Also you need to build a set of rules both of you can live with so this doesn't happen again.

2) He makes excuses. Ugh. Don't accept excuses. Tell him you want an apology. If you get it go to number one and move forward. If not, do you really want to live with him?

3) He tries to wiggle out of responsibility entirely. You can't live with that. One of you needs to move.

It's a sad thing when friends lose a friendship because of living together. It happens lots. It's a different relationship, one with shared responsibility for making a good home for everyone in the house. (EDIT) outbound link -

**lushley666** · 05-17-2010 06:51 AM

I am just venting - housemate is driving me insane - since getting with his boyfriend he has changed 100% His new boyfriend is rich, posh and controlling (he is also a bit of a feeder!) - anyway, he goes to his boyfriends a few nights a week - it's great then they descend on our house - they take over, eat my food, if I am watching TV then the channel is changed unless i really kick off, my house mate is quite abrupt with me and makes me about as welcome as a f*rt in a wet suit until I feel that uncomfortable that I go to my room! His boyfriend is friendly and we chat but I can see that my housemate doesnt like it - his face says it all!! he scowls at me and makes cutting remarks - this time he came in and moaned about my boyfriend switching off the TV at the wall and none of his sky plus movies had recorded - I pointed out that it wasnt my boyfriend but the fact that noone had been home (I was at my bf's) and that the electric had run out because he had used it all washing and drying his clothes on his last drop in! His boyfriend has asked him to move in and I am hoping and praying he does!! We used to be such good friends but I just dont like the way he has changed into a selfish, fake, snob! He is even changing his career because his bf has asked him too - it all seems so fake and I dont even feel like I know him anymore and he has only been with this guy for 7 weeks!! Grrrr!

**eyks** · 05-17-2010 03:40 PM

Living with friends almost never turns out well. I hope in your case he moves out and your friendship goes back to normal. If he doesn't move, then maybe you should consider finding a new place for your own sanity.