Absolutely Heartbroken and Not sure what to do

**kygirl** · 04-30-2010 06:38 PM

Thanks BD, I don't know if it's a Kentucky thing (lol) but you speak my language. You are 100% right and the way you said it makes 100% sense to me. A label doesn't make anyone stay and I am trying to find reassurance in something that isnt going to change anything. I think I am having a hard time just accepting that things are good and okay and to just let it go. It's been such a long time since I've dated someone who I could really connect with and it is honestly a bit scary to me. It creates a whole new dynamic when you know that someone can hurt you like that.

But you are definitely right that I can't expect him to fix that. He has been very reassuring and kind and patient with me, and if I don't watch, I am going to have a self-fulfilling prophecy on my hands. I need to let it go.

Happy Derby weekend to you too! I also am not attending. Thunder storms outside, just isn't my idea of a good time. Not to mention I can buy a lot of other stuff with the money I'll save not buying another dress and a hat and paying to get in, etc.

**kygirl** · 04-30-2010 06:49 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I think he might be scared that you associate the title of girlfriend, with a step in a direction of marriage and I doubt he fears being your boyfriend but possibly fears what that means for the future, in your mind... if at 4 months that means you need to be his gf , how many months til you need to be his fiance? Etc. Be sure to be clear and honest what your needs and intentions are.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I definitely think that is what he is thinking... Especially since so many people he knows are getting engaged and have only been together a year or less. I think he is worried that it's going to start some ticking clock on a timeline that he has to adhere to.

I also agree with your other comment about the I love you. I really did a bang up job on that one. I had imagined in my daydreaming where we'd be when he said it and then I just totally ruined the moment rather than embracing it and enjoying it.

I really do need to come to grips with the fact that I am beautiful for all kinds of reasons. He loves me and thinks I'm great and he obviously wants to be with me since he asks me to do stuff all the time and tries to make time with me, etc. My issues with myself are going to have to get under control. I think I am harder on myself than anyone else is. I've always been that way, but I can't let it hurt my relationship...especially with someone who I enjoy being around so much.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 04-30-2010 06:57 PM

Thanks BD, I don't know if it's a Kentucky thing (lol) but you speak my language. You are 100% right and the way you said it makes 100% sense to me.

Good!!!

You're BEAUTIFUL, (inside AND out), you are INTELLIGENT, you are INDEPENDENT, you are STRONG, you are LOYAL, you are KIND, you are YOU, and you are UNIQUE.........with or WITHOUT him or any other guy. With OR Without.

Um yeah, I'm not spending money on a dress and a hat so I can stand in the rain all day with a poncho on and look like . :0) Nonetheless, I'll probably have a drink or two to "celebrate", haha!