I'm a Part time Mistress

**BabyGirl** · 05-01-2010 04:10 PM

But it's getting out of hand and more risky each time we meet. It's a long story.. But to shorten it, we have been seeing each other for almost a year. Usually once a week for about 1/2 hour, sometimes we get a couple of hours together if I have a weekend day off.
Latley we have taken to meeting during his lunch hour on my weekdays off, just to steal a few kisses and talk. Plus the other days we normally meet when we can. Lunchtime trysts are always in a public park. But it is getting steamy and I don't know what to do ?

**WildChild** · 05-01-2010 04:41 PM

If he is married?
End it.
If you are married?
End it.
If you are both single?
Why aren't you just dating?

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-01-2010 06:42 PM

I don't really understand what you are asking.

Originally Posted by HisBabyGirl

But it is getting steamy and I don't know what to do ?

It sounds like you don't really have a problem with getting a 1/2 hour to 2 hours a week of this man, it sounds like you don't really have a problem with him spending the other hours of the day with his main woman. It sounds like you don't have a problem being hidden, and snuck around, and treated more like a bad drug habit than the love of his life.

Are your worried about him getting caught and having to end it with you? Are you worried about him getting caught and other people finding out what you have been doing?

You haven't really gone into enough to detail to give any specific advice. Are you asking if you should pull back to seeing him less per week as to not risk being caught?

If so... I don't know... the extra risks he's taking might mean he is actually ready to pull the plug on the whole operation. Some guys... want to get caught.

For you, if you are happy with the mistress lifestyle, the holidays alone, the going to bed alone at night while your lover snuggles up to his wife and tells her he loves her... and probably does mean it in his weird and twisted way.

A lot of men with mistresses try to justify it to themselves as almost an extension of masturbation, especially when its just a weekly 30 minute romp in the hay. They tell you what you want to hear, but only so that they could keep you as the sexual release you are to them.

What do you get out of this relationship? Is the sex that good that its worth being alone for the rest of the week?

You deserve to be with a man that can show you off proudly, and hold his head up high when he walks down the street with you, not shoving you into cars in the middle of the night looking behind his back.

I can see where there would be a short lived adreniline rush from all the sneakiness... but are you getting what you need from this relationship? Is it worth what it costs?

**rcoreyus** · 05-01-2010 07:18 PM

Do you know why he wants to be with you? Is it lust, loneliness, wanting someone to talk to, love, revenge.

Do you know why you are with him - same questions.

I think the first thing to do is really understand why you are both doing what you are doing, then decide what you want, then decide what you should do.

**BloodyMoonLight** · 05-01-2010 11:16 PM

dont let anyone else tell u what to do. its up to u whether u wanna be with him or not. u just gotta think about it

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-02-2010 12:00 AM

But it's getting out of hand and more risky each time we meet

Then you have a fear of getting caught..

And you don't like that feeling... The fact that you wrote "part time mistress" I'm gaging you don't like that feeling either of being "part time"...

One year is a long time and often very difficult to break out of, if that is what you are asking on how to do.

But, nothing is impossible.. You have to weigh up how you really feel about all of this, apart from the fear, what your missing out on in life, those dates, sleeping next to each other, waking up and having breakfast together...

And, if you decide that you deserve more, need more and he won't budge from where he is at in life, then calmly tell him you need and deserve more and it's over. Then walk away from that park.

CW

**BabyGirl** · 05-02-2010 03:03 AM

Wow !!! Thanks to everyone who posted. I didn't think there would be so many different opinions. Know that I will take each and every one of them into consideration and each with respect that the opinions and feelings are heartfelt.
Like I said it is a long story. But I will try to answer a few of the Questions.

1) We are both married. He 2 years and myself almost 7 years.We are both around 50 years old, myself a couple of years older than him.

2) He is married and lives with his wife, who is a "rescue" wife, meaning he played the Galant White Knight and helped her out with some major issues in her life, both physical and emotional and even financial issues.

3) Neither my Love or myself have any dependant Children at this time

Myself, I am married to a man that is Dual Citizenship of both Canada and Chile. my husband also has severe medical issues.

My situation is that my husband and I met in 2000 , We married in 2003 in the USA, Started thru the Legal Immigration process thru INS and caught a snag in the fact that I as the American Citizen did not and still do not make enough money to support my husband for the 3 years it takes to become a LPR ( legal permenant resident ) We had spent over $600 to find out he cannot come to the USA to live here until I make enough money to support him and cover his medical bills.* Note * at the time I had minor children, who have now both passed the legal age of 18**

So I have not seen my husband since mid 2004 as he and I would not attempt him to come here with the shadow of Immigration chasing him for the rest of his life and My Husband and I agreed to wait 7 years and file an anullment due to no contact/ abandonment (on his part). Which I will do in 20011. I have not heard from my husband since mid 2004, no emails,no calls, no letters. Last I know he was in Santiago chile in 2004.With the severity of his illness I have no idea if he is alive or deceased at this time, I also do not know if he was adversley involved in the Santiago Quake. as I said there is No contact since 2004.

4)My Loves situation is different and it's too long to describe in this prelude to my problem. It is sufficiant to say he does love his wife, as I love my husband. He is not in love with his wife. just as after 6 years I am no longer in love with my husband.

Any Questions so far ? Please post them, I'll try to keep up and answer all questions honestly and also try to gather together the opinions and feelings of those that are interested in helping me with my problem ?

[/I]

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-02-2010 03:37 AM

Have the pair of you talked about a "future"?

Your both grown Adults, and perhaps he settled 2 years ago, there is no obligation to stay if he is not happy.

But, also, if he is stating he "has to stay?".. then you have to question why.

Thanks for the background, but what are you really feeling? What is it you are afraid of? What do you think is the end result of this affair from your stance, from what you can truly see and feel?

CW

**BabyGirl** · 05-02-2010 04:59 AM

Chandlers Wish. That is a good question and makes me think alot. Mainly about the what am I feeling.. gosh it's so hard to answer that. maybe because I am just over 50 and not knowing how to feel anymore.

When I was young it was hormones, attraction and Go for the Gusto, Now my kids are grown, no Grandkids ( not wanting them either) neither are any of the 4 kids that are respectivly, Male 35, Female 30, Male,23, female 20..

But to answer the questions in order I hope .

Does he Have to Stay ? Yes he does. He feels that a Marriage ,even though it is not a happy one , how do I say this .. Not an ( in love, excited, lasting forever partner will take care of you forever) but it is a promise and that is how he feels. He says it is a COMMITMENT. And must Honor it. I agree to most points.

Next is

How I feel? Wow at 50 ish. lLke a teenager again. The sparkle in his eyes, the sweet smile when I see him even once a week or sometimes 2 times in a week. We text on a cell phone and flirt, ask what days do we have off and can we walk in the park ? Small things to some.

Sex ?

I'm sure that many will ask again about this . He is Impotent, Can not complete an erection or standing one. We have tried 3 times in this year, I do not do * enhanced* erotic's..
The hard drive is there, But the "CPU" isn't.

His wife evidently cannot perform or does not care too ( his explanation) have Sexual relations of any kind. Back pain, menopause meds..

Menopause Meds make her not want to be touched, fibralalgia (sp) makes her not to be touched. Having him work all day and give her house hold money and pay the bills is all thats needed. She does not work, she does not want to work ( Illness) She does not want to.. ?? I cannot even explain what little I hear about her.

I have Never met her and seriously never want to meet her only for the reason of I cannot imagine not working, not sharing, not being part of a " Life " of Somebody.
Any questions, I can answer the others

**jns** · 05-02-2010 05:15 AM

If she is secure in her relationship with him or has a legal contract, maybe she would let him have a longstanding side relationship. It would kill some of the excitement of an illicit relationship.