Thread: Trapped between love and a horrible potential family

I am a 20yr old student on the pursuit of a medical career. I was and always am the nerdy girl. I am currently in a 3 year long relationship with my boyfriend but I don't know how long I can last. In order to understand where I am coming from, you should know a few things about the previous men in my life like my father and boyfriends before I present the situation I am in now.

1st bf: drug dealer, cheated on me with 10+ girls that I know of, called me horrible names, forced me to do drugs, beat me when he thought I was pregnant.

2nd bf: lied about everything in his life except his name, played with my life and tried to convince me I was the "angel of happiness" and created pretend people that was in his life to mess with me, spread lies to everyone we knew, called me a "suicidal pyscho" (and the worst part was is that he knew I was suicidal at the time, so felt like fuel to the fire)

My father: drove me to insanity, I pulled a knife to myself infront of him and he just laughed and walked away, he said I was lying when I recalled the previous situation a year later, as a family we went to 1 therapy session and he refused to take me back so I never received help, abused me when I was 17.

If it isn't plain to see, I hope you have come to understand that I have not been lucky with the men in my life. As the quiet, alone, "always does good in school" girl I find myself in this current situation with my presend (3rd) bf. The only way I know to present it is in chronological order. I first met him in the bowling alley. We are both bowlers for our colleges. We go to different schools in the same state and we are about 2 hours away from each other. Unlike my previous bfs, he is intelligent and was also the "nerd" in high school. He always tries his best to never make me mad. I want to only post the main things that have bothered me about him and it has to do with his family and how he handles things.

His mother (which my bf isn't fond of either) has done many things that I cannot stand for. She always finds ways to belittle me and makes snide comments at me. One time I was laying down on her couch and she started smacking my face just for fun. I never say anything because I don't want to let her see that she affects me. My mother always tried her best to be civil with my bfs mother. But one time at a bowling tournament, my bfs mother went too far and started making bad comments about me infront of my mother and many other people while I was bowling. My mother told her off and his mother played it off as if she were just telling a joke about me. I went back to me dorm furiated with her that I started to think of suicidal thoughts. What made it worst is that my bf didn't do anything about it because he the shy type who doesn't like conflict.

I feel like I can handle his mother, but the one person I cannot take anymore is his brother's wife which I guess you can say potential sister-in-law (SIL) if I ever marry my bf. I'm one who always puts on the smiling face to cover up anything that I am feeling. SIL always rubs people the wrong way, so I knew to stay my distance and always be nice. At first she seemed okay with me because at the time she was planning her wedding with my bf's brother and talking about her dress to me. But then a year into my relationship, I have heard from people that she is saying really bad things about. I'm sure the people that have met me do not believe her.

So I tried to stay away from her for a while, but then on one day with my bf's family we all went out to eat breakfast and she commented on something I said that she thought was wrong and she wasn't even in the conversation. Then by chance I ordered the same thing she did and she said in disgust to her fiance "Ugh! I can't believe she ordered the same thing as me!" Then that same day we all went to a store and my bf's grandmother commented on her looks and the SIL said to me "Yeah, atleast I'm not too skinny like you." Then at dinner, my bf oblivious to what's been happening, sat down at the table leaving the only seat available which happend to be next to SIL. As soon as I sat down she disgruntled loudly to her fiance. While at dinner she commented on my looks, age, and intelligence.

It was a year and half into my relationship and I knew his brother's wedding was approaching. My bf was the best man. The wedding was a few weeks away and something didn't feel right. So I asked my bf to ask his brother about the details during the bachelor party which started in playing golf. I come to find out that I was not allowed to attend the wedding and that my bf (the best man) was not allowed to bring anyone as his date.

I have not seen her since that day when she bashed me with words. So I have now been with my bf for 3 years and he has yet to do anything about the situation. He says he will do something when he moves out (btw, he lives with his brother and his wife). I am stuck because it is my bfs birthday in a couple of days and his graduation soon after. I am sure that SIL will be at the graduation dinner and I cannot even fathom being in the same room.

As much as I used to love my bf I am torn. If you compare him to the previous guys in my life he is so much better for me. But the fact that he cannot stand up for me really disturbs me and what his mother and SIL puts me through is not good for my health. I can't imagine going through this battle the rest of my life if my bf asks me to marry him (which might be in the next year). I am on the beginning path to become something great in medicine and I don't see that it's necessary to surround myself with such negative energy.

Can anyone provide help with words of wisdom? Thank you.