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Thread: A blind crush that doesn't go away...

  1. #1
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    Default A blind crush that doesn't go away...


    Hi ladies.
    I'll try to make my story as short as I can:

    I met this guy at a work event, at first I didn't notice him, but the second time I laid eyes on him (a few weeks later) I felt instantly infatuated. We exchanged only a few awkward sentences, during which my nerves were obvious, I assume he saw right through me, but he's a nice fellow, he was polite. And that was the last time I saw him in person. He appeared on my mind every other day and after several weeks, when I had already heard that he was in fact in a relationship (I assume quite long-term and serious) and moved back to where he is from (far away), I decided I would make an effort to become friends. I sent him a message, he wrote me back a nice careless reply a weeks later. I let it go. All kinds of important events going on in my life in the meantime. A few months passed and I remembered about him once or twice a week. Then I decided to drop him a quick line, he wrote back a few days later with a few words (he's not much of an online communicator) and again I managed to let it go, not with too much difficulty. Another couple of months passed, again having him cross my mind every other day (by that time I had gotten used to it and just lived with it) until a few months ago when I started thinking about him every single day. My life and line of work are generally lonely, I do meet a lot of people, but still emptiness is all in the air around me, my friends are all too busy for psycho-analytical or any kind of chat with me. I have found myself (far from just once) losing sleep over thinking of him and going out of my mind trying to be realistic, completely realizing how stupid all this is and how he doesn't have a clue and doesn't need to know any of this at all. It goes deeper, I've been crying and crying and feeling silly at my inability to pull myself together. Now I still think of him every day and I feel like a foolish little girl, who has a crush on an imaginary friend, only he is very real and honestly doesn't care about me in a real-world way. I wonder how I can be so blindly in love with this stranger, after all we still don't know each other. It's going to be a year soon and I don't know what to do. At least this doesn't mess up my work too much, thankfully, I think I am managing to stay strong. But I dream of him all the time, I dream of loving him, I cry over him, I dream of not having to get over him and look for someone different... even if I clearly know how wrong and messed-up this is and potentially bad for my health... And nothing seems to work distraction-wise. I am starting to feel desperate for an instant and final solution, as this is going on already too long, which scares me, as it means it's actually getting worse. I know I'm far from being the first girl with a similar situation, but the fact that it's been a long time gives me another screwed-up reason to keep holding onto the idea of him, since it feels like I have some history with this man. It's ridiculous, he doesn't even know. It's my own problem.

    So now I turn to you!
    Please help!!!

  2. #2
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    if i was you an still feeling like that after a year an nothing was helping or it wasnt going away, i would just tell him how you feel and how you have been feeling get it off your chest? what can he say?? xxdanniixx

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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    My life and line of work are generally lonely, I do meet a lot of people, but still emptiness is all in the air around me,
    This is deeper than this man.. This is you reaching out and wanting, all that we all want in life, fun, love, happiness...

    Your life is lonley and so, when you had a chemical reaction to this man, a "feeling", that's the only thought you can think about because it's the only "happy" thought you have at present.

    You have to see this for what it is, a change of lifestyle for you..

    If that's the only happy thought you had, so you hold onto it with gusto, and it creates pain and tears, for someone you don't even know, then you need to change your lifestyle...

    Or you will get depression, which I think you already have a mild case of...

    What have you always wanted to do? What are your goals? What are your hobbies? Who are you?

    It's time to find out.

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array BasketCase's Avatar
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    I am with Chandler Wish on this on. I don't think it's this man you are in love with....

    Yes I know just think about it. You know nothing about him. His life or his personality. Maybe you are simply in love with the man you have made him to be in your mind. Perhaps you have had fantasies about the two of you going places and doing things. You have created the perfect man, in your head. Chances are he is nothing like what you think him to be. Meaning HE is simply a face.

    I think this just means you are lonley. So in your head you have comfort from this guy. This man in your head embodys what you want in a relationship...

    Focus on meeting new people. Ask a man in your office out on a date. Even if your not that into him. Just to have the experience of a nice night out with a man. no feelings involved. I think this is just you way of replacing love in your life. You want to love. You want to be loved. And that's great. So go out and find you a good man. Or just have fun with a few.
    ☮“I am convinced that the women of the world, united without any regard for national or racial dimensions, can become a most powerful force for international peace and brotherhood.”☮

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array BasketCase's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xxdanniixx View Post
    if i was you an still feeling like that after a year an nothing was helping or it wasnt going away, i would just tell him how you feel and how you have been feeling get it off your chest? what can he say?? xxdanniixx

    If you choose to do this think hard. Rejection is always painful. I feel that for you deppression is either here, or just around the corner. If he is in a relationship then only one or two things can really happen. (a) he will turn you down. This would be painful. And I fear it might send you further into deppression. (b) he would be into you and either leave his wife for you, or want to cheat with you. And if that's the case he's not a good man and you don't want to be with him anyway.

    Use great caution with this and remember: He barley knows you, and you him.
    ☮“I am convinced that the women of the world, united without any regard for national or racial dimensions, can become a most powerful force for international peace and brotherhood.”☮

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    Oh and welcome to the site.
    ☮“I am convinced that the women of the world, united without any regard for national or racial dimensions, can become a most powerful force for international peace and brotherhood.”☮

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    Thank you so much for your replies, I appreciate it!

    I don't think it's a good idea at all to tell him, not so much because the reply will hurt (that actually could be a wake-up call once and for all), but why bother him, there is no point in making him all worried about me and what involuntary effect he's had on some random chick. He will laugh at first, put me in the crazy list, then feel sorry for me and most probably in his belated response he'll be politely ignorant, but will stay worried for a while, which I see no reason to cause him additional drama in his busy, exciting life.

    Just like you said - it's all in my head and I know it well. It's also my over-analytical way of thinking that has convinced me there's something special about this one, which I haven't ever found in anyone else, based on a little bit of factual knowledge I have of him. Plus, we both write rhymes and we write in similar styles, his words speak to me, my words speak to others.. blah blah

    I absolutely and completely agree that the image I've created of him in my mind is most probably quite different than his real personality, and should I ever run into him in the future and find out he's single and get to spend time with him, there's a high chance it won't even take off, let alone work out. I guess I will not know. And I believe I am still thinking soberly enough not to allow myself to sink so low as to wanna be with a cheat or be the rebound, for that matter.

    Unfortunately a change of lifestyle is not possible at this point for me. I do know quite clearly what it is that I want and have always wanted to do, be, become, develop, etc. And I am on the right path and place, I am now within the slow process of living my professional dreams, practicing my hobbies daily. The heaviness comes from this path being generally miserable and lonely, having people screw you over all the time and having to learn to take it the hard way. Unfortunately I don't get much chance for socializing, I literally mean I don't get opportunities to take a look around and actually see when I am looking. So the difficult and painful part of my situation is that I have to deal with this blind crush I have on this man all on my own, as if somehow will myself into not caring so much about him. But how do you do a thing like that?

    Thank you again for the warm welcome and the replies!!!

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    "But how do you do a thing like that?"

    Get out there in the dating world. Meet some people. That's not easy for anyone. But it can be a lot of fun.

    "And I believe I am still thinking soberly enough not to allow myself to sink so low as to wanna be with a cheat or be the rebound, for that matter."

    That's great to hear. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. A relationship that starts like that usualy doesn't end happily.

    "Unfortunately I don't get much chance for socializing, I literally mean I don't get opportunities to take a look around and actually see when I am looking."

    I find that you really have to 'make' time for these sorts of things. My work schedule makes it hard for me to spend time with family and friends. I just have to move things around. It it tough sometimes. But you really have to have time with people. For your soul. If you enjoy the company of friends. Plan an event or try to make the time.

    "The heaviness comes from this path being generally miserable and lonely, having people screw you over all the time and having to learn to take it the hard way."

    That's one of the most difficult things to deal with in life. You can never trust 100% of the people 100% of the time. Were human and we tend to be selfish, greedy, and at times fools. Everyone overcomes this in a different way. I feel like you really crave some good friends and a good man. But it's up to you to find them. There is a perfect opposite somewhere out there for you. Be patient. And never stop looking.

    "I do know quite clearly what it is that I want and have always wanted to do, be, become, develop, etc. And I am on the right path and place, I am now within the slow process of living my professional dreams, practicing my hobbies daily."

    Your very well put together. And it's great that you are doing the things you need to do to ge where you want to be.

    I hope I helped a little and I look forward to seeing you around the threads.
    ☮“I am convinced that the women of the world, united without any regard for national or racial dimensions, can become a most powerful force for international peace and brotherhood.”☮

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    Thank you so much for taking the time to break it down so nicely for me! It does help!

    I thought it too personal, but decided that being embarrassing is not a good enough reason to keep feelings bottled up, so I shared with a few friends and I think I feel I'm starting to actually deal with it. It hurts quite a bit and it hit me only now how many things will be changing in the process. I've never been so good with change, but health before anything, right?! But this is not a typical post-break up situation, I cannot give up on him being in my life, for some reasons he means a lot to me, so I will try to get rid of the personal feelings without removing all reminders of him. I just hope it works out sooner rather than later!

    Thank you once again to all of you!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aedyne View Post
    Thank you so much for taking the time to break it down so nicely for me! It does help!

    I thought it too personal, but decided that being embarrassing is not a good enough reason to keep feelings bottled up, so I shared with a few friends and I think I feel I'm starting to actually deal with it. It hurts quite a bit and it hit me only now how many things will be changing in the process. I've never been so good with change, but health before anything, right?! But this is not a typical post-break up situation, I cannot give up on him being in my life, for some reasons he means a lot to me, so I will try to get rid of the personal feelings without removing all reminders of him. I just hope it works out sooner rather than later!

    Thank you once again to all of you!!!
    Your Welcome Hun. Send me a message if you need anything at all. I will try to help anyway I can
    ☮“I am convinced that the women of the world, united without any regard for national or racial dimensions, can become a most powerful force for international peace and brotherhood.”☮

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