Thread: A blind crush that doesn't go away...

Hi I'm not really sure what type of life you had coming up, and I don't know what type of religious background you have, but i too was deeply into someone that i could'nt be with since I was 13 and I am close to 40 now, I had been that way for a long time and about five years ago i made up in my mind that what i was feeling for him had to be over, my only solution was to pray and ask God to take every thought of him away, even down to the neg things. and fkor five years there has been no thoughts of him or us being together. I do know this that if you don't seek for a solution to get him out of your head you will find your self depressed!!! When i read your first message I thought this was me all over again, and I had to really make up in my mind that I was not going to let this thing consume me or keep me from living, I did tell him how i felt, and he felt the same way about me, and he had even admitted to having thoughts of us together, but we knew it could'nt be because we where in two different parts of the country.{he was in the military over seas}., but i cried to be with him and almost lost myself in wanting to be him so badly, but reality sat in and I had to be FREE FOR ME!!!!
my advice to you is to FREE YOURSELF and start enjoying YOUR LIFE!!!!

Thank you all again for your willingness to help! Okay, starting in order:

TskTsk,

I can't afford professional help. Plus, I was brought up in an environment where we don’t really believe in ‘professional help’, you know, the old fashioned ways when psychology wasn’t so big and everyone’s supposed to hold all the healing power within their own mind. I know times have changed and it’s not embarrassing to have a therapist, it’s like having a gp now, but my mum still thinks therapy is ridiculous… I have been curious what a doctor of that type would say to me, but I simply can’t afford it.

CHANDLERS WISH,

Really good points and I have wondered about some of those before… I haven’t spoken to anyone about my true fears, as I didn’t see them as fears, I guess…

I was brought up in an environment with strict ‘wrong-right’, black-and-white value system and my parents have taught me particular principles and how to be a good Christian. I have had some rebellion phases against the idea of over-righteousness, but it doesn’t seem so much as to mess me up, even though it might have made it a bit more difficult for me to socialize properly… I still have my strong understanding of how to be a good person, but I am afraid I might have lost a little bit of my Christian belief, I guess I have been rebelling a bit more than the normal… I started analyzing everything and thinking too much, even though I am a kind of a free spirit, risk-taker, etc, but my mind is never quite free…

One of my issues is that I’ve always been a dreamer.
Other than going to church, since cartoons have principle lessons, I grew up watching Disney movies and that, together with disliking my parents’ idea of what my future \should be\ (and a strong desire on their part to make it so), I started dreaming of (all the normal things) – falling madly in love, moving to an exciting place, love and adventures and all the rest… Knowing myself when I was in school/college, I believed I would be married by 21, because I tend to fall deeply and quite fast… That, obviously, didn’t happen, I’ve had some bad luck with the type of people I meet (think proper stalkers and disturbed individuals), and I, in fact, have never been in a positive relationship, let alone long lasting serious one. But I never stopped believing that it will happen, and for me there is only one ‘right way’ - for someone to come along and take my breath away as much as I take his.. and the rest I can deal with when the time comes;

Then after some multi-cultural life experiences, and after getting a university degree, I finally got brave enough to pursue my professional dreams, thankfully there was an opportunity to give it a start and a chance, I moved to another country (where I’ve been living for the past couple of years) and began developing in that direction quite quickly, with a lot of work and hardships to get through, of course. And the pace and my determination hasn’t changed after meeting this guy, (and as you noted), knowing him brought a bit more excitement to the things I do, well except for the last few weeks when I started having a bit of trouble concentrating, and my work requites a lot of that and stamina, as well.

My parents fighting quite often has definitely been a part of my life, although the problem has never been the actual fact, but what they (almost always) fight about: us - the family, and also directly related – money; esp. more recently after the recession hit their employer’s company and they got fired and now we’re all struggling and I’m under a lot of pressure here; Every time they fight (in the past and whenever we get together in the same country at present), their arguments are kind of the same (I admit, I have eavesdropped sometimes), and whether the results are different or not, I never feel like listening to all of that yet again and I never like the presented arguments, etc, so I shield myself in dreams of falling in love and someone “saving me” just by taking away the loneliness and bringing some change of healthier social environment…

I am not so sure I am afraid of real life, I think I am dealing with reality okay and I understand it. I think I am more afraid of thoughts like never finding the love of my life or somehow missing it and never getting a chance to experience happiness in my personal life… I know I am quite young (25) and there are many life experiences in store for me, more heartaches for sure, but I am afraid my mind won’t let me ever feel free, I am a bit too self-conscious at times. I just don’t know how to change the pattern of the types of people I meet, the ones that take interest in me are very much the wrong ones, and the ones I fall for are always taken, but then I guess that’s almost every single girl’s story…

I somehow found something quite different in this man and I still believe that there’s more to my developing feelings for him than personal issues, I quite soberly see something special in him that I haven’t seen in my dreams even… and it is making it very hard to let him go and I want to tell him about all that some day in the future.

Annagirl:

I am somewhat relieved that I am not the only one with this particular problem, it feels good not to be alone in thin, so thank you for sharing your story!

I didn’t realize a thing like that could last so long. Talk about wanting to be faithful and not getting the chance to.

I come from a religious family and somehow I haven’t thought of praying. Well, I have, but for some reason it makes me very sad… something about God having a plan for all of us and I guess I am afraid of what that plan might be and whether it involves me being in a shared love relationship. Even though I am pursuing a big and exciting career, real love has always been my biggest dream. And the years started to pass so quickly, my mum keeps reminding me how much she wants and expects me to get married and have children (soon!) and settle for a nice Christian family and I am afraid of the idea of ever having to settle with someone I am not really in love with… I really wish I could tell the man the truth, just like you have done, even only to have him push me to get over him, but he writes back so rarely, and it’s not a thing for a cross-continent email talk… I don’t know how to free myself, I might easily get over the physical desires, but since he’s become a part of the excitement behind what I do, he’s a part of my life I crave to keep dear.

A friend told me once that the only way to get over someone who’s taken is to fall for someone new. Yeah I wish…