Thread: where do i go from here?

Hi

Long story, please bear with me...

I meta man last july who was basically perfect for me (my mum loved him for a change). We had both been out of longterm relationships for 6 months (he had been married for 7 years and I'd been living with someone for 5). We got on brilliantly...enjoyed the same things, like minded and open about our previous relationships. Things progressed rapidly and I think it was only a few weeks after we met that we both said i love you, him saying it first. i have never felt so loved and wanted before and it all seemed too good to be true. he went through his divorce a few months in without incident really, though he was always open with me and i tried not to let my own anxieties ever play on his mind. 7 months into the relationship he suddenly came over to mine and ended things...saying he was messed up about his marriage and I deserved better, also that he didnt love me. I was shocked and devistated, it was right before my birthday and valentines. We stayed in contact ( ashamed to admit still slept together a few times) then after 2 weeks he said he never stopped loving me and wanted to give it another go. my feelings hadn't changed so i did get back with him, with some trepedation. Things went great agin and i slowly got my confidence back and felt loved again. obviously couldn't be that easy, 6 weeks ago he moved to the other side of the world for a temporary position for work (6 maybe 12 months). I went to visit him 2 weeks ago and we had a great time but I did feel he was slightly distant and noted how worlds apart our lives had become. After i returned that contact was lacking and I knew the enevitable would happen which it did 5 days ago. He called and said basically all the same things as he did in feb...dont love you, messed up over marriage, dont want to get married again (despite the fact this was something i hadn't mentioned but he had talked about us getting married and having kids), you are wonderful and deserve better (patronising or what!) I am so confused how he can run hot and cold and say i love you one week then its gone the next. he is coming home in around 4 weeks for a job interview (at my work place!!) and said he will see me then. he actually has emailed me quite a bit since we split, but just chatty with no emotion. i think this man is seriously messed up but idiot i am i love him. Am going to try my hardest to get on with things and move on if the opportunity arises but do you think there is any hope for us once he's had some time to sort out his issues and moves back home? should i give him another chance once that happens if its offered? thanksx

I agree with snuffie. Take the next few weeks to really think about what you want and need and if he can give it to you. He's done this twice now, and I am normally a firm believer that you may get a second chance but I'm not giving you a third. That will be your call though.

I think you should make him talk to someone like a therapist and find out where this issues stem from. i am dating someone who is in the process of divorce, and it really does seem to do a number on them, but it's very unfair for him to go back and forth and back and forth. He's going to have to get to the bottom of the issues and work through them before he can be happy with anyone again.