How do you deal with having just a few or no friends

**Carebear2010** · 05-18-2010 08:03 PM

Being 30, All I have is my siblings. I have my parents but I'm not that close to them. I have acquaintaces that I meet at a local bar or at a party. My problem is I don't like getting close to people emotionally for the fear that I may never see them again or the friendship may fade away. I've always had difficulty with making friends and had a sister pass away in her early 20's

I never been in a serious relationship. I've dealt having just a couple by creating a fantasy world which I've have since I was in my early teens. I've always been a dreamer long as I can remember. Reently, I've gotten over my fear of driving on the highway and plan to travel within my state.

**WildChild** · 05-18-2010 08:09 PM

Do you want to have friends? Are you happy with things as they are?

**Kaystrwbry42** · 05-18-2010 09:41 PM

I think it would be a great idea for you to join a support group or speak one-on-one to a therapist. I don't want that to scare you. I just know how hard it is to deal with fear and death. When my father died it was the only time I had ever considered talking to a therapist. She wasn't free but she was good. She helped me realize how much I have that I wasn't seeing when one person disappeared. I have grown in a positive direction because of her help.

Also, church communities never fade. There is always a church even if you move to the farthest out suburbs. The people who go to them are usually very committed and go for years and years and sometimes forever if no big life changes occur. I have attended one unitarian universalist church for 20 years and still visit it though I have moved. The friends I have made there became my family and I still attend a yearly camp and plan to for the rest of my life. No matter the belief, a church is a great place to find friends that will stick by you.

I hope you conquer your fear. There is so much to life. Don't miss any chance to connect and grow with people that may change the way you think

**WildChild** · 05-18-2010 10:10 PM

I love the UU fellowship in my old community, way better than the one in the new area. I still pop in now and then.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-19-2010 03:05 AM

The best thing you can do is what you are doing, well done. You've conquered one fear...

Make a list of all your fears, and take (one) at a time, and continue conquering them.

There are people scared of planes, of spiders, of heights, of leaving their home, you are no orphan.

But, as you conquer them, feel proud, very proud of yourself, yell loudly, YAY I DID IT...

Within a short period of time, you will be able to communicate more as well therefore with people and conquor that fear.

I don't know when your sister died and I am truly sorry for your loss.

But, we never know, what will happen in life, so you need to understand that it isn't going to happen to everyone in your life, if you didn't get councelling for that, please do... It, I believe has a big reason behind why you stay sheltered, in relationships of any kind.

CW

**Ere Perez** · 05-20-2010 03:39 AM

Your fear I can understand but how much you run with your relationship and where you run. You have to face it and you should make a relationship because when we are living alone then we get frustrated with our life too. Enjoyment word is lost somewhere from our dictionary. So, Think about it and don’t worry.

**emily100** · 05-21-2010 02:40 PM

sounds to me like you may need to start with baby steps in slowly building trust. you might start with a person that you like and take a tiny step closer by maybe having a longer conversation with that person. ask them some questions, things you would like to know about them ~~~ people generally love it when someone shows interest and asks them a few questions. think about what you might like to know about that person, what part of town they live in if you don't know that for example ~~~ easy stuff.

you can begin to build trust with a person as you see that they respond to you in kind. when you are ready you can take another step, you could invite them to a fun activity that you both enjoy.

there is no rush with these things. you take your time and go slow.

**Carebear2010** · 06-03-2010 08:59 AM

I forgot about posting here.....Takin' baby steps and not rushing into any kind of relationships. I want to tell people that Im trying to break free from my sheltered world but I don't want to freak them out and make friends

**Fae30** · 06-03-2010 12:55 PM

Hmm... I have a similar issue, only I am not 30 yet, but soon to be. And I didn't lose a sibling, but I have lost other relatives. But, my loss and grief is separate from my own personal issue of lack of friends. These are the only differences, from your story compared to mine. :-)

I have one best friend, of one year now, but he is going away soon into the army. I am afraid of where that will leave me... since I just learned to trust and open up to him... and now he is leaving. The fear is always the same for me, that with any friend I try to make, they will leave me in some way or stab me in the back. I have to agree with the other comments, therapy can help. I did try it and it was helping, but then my therapist was promoted and had to leave me! LOL! Which didn't help my issue, of course. So, I'm currently looking for another one. =p

I do have a point, as long winded, as this reply is... Don't give up hope and you're not alone. I am the same with my fantasy world of friends, yet I'm gonna keep trying to figure out this issue of mistrust of others, so that I can have real-life pals... like my best friend who is leaving for the army. Baby steps is the best way to go, in many things. :-D

**pretzel** · 06-03-2010 01:12 PM

Your friend will still be your friend, even if he's in the Army.

People come and go into our lives for a particular reason. Most of them just pass through on their own journey. Enjoy the time you spend with whomever it is. They may come and go, memories especially good ones stay.