frustrating "friend"

**heryseshta** · 05-25-2010 06:23 PM

Grr! I have a "friend" that I have known for over a year. I went to Mexico to hang out with her family for 3 weeks in December and we have been very close. However I have one issue with her...She is a terrible flirt. I met a guy that I liked and at first she flirted with him like crazy and he almost ended up going out with her, but somehow we ended up going out. Soon afterwords he wanted threesomes with us. Later on I broke up with him and actually met up with my ex boyfriend/friend with benefits. We didn't hook up and there was no way that we would, but then she ended up going out with him. Later on I ended up with a different friend with benefits, who she then flirted with and he ended up with a horrible crush on her...While she was going out with my ex. We both also have a mutual guy friend, who has had a crush on me for a long time. I didn't want to do anything with him, but she ended up flirting with him and he ended up wanting to hook up with her. She was still going with my ex at that time and for some reason can't seem to be able to take any guy liking me! She also has the attention of 3 or 4 other guys trying to hook up with her.
Needless to say it became a sensitive thing for me to see her around any guy, however my current boyfriend and her are friends. My issue isn't that they are friends, but that she flirts so much with him! She texts him more often than me, and when she is around him it has come to the point where she flirts more than I do! She brushes her butt up against him, she has gotten right into his face like she would kiss him and a lot of other things. It has come to the point where when my boyfriend goes around her he gets horny because of the way she acts. The other day he mentioned a threesome...I flipped out. I am still upset about it and he said he was just trying to make me jealous because he likes to see me defensive of him, because he doesn't feel desirable. Well now I am starting to worry I am not enough and that I'm not desirable because all my guys have ended up wanting her. My boyfriend says that he wants to marry me and he loves me, any feeling he has for her can only be called lust and she is just the type that a guy would want to use as a toy.
I guess it is just frustrating that my friend just can't leave my guys alone! I know I need to talk to her about it, I have already talked to my boyfriend about how I feel. But I need to talk to her too. I am about to the point though that I can't stand to be around her or to even talk to her.
Just needed to post up a rant. Sometimes that helps me sort out my feelings. I am just not sure if I can stay friends with someone who tries to steal my boyfriend, if she keeps it up after I talk to her though I know I can't keep being friends. Sigh...any type of relationship with a person is so difficult! Whether it is friend, family or boyfriend it is never easy!

**prawnprincess** · 05-25-2010 07:08 PM

Just an idea, but you could tell her that you appreciate her friendship, but if she doesn't stop flirting with your boyfriend and tone down the texting with him, then you won't hang out with her anymore? Her behavior sounds totally inappropriate. Maybe you could make a plan with your boyfriend that if she starts flirting with him that you will both leave and go somewhere else. It seems that at this point you are allowing this to go on because you aren't putting your foot down and setting boundaries with her or your boyfriend.

(This girl should know better than to do this to her friend)

**LanaBear** · 05-25-2010 07:15 PM

I would flat out tell her she needs to step back. That is just ridiculous. Tell her to back off with the flirtations of your current boyfriend. If she continues, then, that's the end of the relationship. She sounds like a very jealous person where the attention has to always be about her. I would have a hard time believing she would even see you as a friend and do this.

Talk with her ASAP. Regardless of how she takes it, if I was you, my time around her would be dwindling in my opinion.

**heryseshta** · 05-25-2010 07:27 PM

Yeah, I am planning on talking to her. What is more frustrating is that my boyfriend takes it as an ego boost because she finds him so desirable. I know I am hard on a guys ego, and lately it's been getting worse. I don't want sex because I am so paranoid he is thinking of her during it and I don't want to touch as much because I am just stressed. I also don't want to ask him to quit hanging out with her because I asked him to quit hanging out with another girl, he ended up doing that and he has quit going to raves because of the drugs and it did get him in trouble. He is already doing so much that I can't ask him to quit hanging with her too.
I am going to talk to her soon, when I am not so mad. She has been a good friend for the most part, except for around guys. It's just a frustrating situation and venting here helps.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-25-2010 07:36 PM

There is a competition going on.. She thrives on getting each of those guys off of you and your problem is for the most part, they really have been more like FWB's so that makes it easy for her to achieve.

The guys weren't exclusive to you persay.

But, if you want a healthy relationship, then you have to start to see that you don't need FWB's yourself.. You need a man who is going to love you, only you and won't even see the cheap shots of your "friends".

He has stated what each of those guys saw her as, "a toy" but also, it seems that even your current guy has mentioned the three some. So, where do you think they are getting that idea from? Her? I would hassed at a guess.

Not to be rude, but some girls just like to win, compete, it's all they live for which is sad.

That is not what you call a "friend"... is it.

You see her as a good friend, but she may make you laugh and you may hang out with her, you may see her as just a flirt, but when they cross the line, "friendship" line, then it's competition, you don't count, your not in her thoughts other than to compete with you.

Think about who your friends are.

And, think about your self worth, who you are, that you deserve to have a boyfriend, one that would tell you what she is doing and ignore what she is doing, not accept it and get horny over it...

He needs a kick up the butt too

CW

**Fallen1** · 05-25-2010 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

that you deserve to have a boyfriend, one that would tell you what she is doing and ignore what she is doing, not accept it and get horny over it...

He needs a kick up the butt too

I agree with everything CW said. She has such a way of seeing things.

She's also correct in adding the statement above. I agree, he needs a swift kick on the bum.

**heryseshta** · 05-25-2010 08:55 PM

Lol I gave him a good kick in the butt, he spent a few days being extra nice and trying to apologize. He is back to normal and doesn't talk about it anymore but does make sure to tell me how much he loves me everyday. I understand the difference between love and lust, and most guys will get horny if a girl wiggles on their lap and does anything else they can think of to get them horny. I do definitely blame her for whats going on.
I do want a real relationship rather than my fwb, but it was just the principle of the matter. If someone shows interest in me then she flirts and they then go to her. So I guess I just became worried, with that many guys going strait to her it just shattered my confidence. It's easy to make me jealous of her I guess.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-25-2010 09:01 PM

Sweet,

If many guys go to her, remember "why"..... it's because they can get some.... So your confidence should not be shattered at all, you should realise that they see her as easy... You are your own person... Having said that, that is what I am saying as well, don't put yourself into the FWB's... anymore.. You deserve more in life, okay...

Don't you realise that if all those guys were FWB's pretty much, or just benefits with ex's that those types of guys, play?

This is not you.. This is the guys you have been with, the "type" if they were all "boyfriends" then I doubt that this conversation would even be occuring, as they wouldn't do that to you, whilst with you at least

Don't at all be jealous of her... She's giving it up and they are saying thank you very much... What you aren't considering is what they are saying about her, behind her back...

CW

**heryseshta** · 05-25-2010 09:09 PM

Lol! The funny thing is that for me sex can be casual...She will never put out. I know it because she has gone to me for advice on sex for a while. I think it's because she flirts so much that it makes them want sex with her. I know that the reason why my bf wanted it with her was because she has some issues with being able to get off and he thinks she would be a challenge.
I am happy with my boyfriend...We have had some strange fights but we still are there for eachother and love eachother. I don't have an interest in a fwb at the moment. Those are way different than boyfriends, and I am enjoying the closeness of having a relationship.