We broke up :(

**LadyJinx** · 05-26-2010 08:32 AM

Yes, me and my boyfriend that I was with for a month and a half, broke up. He came over Monday to see me and we got into a discussion, led to an arguement, him being a smartass and mocking everything I say and breaking up with me.

My parents, three friends, my brother, even a manager at work I talked to last night at work said he wasn't good enough and is not worth the pain anymore.

It was all fine and dandy, until I got upset over the fact he wanted ME to meet him halfway for dates, park my car, and drive off in his and leave mine there all alone all day. We had sex later that night, got closer to each other emotionally and then it all downhilled from there. He eventually said his mother said I was too much gas and a long way away to drive to come out and get me and that I should drive to his house instead... FOR DATES! His whole solution to this? Me staying at his house..... I have priorities so I couldn't stay the night. I have work and two parrots I have to uncover, wake up and feed early in the morning and they come before him. They are my babies and they enjoy having me.

Then he started saying it. Yesterday, he wanted flexibility in the relationship. Wanted ME to "sometimes" pay for myself on dates, movies, his gas ... and he said that the guy shouldn't have to pay for every date and that not can afford that and it isn't going to be flexible it isn't going to work out.

I didn't let him take advantage of me because my last relationship was like that I'm healed from it, but I'm not going to pay for myself when a guy asks me out on a date or a movie. It just isn't right. He supposed to prove he wants to be with me... right? :/

I mean, I could of paid my way sometimes LATER in the relationship, but at a month? That's insane, we just started.

So basically he broke up with me because I wouldn't meet him half way for dates, I wouldn't pay for HIS gas sometimes for dates, I wouldn't drive to his house instead for dates. He called me disrespectful because I did show a bit of jealousy because I had to work my off everyday at work to pay for my bills and and then he asks ME to pay HIS gas and rides. No. Just no.

It hurts still, but I just don't want to cry anymore. I will, but I just want this to pass so I can move on, heal, and be ready someone who is willing to treat me like their girlfriend not their friend. It hurts because with me, sex is an emotional bond, I have sex with a partner, I'm going to be emotionally attached to them in certain ways ... and it just hurts because we downhilled after we had sex. This is why I have to be in a relationship to have sex, not with a friend or a booty call. It just won't work considering what I've had to go through sexually in the past.

He said we can still be friends... but why bother? So I can later in a few months see some other all over you where I've put my mouth on and be in the dark miserable because you hurt me like this? Yeah, I'll be friends now. That's about it, but he hasn't called or texted me to see if I'm ok or emotionally stable. I called him the other night just to find out "I'm done with this. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm upset and sad about what's happened but I deal with things differently. I'll remember the times, but that's it".

. He basically brushed me aside. I see why he has no social life. He's obsessed with his schoolwork and wouldn't let a sweet lady in his life and his mother control his side of relationship and interfere. Yes, his mother had to be involved by telling him I'm too far away or too much gas while she drives her BMW and has huge house and pays for EVERYTHING for him while I work my off and then get asked to pay for his .

I didn't bother sending him good morning/good night txts yesterday or call him because I don't want to be hurt right now. I'm bleeding inside because again, I've been hurt. Maybe I'll say hi in a few weeks... maybe never.

I don't even want to talk anymore about this with my parents because it hurts that bad. I keep blaming myself because I think I did something wrong to him... I guess he didn't really appreciate my uniqueness or how close I like to be with a partner in a relationship :/ is it too much to ask for a man who likes a lady who likes to be treated like a lady but then be extra close to him when they are alone?

IS IT?! I'm gonna break apart again. I feel like emotionally I have disconnected from everyone, except at work... work is making happy right now because I have to sweet and nice for customers and I enjoy their business.

I feel utterly alone. I lost so many friends because of him. People found out I was in a relationship. Two blocked ALL kinds of communication from me. 4 won't even speak to me. 1 is completely ignoring me. So yes, I am completely alone. And my memories are just killing me inside.

I took a big step to trust another guy again. A big step. And to have it stomped all over like this is painful. It took a lot for me to trust him sexually to not hurt me sexually (even though the sex was positive experiences for me). Trust and sex are two of my biggest fears because they've been abused and stomped all over in the past and it's painful when another one does it to me and doesn't even realize how much pain I'm in on the inside.

I don't want to break apart. I have to much going on right now to break down. I have to work, I have to work on my promotion in the restuarant, I have to worry about how I'm going to pay for classes for Fall 2010 (while his parents paid for his), I have my parrots to worry about, I have my stomach's acid reflux GERD to worry about getting out of hand while I'm stressed like this. I have worry if I'm pregnant... we used protection but my periods are so irregular, I'm worrying since mine hasn't come yet. And I don't want to go back to school miserable and deeply depressed where I fail and go back into anorexia. I fought anorexia for two years because of my last relationship being ... I almost died. I don't want to go back to that feeling or the scary number for 104.

:/

**sourpuss** · 05-26-2010 09:17 AM

1. Why did your friends drop you when you started dating him?

2. I don't agree that the guy should always pay. It's 2010, not 1934. Both parties should contribute to the relationship what they can. If he wants to see you but can't afford gas and dinner then the two of you should either split the cost, or find something to do that doesn't cost money. Relationship are about time together, not about who should pay for what.

3. If after one month, you're already having this many problems then maybe it's a good thing to split up. 4 weeks is not long and the two of you should still be pretty excited about one another and not worrying about money and gas, etc. Sounds like a lot of negativity so early on.

**LadyJinx** · 05-26-2010 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

1. Why did your friends drop you when you started dating him?

2. I don't agree that the guy should always pay. It's 2010, not 1934. Both parties should contribute to the relationship what they can. If he wants to see you but can't afford gas and dinner then the two of you should either split the cost, or find something to do that doesn't cost money. Relationship are about time together, not about who should pay for what.

3. If after one month, you're already having this many problems then maybe it's a good thing to split up. 4 weeks is not long and the two of you should still be pretty excited about one another and not worrying about money and gas, etc. Sounds like a lot of negativity so early on.

Personally, that was a bit harsh putting it in numbers.

And at a month.. no I shouldn't have to pay EVERYTHING. He wanted me to pay for EVERYTHING. He wanted me to drop my views and agree with his and his mothers that I should pay HIS gas to go out places. I wanted to date him, not his mother and her views.

Yes, both people contributing is a part of it, but at a MONTH? No. You're still new to each other. I would of split it up later on but at a month, no. He was the one constantly reminding me that I was too much gas to see, too long of a way to go to see... that's a good boyfriend? He would go to the beach and other free places, he'd come to my house, but his mother got involved saying I was too much gas to go see. And he always thought of us as two different people with different beliefs, not as boyfriend/girlfriend who enjoyed each other. I never asked him for everything to be in money. But he basically wanted me to cough up my check everytime we went somewhere and pay his gas. I wasn't going to pay everything for him, so he pulled the break up card on me.

He made me feel like an inconvenience then someone special to him.

He basically said I wasn't worth waiting for, I wasn't affordable... that's not how you treat your girlfriend... saying she's not affordable. And I didn't expect fancy places. I just wanted to be with him. I guess he didn't want me.

**KMonte85** · 05-26-2010 09:33 AM

Originally Posted by LadyJinx

And at a month.. no I shouldn't have to pay EVERYTHING. He wanted me to pay for EVERYTHING. He wanted me to drop my views and agree with his and his mothers that I should pay HIS gas to go out places. I wanted to date him, not his mother and her views.

Yes, both people contributing is a part of it, but at a MONTH? No. You're still new to each other. I would of split it up later on but at a month, no. He was the one constantly reminding me that I was too much gas to see, too long of a way to go to see... that's a good boyfriend? He would go to the beach and other free places, he'd come to my house, but his mother got involved saying I was too much gas to go see. And he always thought of us as two different people with different beliefs, not as boyfriend/girlfriend who enjoyed each other. I never asked him for everything to be in money. But he basically wanted me to cough up my check everytime we went somewhere and pay his gas. I wasn't going to pay everything for him, so he pulled the break up card on me.

He made me feel like an inconvenience then someone special to him.

He basically said I wasn't worth waiting for, I wasn't affordable... that's not how you treat your girlfriend... saying she's not affordable. And I didn't expect fancy places. I just wanted to be with him. I guess he didn't want me.

Reread what you just wrote here. Now think to yourself, "why on EARTH am I so broken up about this? I should be jumping for joy that this nincompoop is out of my life so I can find somebody who sees me as more than a financial burden."

Seems like your doing a lot of crying over a relationship that isn't/wasn't worth the tears.

**sourpuss** · 05-26-2010 09:40 AM

Then it's good that you only wasted a month of your time.

I asked a guy out last year and paid for his dinner. I think if it's your idea and your invite then you should pay. If it's a mutual agreement on plans, then it should be split. Or if you're short on cash, they pick up the tab and vice-versa. Maybe he saw your headstrong view on money and dating as a bad sign for the future..? can't say for sure, but I know that would be a red-flag for me. And paying for someone isn't 'proof' that you want to be with them. It's just picking up the tab. Using money to show you care, or expecting someone to pay to show they care is a recipe for disaster.

But all that said, after only one month talking about good girlfriend/boyfriend, splitting up costs, etc. Is a lot of pressure on a relationship that just supposed to be in the dating/fun stage. None of that should matter at this point. It should be happy and fun. If there's this many problems this early, it's best to go separate ways. From his perspective, I wouldn't want to be with someone who expects me to show I care by paying their way. And from your end, I wouldn't want to be with someone who, as a young adult (I assume you're both over 18) still allows their mother to control who they spend time with and how.

**LadyJinx** · 05-26-2010 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

Then it's good that you only wasted a month of your time.

I asked a guy out last year and paid for his dinner. I think if it's your idea and your invite then you should pay. If it's a mutual agreement on plans, then it should be split. Or if you're short on cash, they pick up the tab and vice-versa. Maybe he saw your headstrong view on money and dating as a bad sign for the future..? can't say for sure, but I know that would be a red-flag for me. And paying for someone isn't 'proof' that you want to be with them. It's just picking up the tab. Using money to show you care, or expecting someone to pay to show they care is a recipe for disaster.

But all that said, after only one month talking about good girlfriend/boyfriend, splitting up costs, etc. Is a lot of pressure on a relationship that just supposed to be in the dating/fun stage. None of that should matter at this point. It should be happy and fun. If there's this many problems this early, it's best to go separate ways. From his perspective, I wouldn't want to be with someone who expects me to show I care by paying their way. And from your end, I wouldn't want to be with someone who, as a young adult (I assume you're both over 18) still allows their mother to control who they spend time with and how.

Thank you, someone else who notices that his mother controlled his side of the relationship. Yes, I wasted a lot of time and I am broken up about what happened. I didn't ask him to show his love through money. He wanted to me show I loved him by paying my way. I didn't want that from him or me. Hugs, cuddling, snuggling and be close together are worth more to me than gold itself. It truly is. Money has ruined me in certain ways, it's ruined my brothers, my family, a few friends, that I only see it as paper and thing you need to buy things you need, not to buy love. It's paper or plastic.

We're both 20, I'll be 21 in August so yes, I'd be older than him.

And yes, if I had the money from my paychecks, I would ask him to lunch and pay his side and mine, but I never had that and he could never understand or accept it so he got upset and broke up with me that if it wasn't that way we weren't gonna work out.

I had to pay my mother money, put gas in my car, have money to feed myself in between, pay for my bird food which is expensive, have enough for my personal care items, emergency money, and then what's left goes into college savings since I have to pay for college. Him? He gets everything paid for him and I got reminded of that a few times.

Originally Posted by KMonte85

Reread what you just wrote here. Now think to yourself, "why on EARTH am I so broken up about this? I should be jumping for joy that this nincompoop is out of my life so I can find somebody who sees me as more than a financial burden."

Seems like your doing a lot of crying over a relationship that isn't/wasn't worth the tears.

It just hurts that I got hurt again. That's all. My major tears were two days straight, but now they've gone away. Part of me still misses the times together and a part of me is happy that I'm out of that. I felt very unhappy in the middle between his mothers complaining, getting involved, with him always thinking what he has to do and say around me which made me so nervous, he never seemed to be happy when he came to get me ... :/

....

Also, he gave me a lot of stomach acid, which shows I was upset about how he was around me. My stomach shows when I'm stressed and it isn't good for it at all with my condition. He was a shy, soft spoken type and he opened up to me but then he began to go back to he was when I first met him, curled up and quiet. I need someone up in front with me with my outgoing personality.. so...

But, should I stay his friend? Should I keep him on facebook, phone number? ... or should I wait and then talk to him as a friend.

But then again! He got hostile towards me the other night saying "If we are to legitimate friends, you can't keep bringing this up". There I am, a friend. He treats me like I did something wrong to him, like hit him... but I didn't. I was sweet as I could be to him :/ My mother says he sounds like someone who wants to lay back and have his girlfriend pick up the tabs eventually. Mothers are always right, yes?

**KMonte85** · 05-26-2010 09:58 AM

Don't bother being his friend... he sounds angry and vidictive right now, and I'm sure his mommy will have plenty to say to since you've angered her lil baby. He's already giving you stomach problems, keeping him around isn't worth it. I'm sure you've got plenty of friends, GREAT friends... why add the drama to your life of keeping him in it? Not to say that when you run into each other you can't be friendLY, but he doesn't need to be your buddy. Cordial, civil aquantances is about as far as I think you should let it get with him...

**sourpuss** · 05-26-2010 10:07 AM

Agreed.
Who needs drama. There are so many people that are worth your time and energy, don't waste another second on someone like him. (and his mother)

**LadyJinx** · 05-26-2010 12:18 PM

Thanks for the support. I only need some support to get me through the heartbreak and hurt and. I guess he couldn't have his way so he threw a fit, took his toys away, closed the toy box, and ran away instead of just accepting that both of us were tight on money but we had each other. Guess that was too much for him. I see why people say all he can do well is a schoolwork.

My mother said that when he talks, he's intelligent like a 24 year old, but when he acts, he acts immature and like a child. I can't have a child. I have two of those already (birds).

Truth is, I don't have many friends, at all. I have trouble making and keeping them and it goes along with what my counselor and I were talking about me having a personality disorder, and I told this kid about it and that it's a part of me and I did have a few episodes :/ maybe he too much of a kid and not a man.

So, how do I make some friends...? I don't get out much since I work and there are other issues as well.

**KMonte85** · 05-26-2010 12:24 PM

Well, in my experience, the best way to meet people you can become friends with is to start doing things that interest you and strike up conversations with other people doing those same things. Join a class, volunteer for a cause you're interested in, take up a hobby, join a book club, ect... the possibilities are endless, just find an organization of something you love doing and get to know the people in that organization. You already know you share a common interest, and can start conversing and building friendships off of that. Also, talk to your counselor about it. He or she will have suggestions for what you can do or work on to improve your social skills and get out in the world to meet new people and make new friends!