I can't get over my first breakup :(

**babycakes** · 05-27-2010 12:14 AM

Well about two weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me and basically said it was my fault. We've known each other for 3 years and have gone out for 2. We are both each other's first everything so this is why i'm very depressed right now because I can't handle this break up.

So last week my boyfriend gets two wisdom teeth pulled out and when we got back to his house he wanted sex. So i was kind of not in the mood but I gave in anyway because he sweet talked to me and all the nice stuff. You'd think he wouldn't want to do anything because of the pain, but he said that he didn't feel anything...but I knew that was a lie because for the first time he pounded on me like a toy.

He was always this sweet man who I would always have passionate sex with but out of the blue he turns into a beast. I told him to stop because i was burning and had throbbing pain..so in fairness I decide to finish him off. During that time he was very mean with his words, rolling his eyes, and even said to put the condom back on him so he could finish inside me. I was pissed off but i said to myself that it's the medication so i let it slide.

After we finish he starts complaining about the tooth pain and get very snappy with me. So i leave and the next day i texted him saying " are you feeling better and i miss you". Then i throw in a comment that said "yesterday you were very mean to me". He did say that the medication made him mad..so i reply "well in that case, the way you treated me made me upset and i wanted to hit you in the mouth". so he replys "kiss my " because he got offened...I then appoligize and told him that I would never hit him, it was just a form of expression of how mad I was.

So the next day i get ready to visit him and i called him in advance, and he says don't come over because we're through...He told his parents that i threated to punch him..WTH! He's a 20 yr old man who acts like a sometimes..First of all i never said i would punch him and secondly this was OUR problem. So i'm crying over the phone telling him what i meant and he says nothing was his fault because he was on medication.

And take this, he's becoming a cop and yet blames his actions on perscribe meds. It sucks because this relationship was going so smooth, without any arguments, and cuddling and kissing all the time. If he never bothered me form the begining I would have never gave in to date him. I gave this once a ing nerd a chance and yet he won't even look at me. He even said if i come over crying, he'd call the cops..I feel like because he was the only guy in my life who cared.

A week before this all happend he asked me to live with him!! Well now i have no one, my parents call me names and exclude me from everything, and i spend my time at home doing math work all day. I'm not allowed to go out even though i'm 19..I just want to kill myself because every time something wonderful happens to me a huge downfall like this happens out of the blue. my life and him..And yet i still love him. I even called today crying over the phone and he doesn't care. I wan't him back so bad and I doubt he'll want me. I wrote a letter and I hope to give it to him on Saturday. I want him back soo bad, he's leaving me on his prime...before he was this nasty looking guy with pimples, long hair, and a crooked nose. But i gave him a chance and this is what i get in return now that his thrush is gone, face is all cleared up, eyesbrows that i pluck are neat, nose is straight, teeth are straight and pearly white because i got him white strips, hair is nicely cut, and he's tanned..I feel like a used pile of ..I know you guys might say to forget about him but i just want to know how i can get this guy back..Yeah i know, i'm crazy..

**Mes T** · 05-27-2010 12:24 AM

You're not crazy, but definitely blinded, being that this is your first break-up.

This guy is not interested in you, and there's nothing less attractive than a girl desperately trying to win back a guy who doesn't want to be in that relationship any more.

Really the best way to get over him is to stop contacting him all together, no calls, no texts, NO visits, NO SEX. The more you interact with him, the longer it'll take for your pain to go away.

The way he treated you during that incident you described is just terrible and would deserve dump-age if you weren't already broken up.

There are plenty of guys out there, some REALLY good ones, mind you, and I think you should leave this one behind and find someone better.

We're kind of taught to put our "firsts" on a pedestal. The guy you have your first kiss with, the guy you have sex with first, etc. But the truth of the matter is that "first" is NOT the same thing as "best" or "most meaningful."

Get out there girl and live your life!

**JadedQueen** · 05-27-2010 05:36 AM

I think you should not contact him.... find ways to distract yourself by keeping busy hang out with friends etc.... since you say that you guys have been together for 2 years and things were perfect, you didn't fight or argue and he gets his teeth pulled and his behavior does a complete change... he may be having a reaction to the medication they gave him prior to pulling his teeth or the pain medication. Don't contact him at all (especially if the medication is making him act this way and he's still taking it) and wait and see what happens. If it is something to do with the medication my guess is he will contact you when he's back in his right mind.... if it's not the medication and he's truely a jerk it's better that you found out now prior to moving in with him when things would have been more complicated to work out. I know it's difficult to keep it together and not contact him but stay strong and try to distract yourself (tell yourself that he's out of town and you can't contact him) If this is all due to the medication you don't want to put yourself in the position to take his anger/abuse cuz that would just cause you more heartache... Please let us know how things work out.

**WildChild** · 05-27-2010 06:32 AM

He doesn't sound very nice and it sounds like you feel he was beneath you but you cleaned him up and made him presentable, so he should be grateful to you? You aren't coming to this from a very emotionally healthy place. Some distance might just be good for you.

What is the problem between you and your family? Can you work on that and on establishing some healthy friendships? Anytime you are depedant in a relationship it isn't healthy. How much longer do you have in school? Do you have a job?

**babycakes** · 05-27-2010 06:29 PM

He was never beneath me, it doesn't matter who your are when it comes to me wanting to clear up the skin because that's what i like to do. I'm in college to hopefully become a dermatologist so me intentionally wanting to make him look better to be with me is not true. Plus he asked me to get him white strips for Christmas and he asked me what kind of hair cut would looked good on him. Everything else he did was on his own because he got influenced by stupid shows like Jersey Shore and Entourage. He's like a little kid. What ever he watches he has to go out there and do. And the only reason why his nose got straight was because he had a deviated septum..that i told his mother about. She's the one who took him to go get it fixed. Inside his nose was blocked and swollen because it was so bad but he didn't think it was a problem...but he's not that bright and didn't realize this was causing him headaches and horrible nasal congestion...Actually every time he looked better and more somewhat guido..I hated it and wanted my old soft hearted 80's rocker man that i feel in love with to come back. But now he's become todays fist pumping, tanning, gelled hair pretty boy...

. I kind of miss his long hair as well lol but he's gonna have to shave it off in a few weeks before he goes in the police academy....Soo i'll let yo guys know how this Saturday goes. I won't force myself on him but i do have a letter and a photo to give him before I leave, I just want to do that because afterwards I wont call him until he can at least text me saying hi or call me first. OOO and another thing, i can't lose contact because i'm his sisters confirmation sponsor.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-27-2010 06:40 PM

Well now i have no one, my parents call me names and exclude me from everything, and i spend my time at home doing math work all day. I'm not allowed to go out even though i'm 19..I just want to kill myself because every time something wonderful happens to me a huge downfall like this happens out of the blue.

And, he called you names as well, jumped on you, didn't care if it hurt you.

What your screaming for is not him, it's a life...

Why do you parents call you names? Not include you in things and not let you out of the house? And, therefore, how did you see him?

CW

**babycakes** · 05-27-2010 07:51 PM

My parents call me names because their always stressed out. It's something that i dealt with my whole life. They even admit that the reason why they yell at me and say mean things is because they had a bad day..plus they always compare me to the way they lived when they were kids. My mom was abused and my dad became wild when his dad died. So put those two together and you get a pissed off couple. My mom calls me ugly...I wish you were never born..stupid..spoiled..etc.. And it's funny because they don't treat my brothers this way. Well my dad does but thats because my father is an alcoholic. My ex boyfriend would always get mad because I would never let him over my house because it looks like a dump...I even told him it's not a place for you to come over and i even told him why. But he didn't care and wanted to come over...o yeah and I forgot to say one more thing that he told me when he broke up with me. He said 'your probably jealous with the way i live and i don't want to be with you because of that". He's right i am jealous because his parents always cuddle and laugh together, he has a nice house, cool cars, and a family who plays together. But what does that have to do with me being mad..I was happy that he had that type of life because why would i want him who i love to live the life the way i do. O well he'll never understand that since I come from I cherish the little things that he doesn't pay attention too.