Why do I feel the way I do

**ladyhawke** · 06-05-2010 02:05 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and he just doesn't turn me on anymore. Our relationship has been rocky because he is so clingy. He can't do things by himself. I don't have a life anymore. Sex sucks big time. It is not exciting anymore.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-05-2010 07:05 PM

So what was exciting about the relationship 5 years ago, only the sex?

Then you entered it through "chemistry" and once that chemistry was gone, you saw the person.

This person isn't what you want out of life if you don't like clingy, or him being able to think for himself.

But, "I don't have a life anymore", suggests that you have allowed the relationship to just be you two all the way through, or you are not motivated to be independent and maybe he's the same, you both just spend time together and not venture out as indidviduals therefore, having nothing exciting happening in your lives.

Be clear of which it is.

It could actually be that you are both not, living and loving life outside of your relationships.

Perhaps tell us your usual 7 days spent together, 24/7 including work/friends/going out and you may get more clarity happening.

CW

**doodle89** · 06-08-2010 03:15 PM

Wow.. this is the same situation I was in a few weeks ago. I've been in my relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. 2 weeks ago he told me he didn't have feelings the way he did for me anymore. I was heartbroken. I didn't know what to do. I didn't think I could live without him and all that lovey dovey stuff that comes along with it. We are back together now, but things have definitely changed between us. I know you're saying that YOU don't feel it anymore, but deep down inside (even though my boyfriend was in your position) I can say now that I was as well but I was just too afraid to admit it.

We started dating in High-school. We have all the same friends, families are friends, live 10 min. away, would see each-other everyday and spend 4 out of the 7 nights together. We burnt each other out. I felt that I would have to always make him happy leaving no time for myself. I gave up hanging out with my girl friends, going to the gym when I wanted to, just having that girl time that we all need. I would put in before anyone or anything else. My best friend, who is also his best friend was devastated when he found out that my boyfriend broke it off with me. He's an amazing friend to talk to and made me realize that "I don't need anyone." What he meant by this is that I don't need to rely on anyone else to make me happy. I couldn't really understand what he meant by this at first because I felt selfish and b*tchy for having that type of attitude but it's truly helped me out so much. I'm like a whole new person now. We are back together and have agreed that there are things that we both need to work on if we want our relationship to work. He means the world to me and I do love him with all my heart but I let him know that he makes me happy, but I can't rely on JUST him to do that. I'm only 21 years old, I need that girls night out. I want to have fun. I want to be able to find out just what I want to do with my life.. he understands that and I think it's the best thing that ever happened. You need to sit down with you boyfriend and let him know how you feel. You may have feelings for him still but they're just covered up with the constant feeling of always being with him and not having you're own 'life' without him. This is what happened to my relationship. Take some time apart and maybe you'll realize this. Or, you may realize that it is time to just go your separate ways. It's going to be tough but you need to be happy. Best of luck and I'd love to hear what happens.

**Jex** · 06-18-2010 03:46 PM

Ladyhawke, Doodle89 ... I know that you have both been in your relationships for a pretty long time, I am currently in a new relationship that started nine months ago, but i was in a four year relationship which was exciting to start with, with the near constant kissing, cuddles and sweet words at night. But it began to get boring and he became agressive and irritating, and he ended up on d*ugs and self harming on a daily basis due to his own mental problems, he ended up in counceling and in the end i felt like i had to be with him to help get through everything, i was only young and naive if i may say so now but the spark had definatly abruptly disapeared. My new boyfriend isn't anything like him, he's nice and sweet, fantastic in the bedroom and i couldn't ask for more, the only thing is he's mother has recently past away and the only thing i wish for more than anything in the world is for my current boyfriend not to end up anything like my last, but he doesn't talk about he's feelings... since we have been together he has spoken to me once, and he bottles everything inside, im not asking him to tell me his life story just to let go a little bit ... Does anyone know the best way of telling him to let go without causing an arguement?
Any advice much appreciated