My wife has me confused

**ykw** · 06-07-2010 11:06 AM

We're in our late 40's and early 50's. Several years ago we thought and talked about Swinging and even went so far as to place an ad online and visit a Swingers Club although we never got involved.
We both have high sex drives and are mutually OK with the idea. Then she came up pregnant and the whole idea was put on hold so to speak, although she said leave the Profile and Pics on the Swinger Site online. That was seven years ago.
About a year ago she started mentioning it again in casual, limited conversation. As time went by we discussed it more. About a month ago, she said she was ready and eager to actually do it.
We again went to a different Swinger Site, took pics, wrote a Profile, etc and she actually did a 'fair amount' or chatting with others, etc.
Things aren't that great financially right now for us as I am unemployed so money is tight. Our child is old enough for a 'sitter' no problem there.
Two weeks ago she was diagnosed with a minor though painful female ailment, completely unrelated to sex. That day was the last day she went online to check the Swinger Site. She simply deletes anything of a sexual nature in her personal email account whereas we used toread them together.
She has not asked me to remove the Swinger Site Profile or pics so I guess perhaps she is still open to it.
In any case, I am confused. Why the total 360 degree turn around. In the female mind, do 'female problems' cause this type of confusion? Oh, then after a week or so of the diagnosis she lost her 15 year job. I know we have personal/financial problems right now, but why just shut down 'mentally' on this subject? Can't talk directly, but what is you guys opinions?
Driving me crazy!

**sourpuss** · 06-07-2010 11:15 AM

She's under a lot of stress, and so are you. I think she's probably having second thoughts (or the second thoughts she was already having are huge now).
If the two of you were friends of mine, I'd say put the idea on hold until you both have jobs, are healthy and happy.

**LanaBear** · 06-07-2010 11:22 AM

She's going through a lot... And yes, depending on the diagnosis, whether related to sex or not, could absolutely have everything to do with a complete turn around of what she felt before and what she feels now.

I agree with sp... Put it on hold until things are better for you both. Doesn't it, to you, seem kind of selfish to want it right now? You seem so concerned with why she doesn't want it rather than trying to help her with what she is going through. I think the both of you need to talk about what is going on with her right now and where her thoughts are. She's obviously hurting in some aspect, physically and obviously mentally, the last thing I'd be concerned with is why doesn't the wife have no interest in swinging anymore....

Just a thought.

**Hopeless Dork** · 06-07-2010 11:30 AM

With a new health condition, losing her job... what she is likely craving is some stability. Swinging in a relationship can be okay for some couples but wreak havoc in others and she probably has had suffered to many blows recently to put what the two of you have together at risk at this time.

Loving her, supporting her through the loss of her job, and her medical stuff will get her feeling like her old self soon enough. That may mean an interest in that lifestyle again or it may mean she has decided its not for her... but either way, pushing for something new and different at a time where new and different have lead to stress is not going to help.