stopping friends from starting affair

**missroux** · 06-08-2010 07:38 PM

Hi, new here and looking for advice. We have a group of four couples who have been together for awhile and enjoy spending time together. About a year ago we invited a new couple into the group. Recently, the wife of this couple has been blatantly flirting and pursuing one of the husbands of the group. He does not do much, if anything, to discourage this behavior. In fact, we are all afraid they will begin an affair and break up their marriages and our group. We care very much about the husband and his wife. What, if anything, can we do to prevent this from going any further? We are all going to the ocean in a few weeks, and this woman's behavior has made us apprehensive about going.

**Mes T** · 06-08-2010 07:48 PM

Ultimately if someone wants to have an affair, there's not much anyone can do to stop them. If they can't respect certain boundaries, that's their problem, and some day they must suffer the consequences.

As for the rest of the people in this group, I think the solution is simple - don't invite her. In fact, kick her out of your circle entirely. She's making everyone uncomfortable and there's no need to continue being around this person.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-08-2010 08:16 PM

Curious, what does "her husband do, when she is acting this way?" And, how does the husband's wife react?

Your talking about the group in general so if they can all see it, I would assume so can the prospective partners of this group where this flirting is occuring?

**WildChild** · 06-08-2010 08:29 PM

How about finding an oblique way of bringing out with the group. If you can steer a converstation toward something such as different social interactions and conversational techniuques. You could say you read an article about it - do an internet search and you'll find some, so it will be the truth. Bring up flirting as a method and then you can throw something like, "Suzie and Mike are really good at that. How did you master that?"
You're keeping it on a positive note but getting it into the light. If you can find a way to make a joke of it, do some gentle teasing with it when they start in. That can be a good way to defuse something.

**rcoreyus** · 06-08-2010 11:02 PM

Hmmm, I'd stay out of it. Peoples relationships can be very complex. Maybe all concerned know that its "harmless" flirting. Maybe some of the couples are in open relationships. I think it is very difficult to really know what is going on.

**Joey** · 06-09-2010 03:11 AM

hmmm....this is a toughy as like said above, you really have no idea whats going on. Unless they have openly said 'yes, we are flirting because we want to start an affair' then you really dont know! Yeah, there might be 'harmless' flirting, but this cant be made into the assumption that cheating is definitly going to happen.

As CW said, im curious as to how the wife acts when her husband is like this?

**BabyGirl** · 06-09-2010 07:41 AM

Does this woman flirt with all of the Hubby's equally ? Does the Man flirt with all of the wives equally ?

Some people are just more bubbly and vivacious than others and it shows natually when in crowds.

But one thing to watch for is touching, Take one at a time and watch how and if they touch each other and how they touch others. In most groups of good friends, in the greeting is usually a hug between woman and woman and woman and man, Men usually shake hands , some give semi-hug or pat each other on the shoulder as a way to say " Hi Buddy".

Keep an eye on them both, note if they seem to be drawn to where the other is in the crowd. Like if they sit or stand next to each other more than their Spouses. Do they seem to seek each other out , either by ending up near each other or seeking out with their eyes, winks, when too far to touch each other ?

WC, had a good point.. There are subtle ways to bring it to their attention, that they seem a bit overly flitry .
But it is different on how to mention these ways, without knowing a bit more, like ages and what kind of group things you all do, besides going to the Ocean in a few weeks. Do you all live in the same area ? things like that .

**Aithneu** · 06-10-2010 02:51 PM

I'm a pretty up front person- and in situations like these, it helps. Life is too short to be polite, and "minding your own business" isn't going to help your friend, who, since she has obviously chosen not to do or say anything about the situation, must feel helpless and awkward. If I were you, I'd politely but confidently ask her if she is flirting with him as soon as she does it, and in front of as many people as possible. The awkward moment of silence afterward should be enough for her to distance herself, and it gives her the benefit of the doubt, as you're not directly accusing, just asking. I mean, if the situation is as you say it is and everyone's uncomfortable but afraid to speak, say what's on all of your minds. Call me a spitfire, but I ain't lettin' no woman talk to MY friend's man like that!