Chapter Closed.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-16-2010 07:00 AM

So it happened. It was "mutual", but hurtful and very sad all at the same time. We both cried, though I said little. He kept reiterating how different we are and how he needs more, etc....but then kept saying he didn't want to break up. When I'd ask "so what DO you want then, because breaking up sounds like what you're going for?" he didn't have any answer other than "I don't know.". Part of me thinks he was hoping to reiterate those things and hear me say "You're right, I'll change". I could have said that, losing him is not what I wanted. But I knew that kind of change for me would only be temporary. And at the end of the day, I knew it was inevitable, we're different people who want different things, who need different things in order to be happy.

I know his heart is broken though I haven't heard from him since he left my house yesterday evening. Mine feels broken too. I hate it. I wish I could change it, I wish I could change me and those things about me that don't seem to quite fit into a relationship....but that seems to be a task that's going to take much longer than a year to accomplish.

He and I were friends first. And maybe someday we can be there again. For right now, I'll hurt....and deal with missing him and deal with the loss, deal with my own feelings of inadequacy for not being able to make it work, deal with my guilt for not being able to reciprocate the extent of his feelings, and eventually, I'll be ok again. And I'll pray every day that the hurt leaves him, and that he can find someone who truly makes him happy.

**pretzel** · 06-16-2010 07:29 AM

BD, I know this was extremely hard. I wish I had better words of comfort, I don't.

Just know that there are many here who can listen (well read) and be here for you.

You both gave to each other what was needed. Be thankful in that you and he made each of you better people.

**KMonte85** · 06-16-2010 07:39 AM

I'm sorry to hear about the hurt you're feeling, BD. Breaking up is so hard, neither person wants to hurt or hurt each other, but ultimately, I think you both know that the pain you feel now will subside... and eventually you will both go on to find greater happiness. A happiness that does not require you or him to change the fundamentals of your souls...

you are who you are (as is he) and you will find someone to compliment that beautifully. But until then, try to look at your year together as a time of growth, you learned a lot about yourself, you helped him jump a huge hurtle in his life with the genetic testing... you've grown, SO much!

I'm here if you need to talk, as I'm sure everyone else is!

**Joey** · 06-16-2010 07:52 AM

BD im so sorry to hear this. as KM and Pretzel have said, we are all here for you. You are not alone.
xx

**Fallen1** · 06-16-2010 07:57 AM

So sorry to hear about your breakup BD.

Reading your threads, although I never responded, I do believe it is for the best for the both of you. Although you cared deeply for each other I believe that the two of you were so different that continuing the relationship would have caused more hurt and resentment in the long run.

I'll be thinking about you and hoping that the broken hearts for the both of you will be short lived.

**ocularone** · 06-16-2010 09:12 AM

Also, i just want to add that i think your attitude and your outlook on everything that happened is great. It's always difficult when relationships come to an end. I think you're taking it as a mature, selfless person should. I'm glad to hear there isn't any spite on your part. That you can say you hope he can get over his hurt and find someone who makes him happy. This sounds like a HEALTHY ending of a relationship. Now you just have to let it hurt and burn for a while. It stinks it has to be so painful, doesn't it?

**WildChild** · 06-16-2010 09:16 AM

It's never easy, but you each made some positive contribution to the other's life. Try to be grateful for that . Love yourself, stay busy.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-16-2010 11:03 AM

Thanks to all of you. I just didn't figure it would hurt this bad. He text me this morning. I told him I laid some of his stuff out for him to get today, plus all the stuff in my garage of his. His response was "I can go get it later if thats what you want". ????????? and then an "ok then..." response. So I guess he's sort of putting this in my hands, sort of like the rest of our relationship. Then he said he was hoping we could talk tonight....but about what? That's basically what he did yesterday, which resulted in us breaking up. So what does he want? I'm at fiscal year end at work, and SWAMPED, stress is a mile high, along with Fathers Day this weekend (which always gets me down a bit), but HE'S on his weekend so I guess he wants to get all this out of the way while he's off. Of course it hurts me....of course it does. Were we compatible? No. But it didn't stop me from caring deeply for him and working really hard to try to make it work (and I know I shouldn't have had to work hard....) It doesn't stop me from hurting, even more so than I imagined I would.

Ugh. Wishing I was at home, rather than buried under the rubble at work so I could just curl up and cry.

**WildChild** · 06-16-2010 11:22 AM

Dig into work and see if you can lose some of it there?
He may be hoping that you will ask to give it another try. You know in your heart that isn't what is right for either of you. Let him come get his stuff, that might just be better done without you there.
You can have a good cry later.

**kygirl** · 06-16-2010 12:18 PM

Sweetie... I am SO sorry! I know that even when it "makes sense" and "seems like the best thing", it still hurts when you care about someone. It really hurts when you were friends first and you to take time away from them. But you're right that you can't change things just for him, and maybe it was best that one of you stepped up and said "okay this isn't really working." All the care in the world can eventually turn bitter if you just keep staying in a relationship forever.

Give yourself time to feel what you feel, think about what you truly want and need out of life, and then you can move forward and start anew. Trust me, I've been through it a lot and everytime it gets harder but everytime I feel like I am one step closer to finding exactly what I've been looking for. Hopefully this time I've already found it... And I know you will too!

you a strong, beautiful woman and you'll get through this. Until then, at least you have your puppy

Dogs make all kinds of things better

(and you have us...

)
*hugs*