Unable to become attracted to anyone

**ssh** · 06-19-2010 08:40 AM

.. but my ex.

It's been 5 months since we broke up, and it's been really hard on me. There have been other interesting men who came up during this time, but everything always fell on one thing -- in the end I didn't feel any attraction to them.

In fact, I haven't been able to feel attracted to ANYONE who isn't my ex, and the thought of having sex with someone else is very unpleasant.

I feel like I've cut the emotional ties to my ex, I understand why he dumped me, we weren't going to last in the long run. But the sex was great, and I can't imagine having sex with anyone else.

I've tried, but I can never relax enough for "it" to work. It just doesn't work, I never feel aroused by men anymore.

What to do?

**tritonalum07** · 06-19-2010 08:48 AM

Quite honestly, I think you need to evaluate why whether or not you can have sex with someone is the first thing that comes into your mind. It seems to me that when you get to know a person, if there is going to be chemistry there, it will develop--so while initially you might not be able to see yourself having sex with someone, eventually your feelings may be so strong for that person that you change your mind. I would try to keep that initial need to decide if you can be intimate with someone at bay until you really get to know them.

**WildChild** · 06-19-2010 09:46 AM

I can understand this, when I'm emotionally/mentally connected I don' feel much attraction to others. This could mean you are still connected or it could be a protective thing. I too, consider sexual attraction a big point if considering spending time with a man.

Why not try just some casual dating, freindly, no expectation of sex? You may find that if you can relax and have fun with a few men, your interest will perk up.

**BabyGirl** · 06-19-2010 09:54 AM

To me, it sounds like you have / had what I do or did.

I call it the " Born Again Virgin " Syndrome.
Before my last " Love of my Life" that has recently failed. I was and am now again a "Born again Virgin ".

Meaning that I want / wanted to be loved and held and respected and desired and treasured for Everything but having Sexual Actions. It took me 6 years even to find the " Right Man", which was the "Wrong Man" , to even want a Sexual Relationship with.

We Started as Friends and Companions, sharing everything but actual Sexual intercourse. After a few months we tried the Sexual acts, it was mutual , but He could not perform and we kept trying and held that emotional bond that kept us trying, kept us wanting , kept us searching.

I put in everything I could into the sexual part, ( after 6 months) and it failed due to his being Married or Impotent or a little of both. That is one lesson I learned about ME !!

When I first met him and " dated" him , it was about FRIENDSHIP... Things in Common, Being a Buddy, trying to help him & wife stay together and other political and emotional beliefs.. What got us to the Sexual Nature of our relationship was a " Friendship that Developed First ".

It wasn't his looks, it wasn't his money, it was his Friendship. So, even though the best SEX you ever had and you don't even want to try having sex with another, was because of your Ex hubby.. You should try allowing someone to be a Friend first !!

Right or Wrong, ( using my example ) there are others that can and will want you or have you , ones that want to Seek out someone who can be your Friend First .. Enjoy those people.

Put your " I'm a Born Again Virgin " .... shirt / face / Additude ON !!! And go have FUN .

You will meet someone that you can or will have a loving sexually included relationship with .. If only you take time and set rules for Yourself and Them..

It just takes time.

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