Thread: Don't know what to do, any suggestions?

My sad story, sorry it is so long

The background

Married 23 years, 4 children 21, 20, 13 and 10. Wife had an affaur 16 years ago.

Tell me if I am being an idiot or not.

after the affair, I desided to move out. We lived apart for about 2 month, then due to a car issues I moved back in...there never was a realization of regret or sorrow from her. We went to a marraige conslor but stopped after three session because he was telling her it was all her fault. I stayed with her because I hoped that by taking care of normal things (bills, chores kids etc tec) she would realize what she had. But it felt like she only stayed because he was in CA and us in NE and she thought I would get the kids. We got to the point where she agreed not to talk to him anymore.

AHe traveks for work 2-3 three times a year nad I real have no way to know iwhich conferences he is at, but I know they are at the same confernces occasionally. Over the years I have found pictures and cards from him and last month after finding another picture with her head on his shoulder from 4 years ago the lastest arguement started. I told her I was fed up with the lies regaring him and that I wanted a divorce unless all ties were severed forever. She claims she loves me and they are only freinds and agreed to send the email and copy me on it.

Now if you do want to save your marraige how long should it take you to write sucj an email? immediately? a day? a week? Also she said she had one email from him and she deleted it when she sent the requested email. However when I told her I wanted to check her email, I found not only one but 20 or so. They have been deleted, but with the PC and ease of creating an email account I will never be able tocheck up on her to see if they are still communicating.

She has never given him up for me. Our marraige has been one of going through the motions for the kids. I tried to set up dates for us, she wither hated them when she went or just blew them off. She has never seemed happy always tense amd on edge with me and the kids. I do not know what to do I still lov her, but I am tired of dealing with the affair issue. Everyt few years when I find an card, pic, or email it is like I have to go through it all agian and again. Part of me wants to get a divorce and just end it all and find someone who wants me, but I am afraid of what that will do to my kids. She says she wants to work on it, but that is what she has said before. It feels like she is just telling something to shut me up until I find the next email or whatever

Am I a glutten for punishment or is my sticking it out the right thing? If you think I should keep working on it any suggestion on how I can believe she is sinsere?

Thanks in advance for an advice, Sorry so long and possible mis spekked words but I am also legally blind.

Terry