is it weird that my bf still talks to his ex?

**diplodocus** · 06-22-2010 07:06 AM

They dated for nearly 4 years and haven't been going out for like nearly 2 years, so am I just being really silly when I get annoyed that they see each other and still talk heaps? He says they are just friends and that he would never do anything with her again considering she cheated on him and thats why they broke up, but why would anyone want to still be friends with their ex after they cheated on you? Am I being a jealous gf for no reason and just leave them to it or does anyone else find this a bit strange?

**pretzel** · 06-22-2010 07:22 AM

Depends.

How great is your trust in him and he in you? Are you sure that when he says something he means it and is honest about it?

Your reaction to this is based largely on your own relationship, how your past relationships ended.

Is it possible that he has gotten over the fact that they broke up because she cheated on him, but that there were other things they liked about each other that knowing they would never be a couple again has allowed them to be better friends.

**auds80** · 06-22-2010 07:30 AM

i dont know but if it was me and my bf was seeing his ex and having friendly chats i wouldent like it!!
have you told him that you dont like it? has he just started meeting her again or has this been the way since the break-up 2yrs ago? if its the latter then they prob are just mates but if its a new thing id be putting my foot down,but you know him better than anyone!

**diplodocus** · 06-22-2010 07:34 AM

well until recently i thought we trusted each other really well, but I just found out he's been hiding something from me since we started dating nearly 8 months ago....so I dunno???

But I dont want to break it off with him because of that.

I suppose he has gotten over the reason they broke up, he is very forgiving.
I think you might be right that they have been able to be better friends but it feels weird when they're together coz they know each others little quirks and he seems to be just that bit happier around her, and it seems that I dont make him that happy??

**diplodocus** · 06-22-2010 07:36 AM

it got more frequent when I started dating him, I'm the first girl he's dated since her, and some of his mates told me that she was a bit jealous of that fact.

I have told him I dont like it but he just said they are friends and that's all.

**pretzel** · 06-22-2010 07:41 AM

Well a 4 year relationship if a long time so they more than likely do know each other's little quirks and such. That to me wouldn't be a big deal.

The fact he's hiding something at 8 months in would be a bit disconcerning.

Your fear that you feel you don't make him happy could very well be your own trepidation toward his relationship with his ex gf. It sounds like a carryover effect.

Personally, I'd deal more with the present and working on bettering your relationship with him.

**val123** · 06-22-2010 07:57 AM

i think is strange for him to talk her if she cheated on him.... i dont think they have nothing to talk about...they should just leave it along especailly if they havent talked in years

**Mes T** · 06-22-2010 05:52 PM

I wouldn't like it.

But the things you've listed thus far don't sound like cause for concern, I mean everyone puts on a "happy" face around their friends, and then it's the SO's job to see all the other sides of their partner.

If you think he's neglecting you in some way because of this girl, you need to have a serious discussion, and don't take "we're just friends" for an answer - ask for a detailed explanation of why their relationship is okay, as if for his sake you're trying really hard to understand this. Which is true!

**Joey** · 06-23-2010 02:06 AM

I wouldnt be too happy about it either if im honest.
I would have a hard time knowing that my boyfriend was meeting up and chatting to someone who i knew that he was emotional involved with and loved in the past - let alone all the details of knowing that they had sexual chemistry aswell. I would find that quite hard - BUT on the otherhand i know that the trust me and my boyfriend have for each other is insanely large - so I just know that nothing would happen (if that was my situation!)

Like said above, i dont feel ike you have any cause for concern. Even if something did happen, and the ex fdeclared her undieing love for him, would he even want to go back to a cheater? someone who broke his heart? when he has a loving an caring girlfriend? i dont think so!

Like Mes said, i think that there is only real concern if he is meeting up with her and communicating with her ALOT. and when i say that, i mean like everyday kind of thing. because to me thats not neccessary at all. The 'ex factor' is always a dodgy subject - i cant stand it when my boyfriend will bring up a conversation with his ex in it - i just dont find it appropriate in the slightest and alot of people would feel the same. I think you can be reassured as your boyfriend seems pretty open about this. There would be a handful of guys that wouldnt be.

If it is really grating on your mind, which it clearly is, maybe its time to have a proper discussion about it? not a slanging match obviously, but just to let him know you confusion of the whole thing.