Thread: i needs some good advice on how to deal with my break up

It doesn't sound like he wants to work it out and you can't have this relationship if you are the only one that really wants it I'm sorry. I mean you can tell him you promise not to argue anymore -- but if something bothers you, are you really going to bite your tongue? You can try... but it sounds like you guys just don't get a long. 10 months is HONEYmoon phase of a relationship... if you guys are already bickering on each others nerves... just imagine 2 years from now.

The cheating probably has more to do with this than you think. 1. Its a clear sign of his respect for you and his relationship with you, and that respect is lacking. So I can see it spreading its way into every day things. Cheaters are generally very egoistic and selfish and even if he's not doing it anymore -- him cheating that once is a symptom of a bigger problem, a huge character flaw.

You guys don't have kids, it sounds like you don't live together and it sounds like your happiness is short-lived and momentary and the rest of the time you guys are fairly miserable.

I've got to ask why you want to save this, he's cheated, you guys argue all the time, and now... he doesn't want to put for the effort to work it out. It sounds like he just isn't very committed to being with you, and if he isn't... sure, you can probably 'get him back'... but it sounds like this vicious cycle will just keep on repeating.

Why don't you have this break... and try to work on making yourself feel good, getting some relaxation and trying to calm your anxieties... have some fun with some girlfriends, take on a new hobby or fitness program, busy yourself, improve yourself... and live for yourself for a while and see if you are not happier than being with someone that spends a great deal of time making you sad.

hi

thank you this is reli good advice. i think i know deep down that all you have said is right, its just so hard to come to terms with it. when we are togeather he does put the effort in and his mum has also said he has never loved anyone like he loves me. he can be very stuborn though. I need to be stronger i think but with my anxiety attacks at the moment i am finding it hard to stay strong and positive. we was kind ov living toeather he has his own place and i stayed there all the time although not offically living there as such. i have moved all my things out today and back to my parents.

i have been very low for the last few weeks and was just starting to get back on track this has just knocked me rite back to aquare one, i feel like i dont know what to do with my self. i have good support from my friends and family but i know if he talked it out and got back togeather i would feel a whole lot happier.

thanks again for you comment it has been very helpful

I think that getting back together is what would feel best, for the immediate time anyway... nothing heals the hurt of a break up faster than making up :P A lot of times couples that aren't suited to each other will get back together after break ups time and time again because of the co-dependency, neither wanting to feel hurt , even short term. So they get up on that horse again, put a bandaid on the wound... that eventually doesn't stay on... washes off and then the cycle repeats.

When you know its just not going to work... sometimes you have to take that kick to the gut, feel the pain of it, strongly, temporarily... and let it heal. Its much better that than the perpetual damage that comes from unhealthy unhappy relationship.

But boy oh boy do I understand what heartache feels like , and sometimes you'd do just about anything to ease that pain... including getting back to something you know isn't right for you. It will take strength... to stay away. Its likely when he has a lonely moment, wants sex, or is just missing the friendship you guys had that he will call and want to hang out and then the ball will be in your court to decide to stay strong or give in.

It sounds like right now if he were to call and say come back, you'd be here in 10 minutes. And I understand that. I do. But realize this is something he will take for granted, that he can cheat, that he can tell you he doesnt even want to be with you and then if he ever changes his mind all he has to do is snap his fingers and there you are.

You going back at the first hint he wants you to is setting up a power play in to which he will likely treat you even worse than he has in the past since he knows you are not going to fall far from the nest... no matter how hard he kicks.

Think it over... allow yourself some time to see this relationship from a unclouded, unfiltered view. Write down everything that has hurt you and read it to yourself as if a friend wrote it about her guy... ask yourself what advice you'd give that friend... and then take that advice for yourself. Sometimes we want better for others than we expect for ourselves, do think about it.

how do you get rid of the awful feeling after a break up...

i have done nothing but cry for the last three days and havent eaten, i feel sick constantly and i cant sleep and i miss him loads. i hate being away from him. i cant do anything my mind is just on him i feel rely low.

all i wanna do is be in his arms then i know these feelings will go away, he doesnt want to work things out, as he said he fed up of the arguing but we have both had a lot of stress recently. i wanna be there for him i am totaly in love with him and dont know what to do.

help