Arguments - and am i too clingy?

**RosePetal** · 06-29-2010 01:27 PM

Hi All,

Im new to the site and thought i post. Me and my BF have been dating for less than a year now and its a long distance relationship so we cant meet too often. but we argue all the time i mean atleast once a week and it gets really bad. we both have exchanged nasty things to each other but latley i try to bite my tongue and take what he has to say.

I think im being too needy and clingy and before when he use to go out with mates he would text me but now he ignores my texts but will pick up if i ring him- when i tell why dont u he says he was busy, and then i think he dont care as much as he use to then he gets angry if i say that.

we are both the same age and we both care so much for each other - the rare times we meet we get on like a house on fire.

we speak all the time - throughout work we talk thru text and ring on breaks and after work we do tend to have a convo for about 10 mins then he wont ring me until the night - but he does text me until then and i still dont find it enough, i feel i want to speak more on the phone but i know when we do he wants to get off.

he use to ring far more but i feel he is much more secure now and i feel im insecure and need and want him more but i think he does find it too much. i feel very panicky when he goes out and i shouldnt because i do trust him but i feel hes out having fun and i rather be at home and speak to him - sad i know.

now i dont know if hes gone off me or is just relaxed in the relationship i just dont know anymore.

**sourpuss** · 06-29-2010 01:46 PM

He's probably just relaxed and not so worried about checking in with you all the time. That's a good sign in my opinion. Have you tried not calling or texting and letting him get in touch with you? You should, even if it means not speaking for a couple of days. it would be good for both of you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-29-2010 03:44 PM

Fear..

No where did you say he has a fear of you going out and having fun.. Seems he is very secure within himself in this relationship but that poses another question... what are you doing? Your more than likely pining for him and staying home all the time and needing his calls and his text messages.. Why? You don't live and breathe one person, you live and breathe everything in your life.

It's time for you to have a little independence so that you stop having him constantly on your mind, getting edgy and feeling that your going to lose him, because fighting every week about him going out, will head that way..

Occupy your mind and feel great when he texts you and speaks with you and keep the romance there of him wanting to see you and can't wait to see you, not sexually but as a whole.

CW

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-29-2010 05:19 PM

Insecurity is all too common. You sound like a classic case of insecurity, worsened by distance yet fueled by fighting. Cause if he cares enough to fight with you then he must care, right? And to some extent you feel that fighting will keep him in contact with you for longer periods of time. I know when I was insecure, I'd pick fights, just so I could feel wanted by him for an hour on the phone while we were fighting. Sad but true.

So have you asked yourself what it's going to take for you to be happy with you?

It sounds like you all are in almost constant contact. Lots are like that in the beginning, but goodness, if that never ceased we'd NEVER have lives of our own. I can tell you, from experience the constant need for contact becomes exhausting.

If you know he's out with his friends, why text him? And even more to the point, if he doesn't answer your text, why call him?

Do you go out with girlfriends? Do you have any hobbies you do that don't include him?

**RosePetal** · 06-30-2010 02:37 AM

thanks for the replies!

Well we use to always text when we were out with fam/friends - but now when he dont do it it begin to panic. He said to me the other day that he use to always text me when he was with his mates but when iw as with mine i use to take ages to reply to him - which was so not the case - so he i think is just playing me at this game.
i dont know its silly and petty - but i am very needy and am becoming more needy the more deeper i get into the relationship - i guess the fear of being hurt again by a man is making me like this. in the past i have had really bad relationships which devestated me but this guy gives me more than any other guy does - however when we argue it gets brutal and we say things we really shouldnt be said.