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Thread: can a relationship survive cheating??

  1. #1
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    Default can a relationship survive cheating??


    Has anyone every been cheated on or have you cheated on your partner?

    can a relationship realistically survive one partner cheating?

    If this has happend to you how do you forgive and forget?

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    WH Moderator - JUNE 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH- Array KMonte85's Avatar
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    it really depends on the two people in the relationship. If the cheater is truly remorseful, recognizes the pain they caused, and wants to do whatever it takes to make it better, and (VERY IMPORTANT!) if the cheated is willing or even able to forgive - truly forgive - not just say it and then throw it back in the other's face when they get mad/upset, and that person must be able to regain trust in their partner and have a sense of security (insecurity is cancerous to even the best relationships). If they can successfully do these things, there is a chance of it working.. but it isn't easy!

    I have been cheated on in the past, granted they weren't super serious relationships, but I'm not a person who can forgive easily so as soon as I found out we were over. As for my current bf, we've been together for years, and I really do not believe he would ever cheat on me (I think he would be honorable enough to leave before he cheated). However, I made it ubundantly clear that if he cheated, and I ever found out about it - he and I would be done. No discussion, no "trying to work it out" just done.

    I know myself, I know I could never feel the same way about a sig other who cheated on me, I could never be secure in the relationship again, I cound never fully trust him, I could probably never let go of the resentment either... i know it would be best for both parties if we ended it at that point instead of dragging it out and eventually the relationship collapsing under the weight of those terrible emotions anyway. That's why it is so important for both people to know themselves, know what they are capable of dealing with, and know that they will give it 110% to make it work. If one or both people can't, the relationship is doomed no matter if you end it right after the indescretion or not.
    Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
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    VIP Member Array RosePetal's Avatar
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    Hello,

    I have been cheated on in the past - i tried to forgive him but kept throwin stuff back in his face time and time again. Even tho i forgave him i could never forget or move on from that part of my life - i couldnt believe a guy cheated on me i was devestated and to me thats where i draw the line if another guy were to ever cheat on me its his loss and not mine. i have known people that ahve been cheated on to get over it and work at the relationship - but this takes a lot of effort and a lot of healing time to get over the pain

    xxx

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    WH Super Moderator Array sourpuss's Avatar
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    I don't think I could move past it. There are plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. And I'd be bummed, but I'd just cut my losses and bolt. I know myself well enough to know that I'd never get passed it and ultimately the relationship wouldn't work.
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    I haven't cheated / been cheated on, but I have had other bad things in my relationship. I think that for the relationship to survive, there are 2 requirements.

    1. The reason for the bad behavior needs to have gone away. If someone cheats there is a reason. If that reason is still there, they will probably do it again. If the reason goes away, then they won't do it again.

    2. As Kmonte85 said, the other part needs to really forgive. Not keep score to use in a later fight. When you forgive, the issue is over - never to be used as ammunition again.

    If these conditions aren't met (and they rarely are - reasons for cheating usually don't go away, and very few people can truly forgive), then better to end the relationship .

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    once a cheater always a cheater move on.

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    WH Super Moderator Array Fallen1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbie View Post
    once a cheater always a cheater move on.
    That's not necessarily true.

    There is no excuse for cheating but whether an individual is a "repeat offender" or not I think depends on why they cheated in the first place and whether or not they learned anything from the experience.
    There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.

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    No way, I could never stay with someone that cheated on me. I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about him saying the same lovely things to the other girl as to me and thinking about his body on her body etc etc, just no way i would not be able to forgive or stay.

    I don't think i could ever cheat either. To know you hurt someone that way. To see your boyfriend's face crumble if you told them the truth, that would be way too hard for me!

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    I think most people go into relationships thinking that they would never cheat. Life provides an awful lot of chances to make mistakes and sometimes people do.


    Quote Originally Posted by pixiebean22 View Post

    I don't think i could ever cheat either. To know you hurt someone that way. To see your boyfriend's face crumble if you told them the truth, that would be way too hard for me!

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    if both of you are cheating each other, you can survive! but why you have to do that.... even you cheat in each other how about break up and walk the different way.... If just you cheat, please ask yourself why??? did your partner love you? if the answer is YES you gonna hurt the one who really love you....

    Sometimes, it can survive but not long time, whenever the truth is coming out you the one who really very sad and it is too late to fix anything. But whatever you want tot do, thinking about yourself that you are happy to do that??, you really want to do???

    you will find the answer by yourself!

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