So we broke up...

**RosePetal** · 07-09-2010 03:35 AM

So me and Bf been together a while and we both have said nasty things to each other in the past - i do tend to apologise for my mistakes but he doesnt as he feels he does nothing wrong. If we argue regardless of whose fault it is i always make the contact and say sorry - just to be the bigger person as if i dont we wouldnt talk for a long time. One time i left it to see how long and he never contacted me for three days so i did.

Anyways I got upset over something which may be seen small but i thought it was really big - as soon as i told him why he did that and never thought of me - he said i should stop moaning over small things. i then text sayin he shouldnt of done that its not right - he then replied sayin ok then moaner and made another sarcastic comment. I then responded and sed something and he nevr replied back.

Anways that night i sent a long text sayin im really hurt over this thing and feel why he never thought of me and he repleid sayin F OFF im ridiculous.

He has the nerve to say F OFF to me which he has said several times to be before and now i had enough and i said ok thats what u want so i will clearly u dont care about my feelings im tellin u im upset and all u do is tell me to F OFF

im so annoyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-09-2010 04:29 AM

Rosepetal..

We all can have communication problems.

Women are more emotional than men and we do let them know when something bothers us.

But, here's the key, you do let him know you don't like it, but he sees it as moaning, which means he doesn't know how to communicate, he brushes things off, that upsets you and in your eyes, you feel if you leave it for a few days, maybe he will apologise but he doesn't and you continually give in.

Now, he's saying F OFF... that's not respect, that's not communication and that's not understanding or love.. That's a child.;..

So ask yourself, do you really want to continue apologising all you life, never winning, always caving in? Always feeling annoyed, sad and angry?

Unless you "this time" stand your grand, win or lose. Never contact him... He will never, ever, get the message, he will always KNOW you WILL, cave IN... so how are you winning?

CW

**RosePetal** · 07-09-2010 04:57 AM

it was a petty thing i wont lie - but it would of meant so much to me if he gave it this thing than the women that sits beside him work (who is old enough to be our mum) but still he never thought of me...when we spoke on the phone he said she really wanted this thing he won and that i have my own things - i sed thats not the point you should of asked me first not given it to another women ...he said stop moaning over small things and he will get me my own if i wanted it - i kept sayin thats not the point...but anyways i then text sayin why did you do that not to do it again next time and then he sed ok then moaner and made another sarcastic comment.

i replied with a bit of a harsh comment and later on the day this thing kept upsetting me so much so i text sayin im so hurt why did u do that etc ect and he said F OFF and im ridiculous. i sed ok i will go now as u dont care abt my feelings and that was it he never replied

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-09-2010 05:32 AM

This depends... it depends on if you ALWAYS have something you are upset about or not. If you are complaining often, it could be he's just frustrated , though cursing at you like that.. I will agree is lack of respect (even if he had reason to feel annoyed).

The pattern of him not contacting you after a fight indicates to me that he doesn't really take your getting upset seriously and assumes you are going to calm down and say sorry later and things will be fine (which you have said you do consistantly).

I'm not saying this is your fault by ANY means... I'm saying his responses are likely due to your reactions. He doesn't really worry when you get upset since every time you get upset you end up appolgoising for it. If this happens frequently, it lends himself to him not taking you getting upset very seriously.

I'm guilty of the same thing in my relationship... though I am lucky in the fact that my boyfriend still doesn't take me for granted even if I get hurt feelings about things quickly, then later realize I was overreacting. He still tries to comfort me.

You sound like a sensitive girl, there is nothing wrong with that... I'm one too

But thing is being sensitive requires having a boyfriend that is compassionate and considerate. And it sounds like you are ill-matched with this guy because he doesn't sound like he is much of either.

If you plan on staying with him, I think you will have to either thicken your skin and try to not let yourself get upset about something unless its something that truly offends you. And if it does... and you complain -- stick to your guns on it and expect an appology. If you know its petty, let it go... since you know you will calm down later anyway.

But I'd strongly suggest finding a guy that is a little more kindle and gentle and can respect the fact he has a delicate girlfriend. Some guys do a lot better with a cold, unfeeling, harsh and non responsive girlfriend. Your guy sounds like one of them.

I think in a perfect world we'd all be people that fall somewhere in the middle.. not totally emotionless but not overly emotional either. But its not a perfect world, and we are but human... and you can't help it if you are the type of person that wears her heart on her sleeve and gets it bruised more easily than others anymore than he can help the fact that can be so unfeeling and uncaring where others would be both.

It just comes down to basic respect to make a relationship work. I'm emotional, my boyfriend is logical... but he respects my feelings and I respect his rationality. So its not that you have to be with another person as sensitive is you... but one that can at least be considerate of you just being you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-09-2010 05:32 AM

But rosepetal,

So from what I am gathering, you are saying he flirted with another woman?

He gave something to her, but you felt he should have asked you first.

What was it?

CW

**RosePetal** · 07-09-2010 06:11 AM

no he didnt flirt with another women - he gave her something which he should of given me or asked me atleast if i wanted it.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 07-09-2010 07:00 AM

My take on this is that first off you're not with a guy who is right for you.

You seem a bit needy (please don't take this in the wrong way, I'm just trying to help.

). I say this because you have been willing to go back and apologize even when you know you weren't wrong, just to have him in your daily life. In doing this, he has no doubt lost respect for you, doesn't take you seriously. Why? He knows that no matter what is said, he doesn't have to do anything but sit back and you're going to eventually come around and "apologize" so you can keep him in your life. So have you asked yourself why you want this person in your life? Not why you want a boyfriend, but why you want HIM in your life?

F OFF goes back to the lack of respect. I heard someone once say "you teach people how to treat you". Some people in your life (the right people) will love you for who you are. Others, will see your weaknesses and will stomp all over you if you let them. You've let him, you've fussed about it, you've fought about it, but you always....always go back for more and he knows it. Now to him you're a whiner and a pushover and he has no respect for you.

If you were in a happy relationship, these little things wouldn't bother you. If he wasn't flirting with this woman, or if you're not suspicious that he's interested in her, then I'm not sure what the problem is with him giving her whatever he gave her. Just because one has a girlfriend or boyfriend, doesn't mean they must offer their everything to that person before anyone else. You do not have ownership or property rights over your boyfriend or his belongings. And if you felt respected and loved, this wouldn't have bothered you at all.

It all comes down to respect, you have none for each other. Your personalities don't compliment each other. And I sincerely think it's time to let this go and realize that you can be just fine on your own.

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-09-2010 12:23 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

My I heard someone once say "you teach people how to treat you".

How very very true!

**RosePetal** · 07-09-2010 12:57 PM

Yeah i guess deep down he knows i will go an apologise as i am not a stubborn person, but i dont feel this is fair at all. Maybe he feels i moan at small things - but i will tell him if something hurts me and this thing really hurt me and i told him this is the most hurt i have ever been - and he told me to F OFF

i wont respond to him he must know for himself that he will lose me if he speaks to me in a rude manner if he hasnt done so already

**RosePetal** · 07-09-2010 12:58 PM

Thing is small things make him so angry, even his ex Girlfriend use to complain to his dad that he has anger management issues and he said if you both carry on arguin over small things your relationship wont work out.