Extremely confused -- why is she so mad at me?

**little_libra** · 07-15-2010 08:27 PM

Hi guys.

I'm a 20-year-old girl. 2 years ago when I went off to college, me and this other girl kinda...fell for each other. But timing and was off and there were serious feelings there but we never actually went out, and the whole "thing" ended kinda, uh, badly at the end of that school year and we don't live anywhere near each other so I haven't seen her since (different states). I had an untreated anxiety disorder at the time and I wasn't always the nicest with people b/c I did not trust...but she meant a whole lot to me and I did what I could with what I knew at the time b/c I knew she was special. I was a good person but so scared of getting hurt... Oh, man I had troubles back then that make me cringe now... =/

Months later, I heard she got engaged (to a girl), and it took me some time to get over that news. I kept trying to forget her, but then I'd get stared down by one of her friends or something while I was minding my own business. Recently, I added her on FB because I thought maybe it wouldn't be a big deal to add her b/c it was a long time ago and she probably didn't care as much as me anyway.

Not only did she not add me, she kept checking my page and commenting on her statuses about the stuff that I write on mine, and has commented about my pictures too. All the while, every status is about how happy she is and how great her life is.

I sent her a note just apologizing about the whole situation from before, because I cared about her as a person and made it clear that I just wanted to be friends - just in case she thought I was trying to wreck her relationship or something (I'm not even the type of girl who does disrespectful stuff like that anyway), but she ignored it. All I did was send her a friend request, jeez, she acts like I threw eggs at her house or something. =/

It just sucks that this was the first person I really fell for in my life, and the only person to ever be so MEAN. I know not everyone's gonna like me, and I don't expect that. I'm not gonna contact her ever again, trust me, no thanks. I just wish I could understand why she's acting like this 'cuz it hurts.

Does anyone have any idea? Thanks guys.

**Mes T** · 07-15-2010 08:32 PM

I'd chalk it up to immaturity, to not knowing how to deal with ex's. Maybe she still has some issues regarding that time, and this is how she has chosen to deal with it.

Whatever the reason is, you're absolutely right to move on and NOT contact her. Some people can be friends with their ex's, that's true, but certainly NOT in this case, not when she's acting so mean and you're still upset about losing your first love.

Remember, "first" doesn't equal "best," not by a long shot.

Learn from your past mistakes and move on with chin held high.

**stressed** · 07-15-2010 09:51 PM

Actually, I get the idea that you may 'still' have some feelings for her, maybe somewhere way back in your heart, but the way you posted makes me think that you do and that's why you wanted to add her. She meant a lot to you in the past (2 years is not THAT long ago) and perhaps you were hoping, even just a tiny bit, that you'd have the chance to experience some of those great feelings she made you feel back then. Not necessarily serious, but just something. It's also that you seem to be so disappointed and disheartened about it; if you didn't care then you wouldn't be hurt by her rejection and expression of happiness.

Now, as to why she didn't add you, she has probably talked to her fiance about you so it's very possible that either the other girl wouldn't be exactly comfortable with having you back in her life, or this girl just doesn't want to be involved with the past anymore. You had something, it ended like it did, but she moved on and is happy with what she has. Maybe she made those comments to prove to her girlfriend that you mean nothing to her. Maybe they had an argument about you. Who knows?

Whatever the reason, it's almost always better to let the past in the past. Contacting old flames and ex'es never really has a good end. Even more so when one of the two is in a relationship. I wouldn't call it immaturity, people deal with ex'es in different ways. I personally consider it even more mature not to keep any kind of contact with an ex, but that's just my opinion

The point is, the sooner you forget about this girl the easier it will be for you to move on. Ignore her, don't check her FB and focus on your own goals. You're going to find an even more special person in your life. It doesn't matter who you fell for first, but who you fell for last. Best of luck.

**little_libra** · 07-15-2010 10:06 PM

Grr of course I still had feelings...I felt so bad about what happened and I never got to apologize and I went and got help for my issues and everything b/c it was literally making me sick thinking about the way I acted over & over again... I just hate for her to think of me as something I'm not. I just didn't want someone I really cared for to think I was just a . Well, looks like it happened anyway huh?! i just wanted her in my life somehow even if it was as just a friend.

i'll probably always love that little snotball! i LOVE her, even if i'm not in love with her, i just love her and want the best for her and all that...and I guess this is what she wants...so...bye girl.

... but, yeah, I'm done. I'm glad I got my apology out the way, at least I feel better about that whether she ignored it or not. Now, my conscience is clear and I'm at least open to meeting new people, whereas before (like a year ago), my mindset was, "No way Jose, you're the one, no doubt. don't care what anyone says. yeah okay, i'll meet new people... yeah right."

ugh.

i'm really glad someone helped me out here. like, i really needed help and i appreciate this so much.

**little_libra** · 07-20-2010 06:04 AM

And another problem is that I feel like I'm faking it with everyone else. Pretending to be okay, and sometimes I really am okay. But I know the stomachaches and the indigestion are from the stress I keep trying to hide. I've just felt "fake" ever since this happened. I want to feel real again. Right now I'm just kinda sailing in the wind...or floating above the surface. It's really hard. I have moments of insecurity like everyone else, but I still love myself, it's just...my whole life I've really wanted this emotional connection/chemistry with someone because...my childhood/teenage years really sucked at times (I know I'm not the only one). I have friends and stuff and I like them...but it's like, I still feel fake and confused. I just wanna finally have my feet on solid ground. And I'm just tired of having to build myself up everyday...tired of telling myself phrases that make sense in my mind but not in my heart. I need more than just me.

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