Overcome with jealousy, insecurity since boyfriend started working at a strip club

**PandaPaws** · 07-19-2010 06:37 PM

I couldn't do it. Like others have said, the temptation is too high. If he's a nice guy, the girls will be all over that because they probably all have low self esteem, and anyone who is nice to them is the man of their dreams. I'm sorry, but go work at Target, or the grocery store. I just think out of respect to YOU, he should not have even thought about working there. And for him to not see that is just sad. Plus, the fact that he supports that industry enough to contribute to it, yuck. I'm sorry, but clearly I do NOT agree with your bf's choice of employment...

2 degrees? I'm sure a head hunter/recruiter would be able to place him somewhere other than a strip club.

**Elizabeth6** · 08-05-2010 02:24 AM

I've dating a guy who runs a strip club for 3 years. It's been very hard and seems to get harder as time goes on. I love my boyfriend so much and he's talking about marriage and kids too.

I've been in the place your mind wonders to, it's a pretty lonely place to be. Trust your gut and look for warning signs. Research the body language of a liar. Talk to him, ask about things. Don't accuse. If he gets all bent out of shape, there might be something he's trying to hide. Always trust your gut. He is with naked sexually open minded women all night that would love a chance to please the boss, but he's still working a very stressful job. The grass isn't greener on the other side though, a doctor will screw his nurse too!

He will be exposed to drugs, sexual advances, and possible danger. Many club managers have been robbed and killed bc everyone knows they have a lot of cash they usually cant put in the bank bc if the IRS. Buy a shot gun for your home, bc you will need to protect yourself from possible intruders that have followed him home to plan a robbery. I just want you to know not only do you have to worry about the occasional thought of " is he cheating" you have to talk to him about safety! He need to drive home on high alert every night, take different route home, watch all cars following him. He needs to carry a handgun. They will rob him and shot to kill.

If you stay with him you will have to get used to being alone at night. If your considering kids, please be prepared to do it on your own, and how crazy you will feel stuck in the house with a baby while he's working at the club.

Please consider every angle, and plan accordingly. Not just you, every women that gets supported by a man needs a cash emergency fund in case the relationship gets bad. He might work there for a while and begin to hate the discusting druggie prostitutes, or he might get addicted to the cash and never quit. He can make a 100.000+ easy if he sticks to it.

People might read this and judge what I'm telling you in many different ways but this was only written with truth on how it really is. Be open minded with as much trust as he gives you. Men think it's a dream job but it's a hustle. Often times the managers acting as a pimp to make bigger tip outs from the girls and customers. He needs to know they will at one point be raided by the police. Don't let him lie to you most of the girls will have sex and do oral all night. If he drinks alcohol, be even more aware of the possibility he might be more flirty and make poor choices he will regret. Also if he drinks at work and gets of around 4am the police will watching him extra close when he's the only one on the street that late. Imagine life if he gets a DUI or if he uses drugs and they search his car. His whole life is down the drain.

Talk to him find out wear his heads at. Cocaine is a big problem at clubs and he will use it if likes to party and people are offering it for free. Keep all these things in mind because they revolve around every club and I don't mean to scare you I just want to educate you on things people might not consider.

I wish you the very best, follow your heart, your gut and have a emergency fund if you need a way out. I'm not joking about the gun, buy one "practice" and protect yourself. Keep it loaded at home and near you at night. Get a surveillance camera or ADT.

With all said and done, just remember to keep open the lines of communication and take it one day at a time.

I'm uncertain what will happen with my relationship. I'm at a crossroads in my life, that is why I'm here at 3am on this site. As much as I used to say I will be happy and make the most of every day, now that I'm turning 31, I'm changing and the 3rd shift schedule is wearing me down. It's hard to be social when your friends are all sleeping! Try not to lose your self in his shadow, stay active and work too!

Go find a job at night so you get to interact. If you stay home all night waiting for him to get home and you haven't talked to anyone all night, he will come home and be so drained from talking to idiot drunk customers and dumb strippers that he won't have much to say and you might start to feel a little bottled up inside. Sending my best to you, please excuse the spelling and grammar, my fingers are a out numb as I write all of this on my little iPhone

**jns** · 08-05-2010 06:26 PM

Elizabeth6, wow, you have described the situation very clearly and in great detail. Best of luck to you.

OP, even with college degrees, getting a good paying job can be hard. The best way is to get a marginally paying job in the intended field and get experience then use that experience a few years later to get an intermediately paying job and continue that until the good paying one comes along.

**Haven** · 08-06-2010 11:39 AM

He sees this as a good opportunity because it'll be an exciting, challenging job that'll let him earn enough money to support a family. Your concerns are legitimate, though, and the way he's naively brushed them off spells trouble later.

I would sit him down and ask him if you could shop his resume around for him. If you can find him another challenging job that lets him earn decent money using his degrees, he can get out of the strip club job without losing any face. Relying on him to find a better job is risky. He'll be too busy learning the ropes of his new job to give the search 100%. It's also possible that now that he has a job, he won't be that motivated to go back to the ads he's been combing through for the past few weeks.

This is something you might have to do for him. The longer he spends at that job, the more he'll be invested in it.