Overcome with jealousy, insecurity since boyfriend started working at a strip club

**Cinphx** · 07-16-2010 10:28 AM

My boyfriend of 6 years has struggled with dead end jobs & different careers since we met (despite 2 college degrees). He was making great money as a valet parking attendant for quite awhile, but was fired suddenly fired. After combing want ads for 2 weeks, He was offered a job through mutual friends as a "floor host" at a very popular, upscale gentlemen's club. They are offering to to train him for a management position! To say I find it difficult to be happy for him is an understatement! I sit around all day torturing myself with thoughts of him surrounded by naked beautiful women day in and day out. I have always been self confident and able to fight off jealous feelings, but this time the green eyed monster will most likely destroy our romance. Out of shear panic at the thought of losing him to some stripper, I threw out the ultimatum to find another job or we're through. Much easier said then done because I'm madly in love. A few weeks before he was offered every mans dream job, we started to discuss marriage & he even wants me to have his child. I Feel so hopeless & desperate! My boyfriend has agreed to quit but will continue working there until he finds something better. LOL! I'm more likely to win the lottery and I don't even buy tickets!How long do I give his job search? It's been 10 days & he says he's sent resume's but jobs are scarce. He seems to be amused and flattered by my reaction. He hopes that over time I'll learn to live with it. I have never been more sure that I will end up driving him right into the arms of one of his naked coworkers! Do I throw in the towel & spare my dignity or stick it out & become the classic bitter, suspicious ex?

**smchot** · 07-16-2010 11:55 AM

I think you should be supportive of him. In fact, I think you should make it a point to visit this club and get to know the ladies he might be around, become their friends even. If you show him that you are comfortable and trust him, you will have his heart forever. I am sure is is definitly flattered by your reaction as what guy wouldn't be. Also, remember that management in a gentelmans clubs is different than a bar back or other position in a strip club. The manager is there to make sure the day to day functions run smooth, including the financials. Have you asked him what his duties are? I would also take into consideration that this is an upscale gentlemans club, which means the ladies working there are looking for men with loads of money. Lastly, in situations like that, there are usually really strict policies regarding messing around. I really don't think you have anything to worry about, but out of curiosity, what are his degrees in?

**jns** · 07-16-2010 07:33 PM

I don't fault you for being anxious. The temptations could be enormous for him unless he is totally in love with you. He will also start seeing the side of sex as a business that may jade his opinion of women and sex. It would be best if he found another job as soon as possible.

**Olympia** · 07-16-2010 09:36 PM

I agree with jns.
In my opinion,..It would be a temptation every working moment. And as you stated you are already seeing the little green monster.

**stacylyn** · 07-17-2010 09:46 AM

i understand how hard it is to find a job. and also how you need your spouse( significant other) support when it comes to doing anything. i feel for your little green monster. i would feel the same way. however you need the money. as long as he is good to you and treats you with all the love and affection he always has maybe you should give him a chance. if he is honestly trying to look for something else and it sounds like he respects you and knows how you feel. also i agree with up above make yourself aquainted with his enviroment, then they know your arround and exist.

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-17-2010 12:17 PM

I don't know. I would have a problem because he really could be working anywhere else. It would be different if he had a degree in strip club hosting and it was the only place he could get hired... but he doesn't. And the truth of the matter is he could take what he's doing there and do it anywhere else.

If anything it sounds like he's taking time out that he could be spending on a job that would serve career advancement just to have this novel opportunity that won't really be all that great of an addition to any resume sent to a more serious employer.

I have a few close friends in the industry and for the one that thinks this woman should in and make nice and make it clear he's taken... that probably would have the opposite effect. Many of these girls, at a higher rate than any other job... are emotionally damaged or have some form of addiction. The ones that are there strictly for the money to feed their kids or support a high end shopping taste aren't going to make friends and hang out or care about your boyfriend -- they are there to work get in get out.

But those others , well if your boyfriend has a hero personality and can get sucked into a good old fashioned sob story, you run the risk of him befriending some of the ones you'd least care to get to know.

Also , by staking your claim to him... all you are doing is inviting the egocentric competitive ones to flirt even more heavily to make a point. These women are professionals at teasing and tricking men at lying and at using their body to get exactly what they want.

Of course your man could get a hosting job at wafflehouse and still cheat with a waitress if thats in his nature, and he can be totally faithful as a brothel manager as well if he is the dedicated kind of man.

But will being surrounded by half naked/fully nude women grinding away all day change his outlook of women to include how he see's you? Who's to say.

I think most girlfriends would have a problem with their boyfriend spending even just an hour a week in a strip joint, an hour a month... heck even one hour for a bachelor party out of the year could be a deal breaker in a lot of women's eyes so do not feel like you are being a crazy insecure freak for having a problem with him spending upwards of 8 hours a day in one.

This is a dream job for a single lonely guy... but for a committed guy you'd think he'd know women well enough to know it isn't worth the headache to work at a place like that. Especially when he's capable of finding a better job. It makes it all the more insulting that he's lowering what he could be doing to work in that environment.

Like if someones boyfriend had a college degree in a field booming with jobs and took a job as a waterboy for his favorite major league team -- you'd think eh, he's kind of lowering himself but would also realize that its just something he's doing to be close to his heroes etc-- I don't know if I could be as supportive for my guy taking a job less than he deserves to be surrounded by naked ladies.

**rcoreyus** · 07-18-2010 11:04 PM

Jobs are really hard to find these days - he may not have been able to find something else.

**stressed** · 07-18-2010 11:24 PM

A floor host at a strip club when he has two degrees... The management position is only a prospect and it would take him a lot of time before he would become one. I don't know what kind of degrees he has, but an educated person deserves more than a strip club and I deny to believe that he cannot find anything better. I also don't think it will be easy for him to quit once he starts and the more they offer him the more he will want to stay and the more popular he will become in the club.
You do what you feel is right for you. If you suffer with this every day then you clearly don't have to stay.

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-19-2010 06:17 AM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Jobs are really hard to find these days - he may not have been able to find something else.

You are the most glass full person I know Rcorey and bless your heart for it. You always find a way to see things in the best possible light. Times are hard... I do know they are. But to imagine the only job someone could get is hosting ina strip club is pushing it :P

Thats like if a woman came here and didn't want to work as a stripper but felt she had to since it was hard to find a job, I'm sure many would comfort her and let her know there is so much else she can try to do... and I belive the same for her bf.

**pretzel** · 07-19-2010 07:54 AM

I guess you can look at this a couple of ways,

One way to look at it is that you're boyfriend isn't sitting around sending resumes out hoping for the right job. I don't know what his degrees are in, but the job market is tough. That is an unfortunate reality. So you can look at as he's earning money while continuing his job search.

However, yeah his choice of jobs isn't within the realm of what most people would find comforting. However, despite what product is being produced, a strip club is at it's core a business and stays in business because it makes money. I think HD does have a point in that for many of the ladies who perform, a great number would attest that they'd rather be doing something else, but the money's good.

I will agree that this should be discussed as to where he thinks this job will take him over the next 6-9 months. You and he really do need to be realistic about this. If he doesn't truely believe that he is headed down the path where he will be in a management position then I would be a little upset. He want this job because it's a "strip club" and all the associated emotions you'll go through. However if he sees this as a business and only as a business then maybe it'll be a different type of conversation. I don't think anything will be resolved by an ultimatum right now.