Emailing a Married Man

**yme** · 07-16-2010 03:55 PM

I have recently gotten reacquainted with an old classmate. We were very close growing up. We were never "together" but always were around each other. We were each others support system growing up. Here is the issue: He is married, I am divorced and we have been emailing each other everyday for the last several months. Emails are not sexual in any way. We just talk about what going on, bad days, good days, kid drama, etc....
We even met up for drinks one evening that he was in town. I met his wife and children. He has a very nice family. But he told me before hand that she did not know that we were emailing to each other and that he did not want her to get the wrong idea.
We have talked about if the tables were reversed and it was his wife emailing an old male friend and he agreed he would not like it. I have offered to stop writing but he insist that it is not a problem and that our friendship has nothing to do with his marriage....
He does not live in the area and there is no chance to see him or even talk to him. How inappropriate is this friendship? Should I be concerned? Andy ideas and comments highly welcome.

**SaharaJim** · 07-16-2010 04:02 PM

If this was all right with his wife and no problem...why hide it? And if he's hiding it and she discovers it...which she almost certainly will at some point...won't she think there is something "wrong' or why hide it? He needs to be up front with his wife or knock this off. And if he doesn't YOU SHOULD. My opinion.

**LanaBear** · 07-16-2010 04:15 PM

Originally Posted by SaharaJim

If this was all right with his wife and no problem...why hide it? And if he's hiding it and she discovers it...which she almost certainly will at some point...won't she think there is something "wrong' or why hide it? He needs to be up front with his wife or knock this off. And if he doesn't YOU SHOULD. My opinion.

I agree 100%. He wouldn't like it if the tables were turned, but doesn't sound too eager to let her know the two of you are communicating. IMO, he may say that your friendship doesn't have anything to do with his marriage, but really, it does, it's a matter of respect, she's his wife. If she is fine with it, then great, no harm no foul, but she should be given the courtesy of being told. If she's not fine with it, then you both should respect her concern...

**Kallygirlie** · 07-16-2010 06:22 PM

I agree with the others. I've recently gotten back in touch with an ex and he told his wife knowing she would hate it. And she does but at least he's not hiding it. You may have pure intentions but are you sure he does. Why else would he hide it?

**Olympia** · 07-16-2010 10:02 PM

In agreement with all of the above...
One item really jumps out, (to me) is you state this is a daily communication. This is not an occational communica'.. that
and the disclosure that he would not like it, if tables were turned...

**stacylyn** · 07-17-2010 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by SaharaJim

If this was all right with his wife and no problem...why hide it? And if he's hiding it and she discovers it...which she almost certainly will at some point...won't she think there is something "wrong' or why hide it? He needs to be up front with his wife or knock this off. And if he doesn't YOU SHOULD. My opinion.

i have to agree with saharajim im feeling some reprocussions of this kind of situation.. it wont be good for anyone.

**Wide Blue Sky** · 07-17-2010 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by yme

But he told me before hand that she did not know that we were emailing to each other and that he did not want her to get the wrong idea.

I agree with the others above. The longer it continues the more difficult it will get. When he didn't he tell his wife in the first place, he paved the way for how she would see it if she ever found out. By telling you that she doesn't know, he is creating an intimacy with you as well as putting you in a difficult position.