mistress in love... help

**sweeterbeat** · 07-20-2010 12:49 PM

Hi. Im a 24 y/o mistress, I'm just another girl who fell inlove with a committed guy. I got pregnant and gave birth to his baby. I love my man so much and it would be hard for me to live without him, even it hurt so bad everytime he's with her. He's been my morphine and fluoxetine for almost a year now., he's my pain killer and my anti-depressant co'z he's making everything ok when everythings not. I know he loves me.

Being a Mistress is not being a home wrecker nor a or what ever you call it. We're just human who fell for the right man at the wrong time. Being in this shoes is not as glamorous as it may seem... let me share to you what the life of a mistress really is.

.... i met him last year, he was my then officemate. ive got this huge crush on him..never minding if he's married or not. i careless. i searched for his ym id and then started communicating with him. My 1st two months in the office was all about him... him him him. i have given myself in 2 weeks... i slept with him two weeks after the good communications. he's giving me everything, literaly everything, cellphone, laptop..clothes.. money. all that...and then it goes on and on and on... being a mistress is not always being the badgirl, people got angry, disgusted and irate because they know nothing about being it. they're not aware of the pain. (being a mistress is more painful than being the cheated wife) we are the one who's being neglected, left and still need to understand the situation "with heart on sleeve"...(better listen to the song STAY by sugarland) you'll understand. People might say that we'll rot in ... i dont believe in that. because being a mistress is already going through so much during the entire relationship. it's being paid in advanced.

...on my 24th bday, i found out that i was pregnant. i felt so happy thingking that i'll be getting so much of his attention and time... i gave birth and still waiting for his decsions. so much promises... i have faith in him.. i believe his words... i trust him more than myself... but today is diffrent

...i remember him, asking me if im ready to live with him coz he told me that he's about to leave her.. i told him yeah! despite of the conflicting things running in my mind., i told him yes, because i dont wanna hurt his feelings.. i wanna prove him that i am more than willing to do everything for him. But then i remember him texting me, SORRY..that he's not yet ready to leave her arms, coz they have a child, a 4 year old daughter, hey. we have a baby too, what about us? but i never had the chance to voice it out... what do you expect me to feel? it aint easy right? do i have a choice? ofcourse.. i have choices, 1. cry over and over 2. surrender (love is a battle field. yea) 3. accept the fact...

...untill now.. he kept on promising me that we will be together someday in 2 to 3 years time.... he's still with her. and it really hurts everytime im thingking about them.. sleeping together, doing everything together. it feels like dying inside.. i wanted to cry so bad...and never stop just to ease the pain. just to feel numb and to fall asleep for hours... after waking up.. same feelings, same thoughts, its routinize.

help?

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-20-2010 01:02 PM

The life of the mistress is not an enviable position, its a very lonely one. You get but just this tiny peice of a man to which the rest is given, and belongs to... someone else.

A man that has an ongoing affair 9 times out of 10 has no intention to leave his wife, or the would have ended the marriage and moved on rather than start an affair.

No, for whatever reason they've decided they want the thrill of something new, but do not want to lose what they have. They will tell the mistress anything they want to hear: My wife doesn't understand me, there is no passion, we are like roomates, i don't love her, I'm just there for the kids, I will leave her soon... etc etc etc.

They are also spending every night in bed with that wife, sharing their dreams, their hopes for the future, their goals, planning vacations, envisioning grandkids, cuddled up in the warmth of the love of the familiar, the standing , will always be there love.

The men that have affairs are already proven liars before they ever go on to say a thing, they show their mistress .. upon first encounter -- their ability to blatantly disregaurd promises. To live a double life, to lie, and to do what is in their own best interest at all times with no consideration for other's feelings.

I don't fault you for falling in love with this man and for still carrying this torch all the while being in the background. You can, and some do... spend their entire youth, in the background, in the basement, in the alley, hiding behind big hats... waiting for their chance in the sun with the one they love... to be seen with them, to be acknowledged as 'their's publically and not some dirty secret.

For many, most, that time never comes. And you have two choices in front for you from what you explained. You can go on with things the way they are. Holding on to hope and promises, stealing those moments together when you can, and spending the rest of the time alone.

Or. You can decide to let it go, to leave yourself room in your life for someone that can experience it with you, fully, no secrets, just love. Life is short, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be happy... and you sound like a smart enough woman to know that no one single man holds the key to it. Its within you, but having someone available to share it with is an awesome thing.

I think you'd be wise to hurt , to feel the pain of letting him go, despite the temporary discomfort... in order to open yourself to something, to a much more life fullfilling love than what you have now.

**jns** · 07-20-2010 07:49 PM

Could your situation work if both you and his wife knew of each other and were willing to share? Then he could spend more time with you and you would not be as jealous of the time he spends with her. It would also allow your child time to get to know him. It could upset the apple cart and cause one or both relationships to break up. Do you feel kindly to his wife?

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-20-2010 10:08 PM

Originally Posted by jns

Could your situation work if both you and his wife knew of each other and were willing to share? Then he could spend more time with you and you would not be as jealous of the time he spends with her. It would also allow your child time to get to know him. It could upset the apple cart and cause one or both relationships to break up. Do you feel kindly to his wife?

hmm... I don't see his wife signing up to be a sister wife happening any time soon or else the husband wouldn't have been having an affair... he would have simply asked her to join them as a threesome.