How could I become the other woman?

**mistake** · 07-21-2010 02:31 AM

I'm married, love my husband very much - he is a great man who has taken care of me for over 18 years. I would have never thought of ever being interested in another man... my job takes me away from home for extended periods of time and I have never once thought about cheating on him. Until I met this man.... he says my name and I get butterflies... The way he touches me, talks with me... and well... Going into this I knew our relashtionship could only last for a short while... he is also married and well from another country. I tried to just think of it as a sexual thing... we both have fun and move on, but now we've grown so attached to each other. No one knows... we just tell everyone we are good friends. I know my time is almost up with him and I just don't know how to end it. I've not felt this way in so long and it feels so good, yet its so wrong... has anyone else been in a situation like this?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-21-2010 03:01 AM

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I'm married, love my husband very much -
[/QUOTE]

I've not felt this way in so long and it feels so good

Welcome to the Forum mistake.

You know, that love is a very strong word..

Relationships are not un-like building your financial wealth, growth of yourself, or getting somewhere in life career wise..

Everything in life takes alot of work. Everything in life, will have hurdles to jump..

Relationships these days turn into friendship if there is no hard work...

The lust is gone, the communication, therefore, the fun, adventure.

What you have with this man is not love, it is all the things missing in your current marriage.

If you love your husband, work it.. both of you.. to re-gain all that is missing, as you've already lost the honestly, you don't want to lose the trust and what you have is what you are craving is it not from your husband.

If, he loves you as much as you state you love him, he is probably also frustrated, has no lust from you, has no proper communication you both have just been living.

CW

**mistake** · 07-21-2010 03:55 AM

Appreciate your honesty... since this relashionship is a secret, this is the first time I've ever discussed it.. feels good to get it off my chest....I truly do love my huband, but can't figure out if I feel this away about this other man because I've been away from my husband for almost a year, or if I found something I was lacking in my marriage.. bottom line is it will have to end when I leave in a few months. We will both go back to our lives with our husband/wife and get on with our lives... The situation we are in will really never allow us to see each other again... maybe many years down the road if that... Is it wrong for me to embrace the moment? I'm so drawn to him? I've never done this before....it scares me that I have become emotional attached... and I wasn't going for that!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-21-2010 04:04 AM

If you've been away from your husband for 1 year, that's along time... No bonding, no closeness...

Both of you must be at ends wits, why do that to your lives? Is it money? What does he do and how do you communicate over a 12 month period?

You will figure out what it is, lacking or time... now that you are hear, expressing and the member's responses

Yes, you both will go back. But understand, he is obviously missing himself, in his relationship.. A wake up call for both of you? What can you both change to make it work?

Your fearing, not wanting, not looking forward to the closure... It's been good, it's been enpowering, what you needed, what you longed for, what you needed, both of you..

Is life not lessons?

Why are you drawn to him... again, ask what your missing with your husband.

No one has done it before, it happens due to things missing and the excitement of wanting to be that vixen that you were once.

So, you have a choice, that being to quit your work, regain, your intimacy, lust... keep your work, be further apart, realise that you love but your not really "in-love" and keep your work and find what your after which will not be commitment for now, and ALL women get emotionally attached.. They do.. Because we want, we need and if we don't get it, we seek.

CW

**kygirl** · 07-23-2010 06:49 AM

I am going to have to agree with CW. I have never been married, but I have seen people who have been married. There are highs and lows. Sometimes things are happy and fun and sometimes things are hard. I heard someone say once that if you are happy 75% of the time, that's a good marriage. I think that's true really. I mean, you are two different people. You aren't going to understand the other person every moment but you try and you commit to the fact that it is all that matters. The fact that it took 18 years to cheat doesn't make it any better. You're going to have to really try to focus on your spouse. He made you happy once. Of course something new is going to seem exciting. It's like buying a new dress. You may have one that you love at home but something about the excitement of a new purchase... It's different.

You really should consider ending it now..not waiting. What if your spouse finds out now? How would he feel? How would you feel? I'm not going to tell you I've always been a saint either in my life, so please don't take it that way but I have seen the hurt that people go through when they find out they have been lied to. You cannot give yourself to recreating the passion in your marriage when so much of yourself is focused on this other man. Put that energy towards your husband. Find new things to experience with him. Plan a trip. Have romantic dinners.. sneak away together...

Best of luck

**confusedbyheart** · 08-03-2010 10:42 AM

You are lacking something from your marriage... Make a hot date night with your husband put something sexy on. You will live with regret and guilt. It's not fair to him and you won't be able to say I never cheated on my husband.

What about the other wife and family? Nothing good will come of this.

Good luck

**echoskybound** · 08-04-2010 08:53 PM

I've never been away from a significant other for a year... I can't really imagine how difficult that is and how lonely it gets. We all like to think that we'd love someone just as much regardless of distance, but the truth is that distance takes its toll.

Does your husband try his best to stay in touch? Does he always let you know he loves you even if it's just over the phone? Imagine how your feelings will reignite when you see your husband again. If you love him, start thinking about how it will feel to see him again, what you'll do to make it exciting. Maybe if you think about being with him again and think of all the time you've shared with him, the new feelings for this other guy will eventually fade.

Best of luck to you, I hope you can find passion and fun in your marriage again.