I want to love again but there is a barrier

**Anon_1990** · 07-31-2010 06:56 AM

Hello All,

You may remeber that I ahd girl problems a while back, and that is now sorted, I have a new girlfreind who I am very happy to be with. Except theres one huge problem, I really want to love her but I just cant, my mind is pushing at it but there is some sort of force field preventing me from this, which can send me into several mind frames, making my feelings hot and cold, sending them skidding to Really liking her to just liking her, to wanting to love her.

I don't know if its my body preventing me from further heart ache, but its really horrible, I just want to fall in love with her but somethings in the way, and its so annoying the way it sends my feelings all over the shop. Is this normal? Do I just wait it out? She knows I don't love her yet, and its gonna take time, but its so annoying, why can't I just fall in love and be happy.

Is this natural barrier common? Should it send my mind wild like this?

**WildChild** · 07-31-2010 08:32 AM

I don't know that you can make yourself fall in love. You can love and be loving but "falling in love", to me, is not a conscious event.
You may certainly be resistant to opening up to being hurt, that you can consciously choose to do. Give it time. Relax. Have fun with her, talk about the state of the world, philosophy and your favorite flavor of ice cream. Do some serious things and some silly things together. Just give it time, variety and let go of expectations of how you "should" feel and just let it happen or not as the case may be.

Dating should be about really getting to know each other so you can see what will develop. If you are looking for a life partner or a partner for a good part of your life, you need time to choose wisely and not force it.

**jns** · 07-31-2010 08:50 AM

It's good to see you posting again.

Most likely some of your emotions are still hung on your previous relationship as well as there probably some hesitancy to open yourself up to possible heartache and pain from the new relationship. Your previous relationship was your first and as such was special and particularly intense. There is a tendency to idealize such a relationship and to try to keep it on a pedestal, even unconsciously.

As you develop your new relationship, you will gradually cede feelings from your past relationship to it, if it is growing in intensity and strength. And it should grow if it is a good relationship. You will have times you are introspective, which is good. You will examine your feelings and compare them to what you had before. The difference is, now you have something to compare the current situation with, where as previously you did not. As you go on, if the new relationship seems as if it can be the one, you will exceed where you went in the last relationship.

Retain the good memories of the previous relationship, and put the sadness from the break up in a box and put it away. Don't spend too much time going back: you have a new gf and your thoughts should be mainly of her.

Good luck. Take your time in the new relationship. It is not a contest to see how fast you can do things.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 07-31-2010 01:11 PM

Was just thinking about you...wondering where you'd gone off too.

We try to rush love....we try to force it. Society tells us that after a certain time frame, we should be in "love" with the pperson we are with. But who sets that kind of time frame? Who is the know all be all that says everyone has to feel the same way at the same time? Be honest with her...if she questions your feelings...be honest. Tell her you truly enjoy her, look forward to getting to know her and maybe some day falling in love with her....but that it's too soon and you simply cannot promise her anything.

Why beat yourself up and start over-analyzing yourself? You couldn't have been in this relationship long. So why pressure yourself? Maybe you don't have a "barrier". Maybe you're just not ready, maybe you legitamately don't feel that for this person, maybe it's just too soon, maybe you're over-analyzing therefore inhibiting your feelings from progressing. Go with the flow. Enjoy the relationship. Let it be what it'll be....because no matter what you do, it's not going to be anymore or any less than what it should be.

Enjoy it. Be happy.

**pule_p** · 08-02-2010 03:20 AM

Haa man, my guess is you not over the previous relationship nor it's important to heal first before you go into another relationship but now that in the relationship take it easy, take your time and have fun