How to deal with an open relationship.

**soleil10** · 08-01-2010 04:22 PM

My boyfriend of almost 2 years decided that because he has had only 2 girlfriends in his entire life that he needs to get out there and experience sexual relationships with other women. This provoked him to want to end our relationship. I suggested having an open relationship .. maybe out of fear of losing him. But it only happened to days ago. he hasn't had a chance to find someone yet. But i am not so sure i want this. I mean the idea of him sleeping with other women makes me sick to my stomach. I am however not going to be with other men. i am not that kind of person. I love him very much. I want him to be happy. but also the thought of him finding someone else that will mean more to him also has crossed my mind. I have no one to discuss this with,. I wont dare tell anyone i know. i need support on either how to accept it, ideas for getting through it, or some rules that have worked for you.

**LanaBear** · 08-02-2010 10:04 AM

It is one thing to have an open relationship if the both of you want it, but a far different thing if you are offering this to him simply out of fear of losing him. You will not gain anything out of this open relationship. Is it really worth it to you? IMO, the stress and worry over what he will be doing with others would be far worse than simply letting go.

If YOU don't want this, then YOU will not be happy with it. You are giving up what you want and what you believe to please him, therefore, you are losing a part of yourself. Please don't do that. You don't deserve it, you deserve to be with someone who will be happy with you and make you happy regardless of sexual pasts and/or experience.

IF you decide to go this route, there must be ground rules. Protection must be used.... Do you stipulate that he is only allowed to sleep with someone once? To avoid "feelings" to come up between them?

Think long and hard about it, this can and may just ruin you.

**sourpuss** · 08-02-2010 10:16 AM

This is a recipe for disaster. I agree with Lana 100% in that it would be infinitely harder to stay in a relationship like this than to let go. If after two years he isn't committed to you, then it's not a relationship worth making this kind of sacrifice. Think long and hard about what YOU want out of a relationship (not just what you want from him). If he can't give you that, there is someone who can and you should be go your separate ways to find what makes the two of you happy.

**rcoreyus** · 08-02-2010 10:19 AM

While open relationships work for some people, for the majority of people they are a disaster. If he wants more experiences and you aren't comfortable with this (most people would not be), then maybe there isn't a future for you as a couple. I'm sorry, but he has a right to experience more in life if that is really important to him, and you have a right to an exclusive relationship if that is what you want.

It is worth sitting down with him and talking about this. Be honest - if you don't want an open relationship TELL HIM, don't say its OK and then be miserable and resent him for it.

I'm very sorry you are in this spot.