Thread: Till Death Do Us Part

Originally Posted by rhiannon34

I think that essentially what you are getting at is it's for security?? It will make you feel more secure, I think that's why a lot of people do it. I myself don't see the security in it. Call me jaded from my last nightmare of a past marriage. But I just never did have the marriage fantasy in my head growing up. When I was a teen, when planning my life out (hehehe, what a laugh) I always said I would have a child at about 24 and then marry at around 28. I just never saw myself as needing to be married or apparently being ready for it as soon as I would be ready for motherhood. Never wanted to be the princess and wear a pretty wedding dress. I got married barefoot on a beach. I just think people cloudy up relationships with all the legal jargon and expectations. I am sure sometimes people do get some level of security from it, but it's a toss of the dice nowadays. You get more security in life from getting an education and aquiring financial security on your own. Relationship wise, there can be no real security. You cannot dictate the life of another person, no matter what you get signed by a judge. Your life, is in the hands of another human being, who is flawed, and emotional, and can change their mind or screw you whenever they feel like it. FYI, you can mortgage a house with someone without being married, you can follow him to Timbuctu if you want to too.
In my opinion I think another reason for people wanting to be married is they get a lot from the social status. Women especially I think have a tendency to base their identities a lot based on their sexual statuses. Having the title of Mrs. just means some accomplishment to alot of women, like they are somehow a better person to others because of it. And that I don't really get either.

For some women yea I agree, but I'm not getting married for Identity reasons and such. But that is what I see happening a lot. I suppose someone who is divorced would have a different mentality. I say 'to each his own' but be sure. Divorce is such a nasty thing and I for one don't ever want to have to go through it. But long term break up's can be just as nasty and unpleasent. I know that from experience.

To me it all boils down to striving to be "normal". We all want to believe we "want" to be different, but we still struggle with ourselves when we stray off the norm. The problem with the word normal is this: "conforming with or constituting a norm or standard or level or type or social norm; not abnormal" Such an example being room temp. Someone, somewhere along the lines said "Room temperature is 72 degrees". And it became so that the "normal" temperature to maintain your home. But the problem is, 72 doesn't feel good to everyone. Some are freezing to death at 72 and others are sweating. So in the comforts of their own homes, they find a temperature that is comfortable for them......or they conform because they believe they SHOULD grow accustomed to what is the norm.

What I just said may make absolutely no sense to some, but I relate this to our relationships, engagements, marriage, babies, etc. If you asked almost any young American girl what does it mean to be a normal women she'd most likely tell you something to the effect of: a woman that gets married and has babies and takes care of her family. But much like 72 degrees, what if that's not comfortable for some? Do you secretly adjust the temperature to suit you, or do you "conform"??

Many choose to conform....because it's easier than the alternative. It has become "normal" for girls to get engaged and spend their engagements up to their eyeballs in wedding planning. And yes, like HD said, all the women old and young flock around her like she's been dipped in gold and they reinforce to her that what she's doing is "normal".

Not so much an issue for "to get married or not to get married" as much as it is an issue of not being willing to conform to what we have decided is a normal marriage.

Figuratively speaking, my temp is never set on 72........because that's not what feels right to me. And if it doesn't feel right.........chances are, it's not.