Is my ex playing games with me

**babycakes** · 08-15-2010 09:11 PM

My ex and I were in a relationship for 2 1/2 years and he broke it off with me 3 months ago. When we broke up I was the text message terror girl who was calling him all the time crying for him back and of course he was ignoring me. To get over him I gave up contacting him a month after we broke up. 2 weeks later he calls me saying that he felt bad. After that we started to see each other again. When we broke up we still hang and make out but that wasn't working. So after he called me I thought hmm well maybe he still has some feeling or he's using me because he's stressed out since he was entering the police academy the next day. We started to see each other once a week and I told him no friends with benifits. He was the one to hug and kiss me and say all these nice things but I didn't give him pleasure or anything of that sort because it's not right or fair to me. It's been 3 weeks now since I last seen him and I feel as though he's ignoring me again. At this point I want to throw a brick at him...His 21 b-day is coming up and he didn't invite me but he's inviting all these people from face book that he doesn't know(my friend called me and told me this). His mom invited me though.. He doesn't want to see me this week cause he's seeing his cousin for the whole weekend. It seems that when he needed me it was to help him with his police homework..He told me that he's scared of commitment when we were cuddling and talking 3 weeks ago..I want to be a dermatologist and I'll be in school for the next 14 years (i got 1 years down :3) and he'll be a cop by this December. When we were going out he was always clingy and a little sad because he thought that when I become a doctor or be leaving to go to med school that I would find someone better them him. I always told him that would never happen even if he was a jobless bum. Can you guys or girls tell me what his motives are because I'm getting sick of it. O and I'll be 20 by this November so there isn't a huge age gap between us, just so you know. To be honest I don't know who he is anymore..he's trying to act like those people from the Jersey Shore but he sucks big time at it...

I know a lot of you from the past have told me to not talk to him and that he is using me but this is my first break-up and love loss so i'm trying the best I can ><

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-16-2010 07:01 AM

Cut the ties. The more you talk the more attached and entwined in his drama you become. That is really bad for you and your healing.

He doesn't want to get back together with you, but he wants to keep you on the string just in case he changes his mind. Not cool. Let him go.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-16-2010 07:58 AM

Going through a break up is so painful... I think most people can understand how it is hard to resist the temptation of getting back together (even temporarily) just to at least put a bandaid on the raw wound. But when someone shows you how they are, how they feel... time and time again and you know , just KNOW... whats going to happen next... its time to realize that getting back together occasionally, while it eases the pain of missing the person.... it just keeps that wound fresh and it never gets a chance to fully heal.

He sounds like he has said and shown you that he isn't ready to be the kind of boyfriend you deserve, but like a lot of selfish people... he doesn't want to let you go entirely, like BD says... he likes knowing that when his chips are down, he CAN call on you... and when he's doing fine he can ignore you... and you're going to be right there waiting the next time.

Trust that none of your being there for him is going on to some ledger that he will balance by being there for you in the future. You can do everything possible to make him happy, make his life easier, be there for him... and there is a real high probability that you are never going to get any of that back from him. As much as you love this guy... those feelings will fade in time. But the more you allow him in and out of your life, the longer it will take.

Maybe there is hope for things to work out in the future when he decides he's ready to settle down, but don't base your life on that hope. Get out there and live, do things for yourself, hang with friends and be open to meeting new people (including guys to date). When he says sweet things and wants you back, you agree... then how many times has he shown you that it keeps going back to the same thing, ignoring you, not inviting you to his bday, etc etc...

If you held a place with him in the same way that he holds a place with you, you wouldn't be made to feel like you do. There is nothing wrong with you, you are worthy of the kind of relationship you trully want to have. Don't sell yourself short hanging on to the scraps he leaves behind.

**babycakes** · 08-18-2010 07:11 PM

The worst part about the break up is that even though I try to move on I just feel as though i'm stuck. Even though I stopped texting him I can't get him out of my dreams and it's really annoying me. Ever since we broke up I haven't gotten any good sleep in the past 3 months because when I do he's there cheating on me, marrying me, etc...And when I wake up I just want to punch a whole through the wall or just his face... When he broke up with me I started to exercise to get him off my mind and be with my friends more but that still isn't the ticket. Now I've been trying to get a job for the past 2 months and still nothing, i'm still trying though. It's great that i'm doing more things but i'm just exhausting myself just to get him out of my head. When I use to see him I felt carefree and sleep but now like I said before i'm just stuck....I'm hoping that once I get a job I can start taking a kick boxing class so I can pretend i'm beating him up and build up more confidence.