What is classified as cheating?

**RosePetal** · 08-16-2010 08:02 AM

Hi All,

Been having a debate recently with a few friends on what is classified as cheating. Can cheating be both emotional and physical?

People probably will have different views on this but here are somel isted below:
would you classify the following as cheating or not cheating:-

- dancing/grinding with a random in a club cheating?
-Getting to know another person (no physcial activity involved) just talkin and meeting (and the other person doesn't know you are with someone)
-physically cheating

**sungoddesschelsy** · 08-16-2010 08:24 AM

Dancing and or grinding with someone randomly in a club (that act only) IMO is not cheating.
Getting to know another person by talking with no phsycial contact is also IMO not cheating, but if your conversation has anything to do with relationships and you don't tell the other person you are in one then thats a moral issue for me... you aren't cheating but you might be leading the other person on.

IMO any physical touch that isn't accidental is cheating, with maybe the exception of a hug but I'd still be very cautious.
Emotionally, you'll probably never be able to prove it unless you have the words that were said, but yes I almost feel that emotionally cheating IE: talking on the net with random people, texting random friends about sexual activity, is worse because you may not be able to prove it, plus you know its not just for sex there was something emotional about it and you can't just turn off emotions no matter who you are.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-16-2010 08:37 AM

Cheating to me is more about the intentions behind whatever act takes place. The most innocent thing can be cheating and the more dirty thing can be innocent... it all depends on the intent of the committed person when the act takes place.

Flirting, when done in fun and no interest in actually meeting anyone = not cheating
Flirting, when done with the intent of trying to attract the attention of the opposite sex for the purposes of meeting them, possibly getting a number or taking them out =cheating.

Dancing at a club, even close and naughty, when done with the intent of just having fun and the focus is the dance not the person they are dancing with = not cheating
Dancing at a club, with the intent to get turned on by the person they are dancing with... trying to make a physical connection, having the desire to get to know the person they are dancing with, exchange numbers or take them home = cheating

Talking with someone for conversation, the human experience... sharing stories you both relate to etc... is not cheating
Talking with someone with the hope that it may lead to intimacy (emotional or physical) is cheating.

It all depends on the context.

**Gregs Baby** · 08-16-2010 10:29 AM

i think everything is cheating insted of the second one that is just getting to know someone. physically is deff cheating and sometimes talking depends if there calling eachother pet names like babe,hun,baby,and ect.

**jns** · 08-16-2010 01:08 PM

Cheating is mostly going outside the limits agreed upon in a relationship, with someone else. If it is an open relationship where the new partner has to meet the old partner before proceeding to a physical relationship, and doesn't, that could be considered cheating. If the agreement is no talking with females unless approved, and unapproved conversations with females take place, then that could be considered cheating. Unfortunately, many don't discuss boundaries in enough depth, so you get a situation where one thinks its cheating, where another doesn't. Then there is a blowup related to one person trying to impose their will on another. Whats more problematic are fungible boundaries, where what is OK one day is not the next, and without any new agreements.

BTW, if you classify something as physically cheating, then it is cheating by definition. A sexual relationship outside of the first committed relationship may or may not be cheating, depending on the circumstances. In many, if not most cases it will be.

**snuffie** · 08-16-2010 01:58 PM

This is an interesting thread, obviously what constitutes cheating is an individual thing but the one thing that is important is that the two people in the relationship have a clear idea of what their partner believes is cheating, understands this and respects it.
Even if they personally don't believe it is, respecting and understanding their beliefs and emotions is vital, if they breech this for me that is cheating.
Are they comfortable with the level or type of contact with certain people, are photos inappropriate?, kissing, dancing?
All different....personally for me, i have not problem with my boyfriends being in contact with ex's and other girls aslong as the contact and conversation are appropriate, friends no talk of sex ect!!, physical contact certainly, appreciating another attractive women (sight only) no!!

**stressed** · 08-16-2010 02:20 PM

Cheating is objective. Some people don't consider anything as cheating, they have open relationships and so on. I'd say that cheating is something you do that you know your partner would not approve of but you do it anyway and would never want your partner to find out.

Personally:

- Dancing with a random person: No, unless the dance is intimate, there's grabbing/kissing, or you see them talk for hours right after the dance or even exchange phone numbers. I wouldn't be happy if my SO danced with a random person for over ten minutes either, I would perceive it as if there is sexual attraction between them and I'm just standing there like an idiot. It has happened that he's danced with a random person (he was drunk) but I didn't have a problem with that, I actually thought it was funny.

- Getting to know another person: Depends on the degree. I'm not keen on close friendships between the opposite sex. If he were to have daily contact with another woman, be it by text or phone calls, that would result in an emotional connection I wouldn't be happy with. He should also mention that he's in a relationship, instead of just getting to know a person without telling her anything about me. He doesn't really have any friends of the opposite sex, so to suddenly find one wouldn't really make me happy. But this is because of his character and not a general rule. My ex'es had female friends and I was alright with that, but they were different kind of guys. If this one were to have a close female friend he'd become closer than he'd realize.

Physical cheating: Intercourse and touching is unacceptable to me. Once he was so drunk he was touching the hair of his friend's wife in front of me, flirting with her, telling her how pretty she was (he doesn't remember any of that). I'd count that as cheating too, but considering his state at the time it's easier to let go. I wouldn't touch a man like that and I wouldn't have intercourse with another man while we are together so I expect him to do the same, especially when his views are also the same.

Couples discuss early in the relationship what is perceived as cheating to them. When they agree then they are expected to follow those rules. If they find they are difficult to keep them then they should call it off before they actually cheat. Cheating is relative but those involved have to agree on its definition from the start.