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Thread: I can't get over my ex no matter what I do

  1. #1
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array sexybabe's Avatar
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    Default I can't get over my ex no matter what I do


    OK, so maybe I'm a bit more emotional today than on most days because today is our anniversary. We would have been together for 2 years today. I've done EVERY possible way I can to get over my ex - got rid of photos and every little thing that reminds me of him and our relationship, picked up a new hobby, spent more time with friends, threw myself to work life never before, and stopped checking his facebook. The thing is, I still think about him EVERY SINGLE DAY and really, this is totally driving me crazy. Sometimes I'd even dream about him and his new girlfriend and wake up feeling a lump in my throat. My friends told me to just STOP. Stop thinking about him, to shift my mind to something else when I find myself thinking about him (or them) again but it just doesn't work. It's been 8 months since we broke up and there are days when I still feel so down in the dumps, so discouraged that I would never be able to be happy again. Why do people say that happiness is a choice? I really find that ridiculous. If people can just choose to be happy then why are there so many sad, lost souls in this world? If I hear one more time that I can decide to be happy or stuck in this rut forever, I swear I'm going to scream! Because I don't choose to be unhappy. I didn't plan to cry until this time after the breakup. I never wanted to be miserable and I know I did everything there is out there to get over someone who broke your heart but nothing's working. I still have so much emotions over this and I don't know if things will ever get any better. I am so discouraged and disappointed with myself I really don't know what to do anymore. I have done the most stupid things to numb my pain like sleep with a married man but the relief was always temporary. I miss us and I hate it that he is now inlove with someone else, that he is happy and that he has someone loving him. I hate how I am stuck in this pain and not knowing when I will ever get past it.

  2. #2
    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Why do people say that happiness is a choice? I really find that ridiculous. If people can just choose to be happy then why are there so many sad, lost souls in this world? If I hear one more time that I can decide to be happy or stuck in this rut forever, I swear I'm going to scream! Because I don't choose to be unhappy
    Hello mam Time to SCREAM... Because they are exactly that, lost souls, sad, not happy. Why? Simply put they are living in the past, can't stop what ever it is that is making them un-happy, don't believe in themselves, don't believe that they can do it, don't love themselve enough to realise they are worth more, can't move to the present totally...

    You've made changes, that's excellent well done.. But, your still living in your past, your dreaming, thinking every waking minute, your living, that's all your doing...

    Don't be disappointed in yourself, rather, start reading books of self worth, positive afirmations, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yep ( I hate how I am in stuck in this pain)... Only you can get out of it, only you can change it, and you said it ( when I will ever get past it) only you mean, when I can ever remove the past and work for my future.

    The changes like I said, is good.. But, it's living... your just living...

    You haven't let go, you feel cheated, you feel lost yourself... You haven't closed the door.

    Where are those goals? Where is this, pftttt, I deserved better, I deserve better, I love me, watch me go? Where's the positives?

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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    Oh girl. I have been there and it isnt any fun, especially when he has another girlfriend. I know that different things help people but for me it was talking to him and meeting other guys. Now the screaming part is coming up because you CANNOT and WILL NOT be happy with another person until you are happy with yourself and being happy with yourself is a decision you have to make. This is something you must rise above! You need to grow an ego and fill your head with nothing but positive thoughts about yourself. This is not going to happen over night and it is not going to be fun but I promise you that you can get through this. Think of it like this, he hurt you, he left you, he found someone else and for that he is TERRIBLE! SCUM! and therefore NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU! Guys need to prove that want you and adore you and keep you around because once us women decide what we want, were in it for the long hall unless that guy makes us think otherwise! Go DATE single men, even people you usually wouldnt, maybe you will like him and make a good friend meeting new people helps with this a lot. good luck babe!

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    Oh yeah, I talked to my ex and basically got some closure and explained that I just wanted to be friendly, keep in touch and in time I wanted nothing to do with him because I could tell how over me he was when he completely changed how he acted and I became unattracted to him.. I dont know your situation or if this is possible but..thats how I did it

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array sexybabe's Avatar
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    The changes like I said, is good.. But, it's living... your just living...

    You haven't let go, you feel cheated, you feel lost yourself... You haven't closed the door.

    Yes, since the beginning of this year, I've been just living. Enduring. I feel so defeated and I am tired of fighting...

    But I'm not giving up. I will rise above this no matter how hard or how long this takes me. I'm just really discouraged and needed some assurance that I can do this coz sometimes I do feel like giving up already...

  6. #6
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array sexybabe's Avatar
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    Oh yeah, I talked to my ex and basically got some closure
    Some of my friends suggested this but I don't think it's a good idea. I know I wouldn't be able to stop myself from crying, from saying awful things, and the last thing I want him to know is how miserable I am still while he is happily inlove with someone else. I know him, and I know that he will just listen to me rant and cry and just say sorry... I'll only look so pathetic and I won't give him that show. Yes he is a scum. He is terrible. And I hate him for hurting me this much because I took care of his heart. I made sure that he never experienced being hurt again.

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    WH Super Moderator Array sourpuss's Avatar
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    Maybe you should seek counseling. Because feeling like this after 8 months, after he's moved on, after he hurt you....isn't normal. You're only hurting yourself. I really think you should talk to a professional.
    Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard.

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    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    In my experience, most of the pain I've felt after a breakup is strictly brought on by me. I'd say I wanted to get over the person, but in my mind I was afraid if I got over them then I'd lose that "love" and then if I lost it, that would mean it was never really there...or at least thats what I told myself. . So I hung on...and hung on....in my mind. I defeated MYSELF. And that's exactly what you're doing. No, we cannot control some of the bad things that come our way, but when people say you can choose to be happy, they are right to a certain extent. And I think what they're trying to tell you is, YOU are doing this to YOU. Love is not doing this to you. You are......

    Breaking up is very very painful when you really believed you loved the person and felt that they loved you. The betrayal and rejection is what hurts the most. How could they "love" me and so quickly replace me? Why does he want her instead of me? How could he just turn off the light switch? It's a feeling of rejection that is horrible....causes you to have dreams about it, etc. I've been there. And when I DECIDED to be done with beating myself up, done with wallowing in my self pity and misery, done with allowing myself to feel rejected just because this ONE person chose someone else.... that's when I finally got past it. And you can too.

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    That's awesome that all of you are able to move on in such little time, and for a long period I did move on and I was happy. Until he, not me, decided to come back. Eventually, I'd let my guard down. Technically, we broke up 4 years ago. Every now and then I've had friends with benefits situations with him. Now he's with a new girl so I freaked out and now we're not even talking on a friends basis.

    What now? Why after 4 years am I not happy? I've had relationships, but it's not the same. Summer 2013 will be FIVE years...am I gonna be that girl who never gets married, has kids, and sits at the mall by herself eating in a food court?


    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
    In my experience, most of the pain I've felt after a breakup is strictly brought on by me. I'd say I wanted to get over the person, but in my mind I was afraid if I got over them then I'd lose that "love" and then if I lost it, that would mean it was never really there...or at least thats what I told myself. . So I hung on...and hung on....in my mind. I defeated MYSELF. And that's exactly what you're doing. No, we cannot control some of the bad things that come our way, but when people say you can choose to be happy, they are right to a certain extent. And I think what they're trying to tell you is, YOU are doing this to YOU. Love is not doing this to you. You are......

    Breaking up is very very painful when you really believed you loved the person and felt that they loved you. The betrayal and rejection is what hurts the most. How could they "love" me and so quickly replace me? Why does he want her instead of me? How could he just turn off the light switch? It's a feeling of rejection that is horrible....causes you to have dreams about it, etc. I've been there. And when I DECIDED to be done with beating myself up, done with wallowing in my self pity and misery, done with allowing myself to feel rejected just because this ONE person chose someone else.... that's when I finally got past it. And you can too.

  10. #10
    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    What now? Why after 4 years am I not happy? I've had relationships, but it's not the same. Summer 2013 will be FIVE years...am I gonna be that girl who never gets married, has kids, and sits at the mall by herself eating in a food court?
    WHY after 4 years? Because it HASN'T been 4 years. You have gone back and forth on an emotional roller coaster with this guy for 4 years. You haven't once actually let this go and allowed yourself the freedom to move on. Dating others doesn't qualify when you're still going back and forth communicating with this guy or having "FWB" with him. You will NEVER be FWB with this guy because there are too many emotions in there for you. Now, he's got a new girl and you're freaking out. Isn't that proof to you that you've never truly let this go and given yourself a chance to get over it?

    I watched a friend go through this. Her first love. Relationship was rocky and terrible and lasted around a year. They finally broke up for good, but my friend hung on. After a year passed of her still grieving, I found out that she had been finding excuses to contact her ever so often. Just enough to get her hopes up, only to be let down over and over. 3 years...4 years....and finally one day when she said she'd never get over her...I said "Then that's a self imposed sentence of pain and torture." I think it clicked for her for some reason. She finally heard me. "As LONG as you keep the ties between you, you will continue to have hope, and you will not move on.". It's not fair to the guys you're trying to move on with, because you're going into it USING them to try to get over someone else that you haven't even begun to let go of yet.

    Do you want to be the old lady in the food court? If you don't cut your ties with this guy and quit spinning your wheels chasing after the past, you could be.

    Cut the ties. ALL of them. No phone, no text, no facebook, no email. Ignore any attempts he ever makes to contact you. Period. THAT is when you'll know you're serious about truly getting on with your life.

    "Be what you're looking for."

    "The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."



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