Thread: How can I overcome my jealousy?

I am going to start off by saying that I completely understand your feelings. I am going to let you know that the jealousy will get worse the closer you get to your man unless you do something about it. I have had some trust issues in the past with my boyfriend who I have been with 3 years and have had NO REASON to distrust. So I completely understand where you're coming from... It's like you can't control your jealous feelings although you KNOW that there's noreason to be jealous right?? Well all I can say is think of this from the perspective of his woman friend. This has helped me to control my feelings of my boyfriend's girl Friends...

I've had this best friend who happens to be a guy since high school. We are like brother and sister and he's always been there for me when I was single and he was single... but there's no attraction at all between us. Whenever I've gotten into relationships there is a certain tension between us because we realize our friendship can't be as strong when there's someone in our lives. When I got into my current relationship my boyfriend I'm with is so laid back and trusting that he has allowed us to continue our friendship with no jealousy. BUT THEN... my best guy friend started dating this woman about a year ago. She is very controlling of him and would get jealous when I would talk to him. There was a huge falling out between us when she responded to my messages WRITTEN TO MY FRIEND telling me to back off and I'm part of his past not his present. She started yelling at me and acted out in a total immature way. It's a long story, but to make a long story short she ended up calling the cops on me. I never knew it was illegal to try and keep in touch with a best friend??? But that is how jealous she got. She HAD to control the situation by scaring me away with the cops... I honestly did nothing wrong to this woman but she was so jealous that she pushed me away from my best friend. I understand that my friend is also to blame for not sticking up for himself and guarding our friendship. ANyways, they broke up awhile ago and soon after my best friend called me and I decided to let it all go and me and my guy friend had a talk and he realized how wrong he was and how controlling she was. Well, they recently got back together and have not talked to him since. I fear that if I try contacting him that I will again get a threatening call or message from his girlfriend. Because of this jealousy (in which she has no reason to be jealous) I've lost one of my closest friends. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him because not only did it happen once but twice. He does not realize how unhealthy their relationship is because he's gone back to her. But anyways after all my venting about this, the point is I can think about how all of boyfriend's friends may feel if I push them away. I know my boyfriend will never do anything to hurt me so why should I cause pain on people just like the pain that I am experiencing from a lost friend? Maybe this will help if you can put yourself in the shoes of your boyfriend's friend.

Does he refer to her as his best friend, or just a friend? I know I personally have a group of "best friends", both male and female, but some people prefer the security of having someone they can call their best friend. How long have they known eachother? If their friendship is a recent development, I'd probably worry, but if it's been long lasting, it might just be a genuine friendship with no underlying attraction. I know how it is having trust issues, but I think it all depends on the person you're with. I barely ever trusted my last boyfriend, but my current one never even seems to look at other girls and I trust him more than anyone. If this relationship of yours is new, approach it with cautious optimism, but treat him as though you trust him, or else he'll sense the insecurities and it will crumble.