Thread: LDR boyfriend has a new female best friend from the Army

Seems like there is no changing on your BF's ways after you've told him how you feel, Sweetie! I'm so sorry that you are going through this tough, tough predicament. I'd like to concisely share how I see it (I even consulted my hubby's opinion to get a male perspective, one whom I had LDR with)...I am not going to sugarcoat or any...

Are you willing to put up with this as long as you live? He's in the Army, he'll be deployed and whether with this female bestfriend or not, there's going to be another "chick" involved in his life overseas or wherever, and you'll once again see that ghost face to face. Can you handle that? If not, it's time to look for other options for YOU and cut him loose.

He could be honest, and it could be that love you much and reassure you over and over - but as far as I understand based on your story, he's not doing enough effort to show you that you mean more to him that his female best. Putting myself in your shoes, after reading your further posts, I'd also feel very jealous. I'd feel so anxious, I'd choose to let go and let him be. I'd choose my well-being over him.

It's your choice. LDRs are tough already, now with the addition of his female best, it's even harder. All you got is his word. It doesn't matter if she has a fiancé, your bf puts you on webcam, etc...as close as you've described them to be, it takes so much restraint to not fall emotionally/physically, which they may or may not be doing. I'm not being cynical, I'm just being realistic! I've mostly had male friends and bestfriends, but I never hung out that way, my husband has a female bestfriend as well, and the moment I told him that I felt like she's a threat to our LDR, he immediately toned down his contact with her.

Here's a rule of thumb with most guys: if they mean what they say, their actions would show it. If the woman they are with or the one they profess they love truly means the world to them, they'd do everything to keep her and I meant everything - securing your feelings, doing things, accommodating your wishes...everything. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not going back to everything I've said in my previous posts about jealousy - you still need to work on yourself, and I think it would be better if you don't have to worry so much about him and his female best.

I agree caterpillar. I did not know that you have tried to spoke with him about this situation several times. I consider that he is quite selfish, because when you love someone you do not do things that hurt the other person. I do not say that he should stop his friendship with that girl, but at least he should try to do other things instead of spending all his time with her.

A LDR is never easy for many circumstances. But I think that you do not have the obligation to carry on with a situation that does not make you happy. You love him and you have share many things together. For that reason, I think you should be his priority than his female friend. I cannot tell you ignore the situation and try to be happy. Because I now what is having problems in LDR. But if he cannot show you with actions that you are his priority instead of his female friend, you should end things or at least, show him that you will not stand up anymore this situation.

My male friends tell me that women need to be very strong and show men that we will not allow them to carry on with uncomfortable situations. Be strong and tell him that you will not carry on this situation, because it hurts you. If he really loves you, he will prove it with actions. If he does not love you enough, you will see.

Whatever happens, do not be afraid. If he changes is fantastic. But if he does not, at least you know that have done the best and that you deserve someone better, who cares about your feelings.

I was in a slightly similar situation. I am in the military and I dated an airborne linguist for two years and four months. We were long distance for about the last year. You mentioned that you won't be able to be together for two years, and even then he'll probably be deployed again, etc. If he's airborne, that is quite likely.

What I realized is that not having any concrete plans to be together was a sign that he wasn't actually ready to commit to me. Apparently he wasn't sure that he wanted me in his future. I felt like something on hold at the department store, waiting for him to pick me up. And if he wasn't ready to commit after over two years (I know this is controversial), I think it was a sign that I shouldn't have been waiting around for him. Dealing with the distance without a plan to be together was torture- it was similar to what you expressed. After a while I wasn't even sure if I wanted to be with him, if he was so unsure of wanting me. In June he came to visit me and we broke up. He said that he talked to his sisters and he realized he was being selfish, keeping me around without a plan for the future. I had wanted to break up, too because I was going crazy and he seemed to be getting more jerk-like. Once we broke up in June I actually felt happy a lot of the days, with some of the worry and stress off my heart. I am still sad about the breakup and feel like we could be so great together.... but the fact that I made him a priority when to him I was only an option made it an unhealthy relationship.

So maybe the issue is not so much this other girl who is friends with him. Maybe the question is "why should you keep doing this?" Maybe he is taking you for granted, or maybe the time is just not right. Sorry for the long story- perhaps your situation is different, but I thought maybe it would help.

Yes, I understand. But how is he supposed to say "No." to being deployed and going to language school?