Dealing with hearing impairment and lonliness at 30

**LuckyStars** · 08-27-2010 08:09 AM

I've had profound hearing loss since it was diagnosed when I was 2 and wear the highest powered hearing-aids thtt's out there. I've always had difficulty maintaing friendships, most of them seems to not get past the acquaintance stage.

I also have a scar from heart surgery that is noticable on my chest when I wear shirts that's a little low-fitting. I'm not self-conscious about that but I don't know if people judge and think I might not be very healthy.

My lonliness has gotten so bad I've resorted going to the bar just to "hang" out with other people. I don't want to hear any "get some counseling" because that's not going to make people call me, invite me over for get-togethers, bonfires, parties, that sort of thing.

I do other things like camping and going to a concert but I go alone.

I don't believe in organized religion so I don't go to Church. I'm also not into volunteering as I already have a full-time job and its hard for me to fit in.

Last night some older gentleman made a comment that I'm always there myself, at a comedy show that goes on every week. Thanks for reminding me what a loser I am dude.

**WildChild** · 08-27-2010 08:55 AM

I understand that you feeling lonely and depressed but in truth it is more likely your attitude that is the problem. The older we get the more people we know who have hearing impairment, have had surgeries and have various other challenges, what counts is their attitude and demeanor.

How is it you have time to hang out in a bar or attending comedy shows that apparently don't tickle your funny bone but don't have time for other options? If you close the doors, others may well leave them closed.

Mix it up, explore some new options. Take a class, even if it's fingerpainting, join the Sierra Club and sign up to help maintain or rebuild some trails (REI does this too) do some things that get you interacting with others. If you aren't into organized religion check out your local UU, that's Unitarian Universalists; they accept and argue with everyone ( a little UU humor).

Decide you are done with the pity party and it's time to get out and live it up a bit. Buy yourself flowers, take some balloons for a walk, go find a nice grassy hill and roll down it. Rolling down hills is not as easy as adult as it was as a child but it's still fun. A smile is the biggest attractant there is.

**lala82** · 08-27-2010 10:03 AM

I agree Wildchild.

Everybody faces difficult situations in their life. Some have financial problems; other can have health problems and other feel lonely.
The problem is the not most important thing. The most important thing is the solution. You have identified what is your problem, so now you need to focus in the solution.

Your attitude plays an important role to solve the problem. If you are not positive about something, I will guarantee you that you will fail. But if you are positive, I am sure you will get excellent results.

If you want that people change your attitude towards you. You need to have high self stem and say yourself that are valuable and an important person. It does not matter if you wear or not wear a scarf or if you are not a top model. People will appreciate you more when you love yourself first

To be honest, I love to be near with optimistic and positive people. It makes me feel fantastic. I tried to avoid near to negative people. You should try to go out with positive people, they will help you to change you perception about life.

Good luck

**PandaPaws** · 08-27-2010 06:04 PM

Try joining some meetup groups. There is a site meetup"dot"com. (we cannot post actual links here) and you can find a group for TONS of different interests. Books, running, cooking, wine, cycling, music, knitting, you name it. Most groups like that are always happy to meet more people!

And if you're looking for things to do, and have time to go to bars and clubs, sounds like you also would have time to volunteer, but maybe it's just something you haven't found anything you would want to do, which is okay. I used to voluneer at a SPCA, my job was to "socialize" with the cats. I love cats, so, for me, it was awesome. If I was having a bad day, or just wanted to get away, I knew those cats would LOVE to spend some time with me. Kind of theraputic I guess

So yeah, I was volunteering, but it was something I really enjoyed doing - PLUS, when you volunteer, it makes you feel good by knowing that you're helping someone else out, gives you that sense of accomplishment.

**jns** · 08-27-2010 06:36 PM

Originally Posted by LuckyStars

Last night some older gentleman made a comment that I'm always there myself, at a comedy show that goes on every week. Thanks for reminding me what a loser I am dude.

He was probably trying to start a conversation with you. The fact he noticed means that he is there often, too, and that notices what goes on around him. I doubt he was trying to remind you of anything. As others have said, attitude can be the key.

**sourpuss** · 08-29-2010 09:09 AM

Judging by the tone of your post, I think the main problem is not hearing loss or a scar, but the fact that you are really negative. No one wants to hang out with someone who is always a downer, you know.
I had a friend who was completely deaf and on top of it, he didn't know sign language. He was super active, fun, good sense of humor, etc. So his 'disability' had no bearing on his social life.