I don't know if I should end realationship with boyfriend Need advice!

**Daniella22** · 08-31-2010 10:05 AM

Hello. Ok so I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. I met him when I was 18 and I'm now 24 and he's now 29. He was my first boyfriend, first sexual partner, first love. The problem with us has never been love. It's obvious we are very in love with each other and have unexplainable chemistry, we are very drawn to each other. But we have many problems, and I can't figure out if it's worth trying to fix or if we need to let each other go, because we love each other so much. I feel people nowadays give up too easily on relationships, but then again I don't want to stay in a relationship that's bad for both of us. I feel as though our relationship starting going downhill after I had an abortion when I was 21, and it completely threw me into a deep depression, also at this time I was working at a medical facility and working there made me extremely ocd. So a once carefree, go with the flow girl turned into a depressed, ocd girl that has a problem with everything! I get worked up over everything, everything bothers me. My boyfriend once said, 'no matter what I do I can't make you happy.' Not only am I losing my boyfriend, but I have lost my friends. I've been to therapy, I've tried different medications. My boyfriend, is the sweetest man I've ever met, however he has problems too... he has a premature ejaculation problem, so our sex life is not so good. A lot of times we just avoid sex. He's extremely embarrassed by this problem, and has asked his doctor about it, but I feel like he's not trying hard enough to fix it. The only times he doesn't have premature ejaculation problem is when he's been drinking. And that's another problem, I feel like he drinks too much, and that worries me a lot. And every time he gets upset with me he won't call me for days. He completely avoids problems. Right now we have been on a break for 2 weeks. And I do feel like breaks can be beneficial, because it's great to get perspective, and work on ourselves. But we aren't communicating at all. I don't know if our problems can be fixed, or maybe we just need to break up. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

**pretzel** · 08-31-2010 11:51 AM

Viscous cycle.

Seems the cycle started with the abortion, so start there. Was it a mutually decided upon? Arguments sake would lead me to believe he was the father so in that regard, he has some feelings toward the decision whether or not he was involved as it's ultimately your body and right to do that. Apparently this decision has had extreme effects on both of you. You went into depression as a result of this so that is one issue that needs to be resolved one way or another. His feelings toward this also have to be resolved.

Secondly, is it necessary for you to work in a medical facility given the effect it's had on you? If it is then you need to resolve your issues with what policies, procedures, and work environment that is having the ocd like effect on you. I'm inclined to believe the ocd is purely work related and a change of environment may have a positive effect on you. From your OP, yeah, I think he does believe that there is nothing he can do to make you happy as you've built walls around you due to the environment and emotional state that he can't seem to break.

That's not saying he's not without his own issues he has to deal with. Leave the premature ejaculation out of this for the time being and focus on what he may be able to do himself to strengthen the relationship. His drinking as well as his actions could be a result of depression on his own. I don't think that's out of the realm of possibilities. Avoidance is another things that may lead to believe there's some depression on his part also. So I'd suggest working on those things and if you two do want to make this work, then I'd consider some form of counseling to at a minimum find out those areas that are most important in getting the relationship back on solid footing.

Gaining confidence and security back into the relationship could help in getting your sexual relationship back to where you both are enjoying it. Personally, given what you've written, I would not make this a primary issue but work on it through reassurance and relaxation.

**jns** · 08-31-2010 07:22 PM

Maybe lessening the sensation could make your bf last longer. Have you tried condoms to lessen the sensation. If one doesn't work, try two. Try a snugger fit one, try different brands, etc. Use a lot of lubricant.

I agree with pretzel about where you are working. Try your best to find another job.

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