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Thread: how to get past a one night stand with a married man

  1. #1
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    Default how to get past a one night stand with a married man


    Hi all,
    I am new on here and a little hesitant to post but I am at a loss right now. I recently went on vacation with a friend of mine. The first night we went out on the town hitting popular bars etc. There were plenty of men dancing with me, hitting on me but that was all in fun and games. I went on this trip for a weekend getaway. I had no interest in "hooking-up" with anyone. However, as I was leaving for the night headed back to my hotel I bump into this guy, whom was with a group of guys. I felt this immediate connection, and not a love at first site but wow there is something to this guy. Yes I had a few drinks, but alcohol is no excuse. He invited me into another bar for a drink, my friend, and his. We exchanged first names and hometowns, he was out of town too. Well next thing I know, he is giving me his number telling me to call him. I called him as we are standing in line. He then asked if i wanted to make out. So we did right there in liine and in front of everyone. Next thing I know, we are back in my hotel bathroom having casual sex. Then afterwards, he kissed me bye, told me to call him tomorrow, and he went back to his hotel. Right after that he sent me a text, just along the lines of the SEC team I cheer for. This is 4:00 am as well.


    The next afternoon we were hitting the town again, so I texted him to see if they wanted to hang out. He immediately responds with yes. So later that night we all met up. Of course, this time he invited me to their hotel room where we had sex again. i left after it was over and went back to my hotel.

    He left the next day to return home and I had one more day left. But the whole day something was just bothering me about this guy. I could not put my finger on it. Once I returned to my hometown, I of course googled his number. I have never done that before with any guy. Something just did not sit well with me. Longer story short, I finally found him accidentally on a blog site.

    Turns out he is married with 2 girls. Which is where my guilt and hurt and anger come in. I was so shocked because he never once had a ring on, the other guys did not say a word and they were highschool friends. I felt so sick to my stomach. I cried for days. After several days, I decided that I was going to text him, just to see if he would respond. I am not interested in a relationship with him but I just needed to know.

    Turns out i am visiting his town, pre-planned prior to meeting him. so I used that as my excuse to see if he could recommend a hotel in the area. To my surprise he immediately responded, and told me he would check on some and let me know. Well it has been a day and I have not heard back from him.

    I am feeling so guilty, and low but I am curious to see if he will respond. Is that wrong?

  2. #2
    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    I think you should cut your losses sweetie... this guy is bad news. Any man that has the ability to go on vacation from his marriage, decieve an unsuspecting single woman for sex then go on about his merry way back to family life is displaying sociopathic tendencies. Do you really want to persue a relationship with a man that is capable of that level of deception with zero guilt?

    He will use you in the same way he'd use anyone because he is self-serving and only concerned with whatever suits his needs the moment he needs them. Its not wrong of you to desire contact with a guy that made you feel the way he did... but it would be foolish, in my opinion.. to attempt to re-connect to a situation that will lead no where..

    One day you may find yourself married with a couple of girls of your own, you may have a husband that pushes his bounderies with some other woman.. and if that other woman KNEW he had a wife and kids... you would probably hope she'd do the right thing and send him away, send him home.

    I think you don't know his wife.. and you owe her nothing... but I think guys would be less douchebaggy if girls didn't allow them to be that way.. know what i mean?
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) FEBRUARY 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array stressed's Avatar
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    He will do it again, on his next trip, next year. He's probably done it before. His wife thinks he's just having fun with the guys, they'd tell her if he did anything. Next time another girl will be in your place, only she might not look him up at all.

    You have his name, address and public blog.

    Think about it... you can save quite a number of lives here.

  4. #4
    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    You didn't do anything wrong, you did not know that he is married.
    Do you know that he is still in the marriage? Not separated?
    If he is really still married, forget him. You weren't looking for a long term deal.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

  5. #5
    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    Guys like this... the ones that go so far as to pretend they are single and exhibit not a shred of guilt... I don't know, they remind me of that scott peterson guy (the one who told his mistress that he was a widow and later went on to kill his very pregnant wife) . I would totally see no value in trying to date a guy, even if he eventually (although really, its not likely) left his wife as he has already demonstrated how he deals with relationships (ie. he doesn't deal with them he just pretends he isn't in one)

    I know a lot of girls like to think... a man only cheated because they are so special and he'd never turn around and do the same to them... but a leopard rarely changes its spots.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

  6. #6
    March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Array
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    You didn't do anything wrong. He probably did (though there is some chance he is separated, or in an open relationship).

    If he contacts you, ask him what the situation really is. Otherwise, you had fun while it lasted, and mark it up as experience.

  7. #7
    Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Array Texasred's Avatar
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    I'm just wondering: Do you know FOR SURE that he's married? Sometimes information you find on the net is quite a bit out of date.
    Someone googling me, for example, would find my "home address" as being where I lived several years ago.

    If he is married though - everything everyone above said about him is true.

  8. #8
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array JadedQueen's Avatar
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    You should find out for sure if he is in fact still married because the internet is filled with outdated information. If he is married then don't waste another second of your precious time wondering why he could/would do something like that or text to see if he will respond. Seriously, is there a point to that? You will never get the answers that you are seeking and it's really not worth your time and energy.... chalk it up to lessons learned and move on.

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