guy here, just been dumped. need some womens advice!

**UberBicep** · 09-04-2010 01:49 PM

hey there. sorry for posting here but i want to see what you ladies think. any feedback would be great

me and a girl have been boyfriend and girlfriend for about 8 months. i am 21 she is 22. over the summer, i went away to a different country for 3 months working. before i left we had a great time together and i knew i was going to miss her and she knew she was going to miss me, and we did. im not sure if we loved each other at this point or not.

over the summer we had been messaging each other telling each other how much we missed each other. then a few weeks before i went back home, the communication stopped. when i get back, she phones me up and says she doesnt want to be in a relationship with me any more. she says that because we argued a lot, and the relationship didnt exactly blosm, and since she had been having an awesome time with her friends over the summer she would rather be single.

but one thing is for sure, i missed her so much over the summer. more than what i originally thought it would. i hadn't exactly been treating her well, i was playing the "im alpha" game and i was scared to open my heart to her since i had done this before and scared girls off.

i really want her back. she is amazing. i dont understand how she could miss me so much and yet, pull the plug. i have told her how i feel.

any advice would be grand. thank you.

**jns** · 09-04-2010 02:19 PM

The short answer is that she doesn't want you. But you were getting better at meeting girls before. Go out and get yourself a new gf, this time don't play games and treat her well. Your ex was missing you, but then went out with her friends and saw how much better it was, not having to put up with your games.

**WildChild** · 09-04-2010 02:26 PM

Give it time. Get out do things, go places, meet people, keep working on your self. It could be that in time she will be receptive to another try but you can't hope too much for that your sit and wait for it.

**echoskybound** · 09-04-2010 02:53 PM

Sorry to hear this... three months is a long time to be apart for a new relationship. I think that kind of distance is stressful even for people who really love each other. Have you officially broken up now? How does she feel about you, does she not want to see you at all? Is she the type of person who accepts apologies openly, like if you sent her flowers and a note saying your sorry for how you treated her? It's hard to say what the answer is when we don't know her personally. I don't think you should ever be afraid to open up to anyone. If a girl can't take you opening up to her, she's probably not the right one. I think the best thing you can do is let her know you care without begging to have her back. She may not have known that you really cared about her.

**UberBicep** · 09-04-2010 03:04 PM

Thank you for your replies. She was opening herself up to me. It was just me that was holding back. I guess I was afraid of commitment. She definitely liked me more than I liked her. But over the summer I definitely began to see the bigger picture - she ticked every requirement on my list.

I am just going to give it time. Next time I will fricking stop the games and just be myself. I have shot myself in the foot!

Thanks

**jns** · 09-04-2010 03:11 PM

You can try a mea culpa with her and promise to change. If she wants to go on dates with you, make sure you have changed. Maybe try a setting with a number of friends so that she doesn't feel that she is only with you and to let her friends see the new you.

**Joy** · 09-05-2010 01:32 AM

I say go live your life have some fun - meet some new people. Keep in touch with this girl from time to time and maybe both of you will have grown and reconnect. Give it time

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-05-2010 01:51 AM

Definately, "be yourself" how can someone know you if your playing alpha?

The arguements, that she didn't like... What were they? You trying to play it tough

You say you wasn't sure if you loved her at the time you left, nor her you, but you both missed each other...

Is it possible that maybe, you don't like the fact that this one didn't work either, because before you stated that you were softer and it didn't work, this time you tried to play alpha... Sure it's not "i lost again" feeling?

There is nothing at all wrong with that, don't get me wrong, but the key is in-deed to be yourself. Only the right relationship is going to work and that's two people that can be themselves with each other and click and actually like each other, then fall in love.

**UberBicep** · 09-05-2010 05:05 AM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Definately, "be yourself" how can someone know you if your playing alpha?

The arguements, that she didn't like... What were they? You trying to play it tough

You say you wasn't sure if you loved her at the time you left, nor her you, but you both missed each other...

Is it possible that maybe, you don't like the fact that this one didn't work either, because before you stated that you were softer and it didn't work, this time you tried to play alpha... Sure it's not "i lost again" feeling?

There is nothing at all wrong with that, don't get me wrong, but the key is in-deed to be yourself. Only the right relationship is going to work and that's two people that can be themselves with each other and click and actually like each other, then fall in love.

You're definitely right. But is is so hard to be yourself when you have grown up without having many friends and generally being unconfident and insecure! And especially when the world is telling me I should look like all the models in magazines with tanned abs and I should have a skinny blonde model girlfriend!

When we argued I wouldn't really care, I would just go on my computer and let her walk out. She would then phone me up later that day and say sorry, crying and all, and I would be like "thats ok it happens" just like it never happened. And I wasn't doing this on purpose, I just can't be bothered with drama. I am the definition of chill.

So what I am going to do is keep the communication up, keep seeing her as friends or girlfriend. She has been my girlfriend, but she has also been my best friend too. And I am going to see other girls. I do want to keep growing.

Thank you so much!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-05-2010 06:06 AM

Yeah, been there..... Most of my friends though I established were jealous... so they made the in-security, perhaps step back and see? The world? True again magazines but isn't that being superficial? Remember to find her you must be you.

Tick boxes, so she has to be a skinny blonde model?

Sexy - bring sexy back you know the song, nothing to do with blondes, or skiny.

Ok, so she is in-secure... You pushed her buttons... Chill woman... a woman whom crys and then says bye, you argued too much made me feel bad, means you did that, you made her feel in-secure... here's your chance... not to go soft but to go, "don't be in-secure, don't you realise your sexy and beautiful.. chill... add both into it...

My opinion...

CW