Boyfriend left me at 14 weeks pregnant, do I wait for him or move on?

**lizdanzer** · 09-08-2010 07:35 PM

My BF and I had been together for 4 months (I am 26, he is 24 and just graduated from college), fell in love, and when we found out we were preggo, he said he would support me, and that we would work things out as a couple. He was more scared and not excited at all about the pregnancy. But said he loved me and was in it for the long run. So we moved in together a month ago.

3 days ago, he breaks up with me saying that he is not "in love" with me, even though a month earlier, and all through the last month, he has said we will make it together as a couple, and we'd figure things out when the baby comes. Ever since we found out he has been less than thrilled, saying if it were up to him, I'd have an abortion and none of his friends or family (incl him) think it's the right time in our lives to have a kid. And it's not. But it's reality. All of my friends have young kids so I see that managing a child is definitely possible, and not the end of your life, as my ex sees it.

He said the last 2 weeks have made him realize we're not meant to be. Yet if he had told me that 2 months ago, I may have made a different choice. I just don't understand how he can go from being willing to be a family with me, to not wanting anything at all to do with me. He says it's not because I'm preggo, but that's certainly what it looks/feels like. Things have been a little tough through the first trimester, (our early rel was a breeze, no fighting or anything) but all relationships are going to strain a little when the mom is sick all the time and not wanting to be intimate.

He says he wants to be there for the kid, but honestly I don't believe him. He said that about me too. Now he's left me with no place to live and so much stress. Is he just scared, will he come back and want to be with me? Or can someone really fall out of love in only a few short weeks? I am hoping that the stress of the 1st trimester was a reality check for him, and he'll come around and realize "love" isn't just giddy feelings and no fighting, it's making that choice. Who knows though, he says he was in love with me, and suddenly isn't anymore, I'm so hurt and confused.

Any advice would be great! Has anyone else been through this with their baby's father, where he suddenly left the relationship but still "said" he wanted to be involved with baby?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-08-2010 08:12 PM

Yet if he had told me that 2 months ago, I may have made a different choice.

So we moved in together a month ago.

Now he's left me with no place to live and so much stress.

We as women can fall in love very, very quickly, or at least feel that it's love.. We are happy to settle into that relationship and I understand once you fell pregnant, the next step was togetherness.

However, if he had told you he didn't love you, you would have terminated the baby. I understand your logic, of having two loving parents

But, you have to believe now that your having this baby because "you" want too.. Not because you were in a relationship... This little being is going to be with you for a long time..

Or can someone really fall out of love in only a few short weeks?

16 weeks is a short time

I think with men, it does take a few weeks to start to "fall"... I think it's fear more than anything and people talking to him, telling him he's too young to settle down...

You obviously were only together for around 8 weeks when it happened... That's not 12 months of love and friendship and baby, so it is possible that it was too early for this to all happen and he's tried, to see the long term togetherness but isn't sure, and therefore left.

It has nothing to do with the baby, that being, most men, will be estatic when they see their baby, for the first time, and will always be there.

Any advice would be great! Has anyone else been through this with their baby's father, where he suddenly left the relationship but still "said" he wanted to be involved with baby?

Why are you homeless? You moved in together, he left the relationship, did you have to give up on the place? Aren't your parents behind you? Supporting you and allowing you to stay with them?

My advice would be this.

You are having a baby, so concentrate on that for the time being, you need the rest, you need the peace and no stress.

Keep nice with him, be friends for now, when the baby is born, allow him to be a part of it, and see where it goes.

Nothing says that if you remain friends and can get along, that he won't see, the person he saw, nor the little baby that is his and try again

CW

**jns** · 09-09-2010 12:16 AM

Congratulations on being pregnant. I'm sorry to hear that your bf left. Hopefully he will realize what has happened and will come back. Guys sometimes get scared and after some time are fine with it. I know he said he would be there, then left. After some reflection, he may end up with a different decision. Take care of yourself for the baby and you. Can your family help you so you have some place to live?

**kygirl** · 09-09-2010 07:41 AM

I am going to agree with everyone else. This child is your child whether he is there or not. Yes, ideally it'd be nice to have two parents that love each other and their child, but this happened and it happened early. You can't take it back now. I am sure he wanted to do the right thing and be with you for the child and it sounds like somewhere along the way, he realized that was the only reason he was doing it. Regardless, you can get financial assistance from him when the baby comes. It is still his child and do you have a job or friends or family that would allow you move in with them during this time?

Sometimes things happen that aren't exactly ideal, but like CW said, you need to focus on you and your child and go from there. Worry about him later. You need to worry about you and your baby right now.

**pretzel** · 09-09-2010 07:56 AM

Unfortunately the game's changed rather quickly. Everyone so far has been right in that you need to focus on the baby, it's needs and his responsibilities in that regard.

One word of caution (please don't be insulted) but there seems to be an outside chance that he may question paternity. Just from looking at the timeline, you're almost 3 months pregnant by a guy who you've only been with 4 months. I'm not saying he will, but you might want to consider a paternity test just to protect your child. Unless he volunteers and accepts that the baby is his, you may well need to get this done in order to be able to make a legal claim of child support and possible insurance coverage for the baby.

Really can't say whether or not it's worth trying to get him back at this point or not. Bus as everyone said so far, you're main (and quite honestly only) concern is the welfare of the baby.

**sungoddesschelsy** · 09-14-2010 09:12 AM

You're main (and quite honestly only) concern is the welfare of the baby.

I agree totally with taking care of yourself and your baby. I know its the hardest thing to do but honestly, go on with your life just like he was never there. IF he comes back he'll then know that you are cabable of taking care of yourself and his child. If he truely loved you he will come back.

**echoskybound** · 09-18-2010 12:52 AM

I wish I had advice for your terrible situation.. be strong and I hope you are feeling healthy and handling the situation okay. This is such an unfortunate thing to happen to a relatively new relationship, I can't even imagine how difficult this is.

Originally Posted by lizdanzer

Or can someone really fall out of love in only a few short weeks?

I had a boyfriend of two years who left me several times, but finally said one day, "I love you, I could never leave you again for the rest of my life" and then left me the next day, coming up with excuses like "I was only saying it to try to make myself believe it" after two or more years of saying it to me. People definitely have different ideas of love. Fortunately, I feel like my current boyfriend is much more sincere in his words.

I completely agree with CW though that you should decide whether or not to have a baby for yourself, and not because you're in a relationship, unless you aren't in a spot to take care of a baby on your own.