When people go to lie, you usually catch them.
Well done Kitty!

Thanks.

Lay people, i.e. non-lawyers, do not begin to realise
the harm they do when they cause another to delay
in their prosecution of a matter.

Time is very often of the essence, for the inference
in a matter like this (as to why X leaves in March and
no action is taken until September?), is there was
some nefarious reason preventing action.

For example;

the plaintiff might be uncertain as to whom is the
actual father.

the plaintiff might be receiving money from a man
who believes he is the father, then he ceases to
remit sums, and the plantiff begins her 'daddy
shopping'.

etc.

The Defendant, will be able to aver that the woman
is of such low morality as to make his certainty of
being the father questionable and that he, far from
neglecting to pay maintenance for the child, was
never requested.

He can easily answer any question as to his acceptance
of being the father with a simple; "It's a cute baby and
I like it, so just as I would play with your son or your
daughter, I played with this child. I didn't really believe
it was mine."

The fact that 'Don', the Defendant in this matter can
live quite well without seeing his 'beloved' child or
'beloved' lover, is clear evidence that they mean and
meant nothing to him.

Attempts to re-engage the Plaintiff must be seen
as avoidance of legal action.

Simply put, if he rings her up today with protestations
of love and promises, they must be viewed in the light
that she could have died in April and he would be unaware
of it.

The tragedy of cases like this, which are quite common,
is that the mother of the child waits extremely long
before making her claim (if at all) and that the 'dreamworld'
she is encouraged to remain in becomes a nightmare once
a certain period of time has elapsed.

In one matter, the man was so adept at his evasion
that the child was eighteen years old before the woman
actually realised she had been duped.

Acting promptly works in favour of the woman.

Could you all just relax and calm down a bit! Seriously, this is still about me and not bashing others for trying to help, isn't it? People have a right to try and help by telling me what they think, even if you don't agree. You have the right to disagree, but you don't need to attack them! Kaylar and Stealthkitty.... you! I didn't get a court order because as I said, he DID go w/out one! He went to the courthouse for the DNA test last Fri. just like he was scheduled to go. My DNA test w/my ex-husband is already back and he was excluded from being her father, just like we knew he would be. Which means that in about a week and a half or so Don's results will be back to him proving he is her father and he will get the financial paperwork the next day and he WILL have to pay for her. I can go back to the day she was born to get child support for her and I plan on it. He isn't going to get off easy because I am not backing down. If he wants to live a miserable life forever with her, so be it, but he will have to support his child at least financially. No, he hasn't called, I don't expect him to. I can think all the happy thoughts in the world but it doesn't mean anything will change. People trying to give me a little hope doesn't mean they are lying to me or trying to decieve me. I sent him a Father's Day card to his work to make him feel bad w/pictures in it. I want him to see her and know he won't get away with ditching her. Yes, part of me would like him back, I still am in love with him, but most of me has given up because I am so hurt and angry. I don't care what happens to me, I only care about my daughter! You make it sound like I couldn't give a about her and I am doing things all wrong, off! I would never do anything that would hurt her or be wrong for her! She is my baby and he may want to run, but I will do everything I can to protect her! I am always here for her and will die for her! Don't ever make it sound like I am making bad choices for her, she is the only thing that matters! I don't mean to get testy but I am tired of you guys bickering at each other! For what? Are you accomplishing anything except for making each other sound good? YOU TWO need to get off your high horses and relax! As for Bluemoon and Tinkerbell, they are just trying to help and don't want to see someone in pain. They are trying to comfort me and give me the facts at the same time, it can be done. Just because someone words something gramatically incorrect doesn't mean they aren't going to be a good lawyer. Give people a chance to express their feelings, you 2 have obviously had the chance to get your more than 2 cents in, so let others respond too! Anway, like I said, the only thing that matters is my daughter and nobody better say otherwise! You don't know me, you just know the situation that I have described. I may have left some parts out because you guys can't shut up and just listen. I am here to figure out and if you don't like me, than quit responding. I just want advice, not people yelling at each other because they don't agree with what they are saying to me, I should be the only one who cares what people are saying to me. Whatever, I have things to do. I guess I'll check back here once I cool down. P.S. Bluemoon, if you want, give me your email and we can chat, I think I posted mine in an earlier post if you want it.

Firstly, this is a public forum.

Secondly, your story is very common
and it might help others who are about
to get involved, or involved with a married
man to see the final scene in the play.

It is good that you have proceeded, and
hopefully, the orders will be made in your
favour.

Now the question is this...if you had it
to do over again, would you do the same
things?

Imagine a woman where you were when you
met Don.

Don't you think if any word on these 13 screens
could prevent her from going through the months
of torture you have, is worth it?

Everything you are doing today could have been
done in April. Why did you hesitate?

If the Court determines he is the father, and
orders him to pay, and if he has so manipulated
his assets during the intervening period that your
daughter gets a fraction of what he would have paid
in April you have no one to blame but yourself.

Contrasts and differences of opinions are normal and healthy, and the reason why this forum has been put here in the first place. To all that have participated in this discussion, thank you--however, personal attacks and swearing at other members is not allowed here. If this happens again, this thread will become closed and offenders possibly kicked off our forum.

Please remember we are all here to help each other (please see Kaylar's 700+ posts to see how best to be able to help each other). And most importantly, always remember the "Golden Rule" --always remember to treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.

Thank you all for being loyal members to our Women's Health support forums.

I am sorry for swearing on this public forum, but I am not sorry for trying to defend myself. I feel like I have been personally attacked and I will not take that lying down. Kaylar might have posted millions of responses, but they are not necessarily "helpful". I have basically been called an idiot and been treated like dirt by people like Kaylar and Stealthkitty. It isn't fair for someone to attack people because they are "lawyers" and think that they know everything. Just so that you know Kaylar, I did NOT wait to do things when it all happened. I went in THAT WEEK and filed papers. It happened on Mon. and on Thurs. I had filed papers already! I waited for NOTHING! I didn't just sit in my own self-pitty and cry, I stood up and did something, the only thing I could do. If you didn't see that, it is your bad for missing it, you should pay more attention. Yes, it would be nice to save someone the pain I have gone through, but all of this bickering isn't going to do that. People are going to do whatever they want to, regaurdless of the "facts" but if you put feelings into the facts like I have tried to express maybe they will feel the pain and know to stay away. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone here, but I am just trying to stay sane. Like I said before, sorry to the Women's health forum, I will watch my language, but please pay attention to the attacks too, I have tried to be nice, I just need people to be gentle, and this forum certainly hasn't been gentle in any way.

Neither Kitty nor myself attacked you. We discussed
the issues, not the personas. It is the issues which
are of value.

If you reread the posts I tend to write in generalities.
I may post; "Most women..." "Many women..."
"Many clients..." as your situation is not unique.

From my first post I put the issues clearly, and
continued to explore all the issues, giving examples
where I felt they were necessary for clarity.

Stealthkitty is also a lawyer and has experience in
these matters as well.

There are other women on this very message board
who have become entangled with married men.

How to avoid becoming entangled, what to expect
during entanglement, and how to untangle your
life is really the focus.

Everyone woman who gets involved with a married
man is putting herself into a very very dangerous
situation.

One doesn't know what he does or says when he
is not with you, nor can take his 'versions' of his
marriage as gospel.

I think your anger is not really at myself or Kitty,
who are basically the words of reason or the
superego, I think it is with yourself for getting
involved in the first place.