I KNOW the pain of not wanting to be here anymore..and thank GOD we have our children...bc whe my moments get hard I remember that the moment I had my children I GAVE up any rights of taking the easy way out. They pull me through. The not knowing the what if that is what kills us...consumes our thoughts....how do you get through a day w/o thinking about them every single second...and you cant get why they cant even pick up the phone....trust me I GET it....just try and get through the days and TRY to remember that ALL of us even ones who get ourselves in horrible situations deserve to be loved by someone who loves us as much as we love the assholes.

xoxo

Yes, it is the waiting that is killing me. Not knowing what will happen next and when is what is making me crazy. I know I can't take the easy way out because just as you said, after you have kids you no longer have that option. Too bad men don't think the same thing; they seem to take the easy way out all the time either by just running or suicide. Why is it okay for them to abandon their children, and women know it isn't okay to do it? I know that isn't always the case, but you see it much more in men that disapear, ya know? Well, Fri. was really bad because I had a wonderful dream about things being all fine and him coming over w/his grandkids and then I must have still been sleeping because at like 4am I thought he was standing at the end of my bed, like he sometimes did getting into bed when he came late, but I went to reach for him and woke myself up and just started crying. In other words Fri. started out horrible with the thoughts of him consuming me. I tried to ignore it and distract myself, but nothing got rid of it. Sat. and Sun. were a bit better but now it is Mon. again and it has been 2 weeks now. I am so worried about what happens next and when. I called to make sure the CS stuff had been started and stuff, but other than that I guess all I can do is wait and pray. I don't know what the future holds, but I just hope that it will be okay and I can make it through. Some days are harder than others, especially when you feel like nobody knows how you feel and that they don't care. Like I said, thanks again and please stick around, I need the support!

I have been reading your story and peoples responses. Everything was dated April. It is now May and there has been nothing written since April, so I am wondering how you are doing now?

These posts are new...they just aren't dated.
The join date is what is posted...not the post
date.

Drama28, it sounds like each day is getting better for you. I have read all the posts since I left last week....my heart still aches for you. After reading everything that has been said, I know you probably take every word to heart. Statistics aren't an exact science, ya know? Every single situation is different. I still feel this man isn't being a turd because he hasn't contacted you...and I am sure there are a million reasons why. I am sure you will get your day of words with him. I know I have had heartache over someone that I have loved and knew there wouldn't be another moment with us together. It is a devastating feeling. A physical ache. I am sure that is what you are going through right now. I have said it before, and so have others here, time heals all wounds. I am still praying for the best outcome for YOU and your daughter. With or without him. IF it is without him, you will be shown someone else that will fill that void and more than make up for the hurt you are going through. It's almost like labor pains....once you get through the excruciating pain, you start to forget how horrible it was and start to enjoy all the beauty the pain brought. I am going to keep watching to see each day of progress. Keep venting...I loved how one of your posts was speaking directly to this man that has hurt you. That is a great healing tool. Use US as HIM and say everything to us that you would to him. If that makes sense. It allows you to yell at him even though he can't hear it!

Hi everyone~
Thanks so much for your help and concern. Things are okay today. The weekend was bad, but today is another day I guess. It is May 7 today and I am just trying not to think too far in advance. I have my b-day and our "supposed to be" 3 year anniversary in a few weeks. I am just trying to deal with the thoughts of Mother's Day on Sun. I think my ex-husband is getting something from my girls for me, but I am thinking about stuff like "I bet he is gonna get her something nice for Mother's day and I won't even get a call to thank me for raising his daughter" Last year he got her really nice earrings for Mothers day and she was mad cause he spent $ on them and since she was so ungrateful he told her he was never buying her anything again, and he actually stuck to that, even on her 50th b-day in Dec. he didn't get her anything. Now he is prob. trying to suck up and will get her something. :P I know I shouldn't think like that, I shouldn't even care. Some days I am okay, with the help of you guys and people from Myspace, it is nice to hear about people that care. Well, I better get back to the routine. I'll keep writing because it helps me, please keep writing me too! P.S. How was your "honeymoon" Tinkerbell?

You do sound somewhat more upbeat. I am sure you don't feel it, but from the tone of your response you sound a tiny bit stronger. I am sure you don't feel it. It is OK to have all the feelings and thoughts you are having. It is all part of the healing/dealing process. Your ex-husband sounds like he is a source of some help. That is always nice to have. Like you said before, things are so fresh right now...you never know what he is doing with his family, what he is thinking. I am sure there is guilt and hurt for him too. I remember you saying that he worked with your dad and other family members...is he still there? Do you live in a small town? What are the chances of you running into him or even his wife/daughter?
My honeymoon was wonderful. We went to Disneyland and on a cruise around Southern California. It was nice to get away. We have our own set of issues that we deal with all the time. So getting away was pretty important. Thank you for asking.

Yes, as time goes by I get a little stronger, but I also get more nervous and anxious. I feel like, it has been a little over 2 weeks now and I didn't even think he had the nerve to be gone this long, what if he dosen't come back. I know that I can't control any of it and thinking about what he is doing or thinking doesn't help much either. Today is just one of those days that I can't help but think. I bought him a really sappy card talking about how we don't know the future and love never said it was easy, but that I will always love him. Why did I even do that? I don't even know if I will ever get to give it to him or send it to him or if he'll even read it. It is prob. just a waste of $3 but I couldn't help it. I was looking for a sappy "I miss you daddy" card but couldn't find one. I took cute pics of our little girl with a shirt that says "I love Daddy" on it and when they get developed I want to try to send it to his work and see if he'll open it and feel bad. I know that prob. sounds bad, but I don't know what else to do. He has been there since day 1 and now been gone from her life for over 2 weeks that is totally uncalled for and irresponsible! ARGH!!!! Well, I guess it is just one moment at a time I guess. I am trying, I really am. I need to get back to things but wanted to vent and update for a minute. I am glad to hear your honeymoon went so great Tinkerbell! Everyone needs a vacation, I know I sure do! Hope to hear from you all again soon!