Thread: Never say never...please help

I have never been in this situation so I can not relate, but maybe you should try to put distance between the two of you. Stop going to lunch with him. It doesn't seem as if it is realistic for you to try to be friends with him, even if he isn't flirting with other people in your face, he is married and the type of relationship the two of you had was beyond friendship and, considering your feelings for him, can not be "just frendship" at this time, and maybe not ever.

This is just my opinion. I think once a relationship crosses the boundaries of friends to lovers, unless both parties on the same page (which the two of you are not) there is no going back!

sounds like he is on a bit of an ego trip

He cheated on his wife, why wouldnt he do the same to you? Thats how dishonest men behave.

I think the first thing is, why is this mans friendship important to you?

He's obviously not a friend. And in this case the term friendship is being used synonymously with "keeping you on the string". He had you, he's done, he's moved on to something new and exciting....something that hasn't developed into a "love" relationship yet, because thats when it gets sticky. She will become smitten, say the "l word" and eventually he'll move on to something new and exciting again. Keeping you on the string is his way of ensuring he never goes without, because you'll be his backup.

Almost every woman that gets into an affair with a married man, believes she loves that man, believes he is her soulmate, believes they are destined to be together and are victims of unfortunate circumstances where they can't fully be together. You must understand that as hard as it is to admit it, your situation is very little different from most other affairs.

He lies to his wife about you, he lies to you about the new girl, he'll lie to the new girl about the even newer girl, and he'll continue lying to his wife about all of you. Eventually wifey may find out and leave him. Then he'll remarry, and he'll do the same thing to his new wife. Why expect honesty from this man?

Now you're at the point of potentially ruining your career/job as well. It's time to get a hold of yourself. You are not his friend. He is NOT your friend. You've played the fool, admit it, accept it, and MOVE ON. You cannot change what you've done, but you can change what you do going forward.

I feel for you, because your feelings were obviously strong enough to state your anger infront of people that had nothing to do with the situation. But Like the others have said, he'll continue doing what works for him... and I know you feel horrible but just think about what his wife feels everyday knowing or not knowing that her husband does not respect their Marriage vows.
Stand up straight and move on like nothing happened, when he jokes or flirts with you kindly reply and leave it at that. No lunches, no rendevous, and don't intertain the idea that he might change because he WILL NOT. IMO that is the only way to regain your self-respect.

I am not going to pass judgement on you for having an affair with a married man... but the thing you have to understand about unfaithful men... is that they are UNFAITHFUL. If he will cheat on a woman he pledged to love and cherish and forever be true to a woman in front of God and his family and was unable to keep that promise for HER... he's not going to be able to keep true for the co-worker he's having an affair with... or the one of after that... or the cute coctail waitress he takes to a hotel etc etc.

When a married man comes on to you, its not because you are special and that he's only breaking his vows for you and you alone... its because his character is weak in general.

I know you are hurting and fell in love with him... but there was nothing positive that could have stemmed from this other than the fleeting passion that was felt. He HAS to move on to other women because thats part of the thrill of the married man that cheats generally. He's already got a stable relationship... he's cheating for the no-strings passion and when that affair becomes a relationship... he's going to seek out a new affair with no strings and passion because thats what he's always only been after.

You are not wrong for having emotions for him, for having hurt feelings when he went on to the other co-worker, but you need to realize what you are pining for and that if he were to come back to you, how it would surely happen again as he has demonstrated his inability to focus on only one women, even 2 women isn't enough to fill his needs..

He's no prize, he will only bring you the same heartache, as he demonstrated already, that he's brought to his wife and will bring to any woman that allows him to worm his way in. I think letting him go and moving on would be the best thing for you at this point. Feel pity for this new woman he's with, not jealousy... for the same thing he did to you he will do to her, and the next one as well.