Stupid crush on a co-worker! How do I get over it?

**echoskybound** · 09-18-2010 12:33 AM

My boyfriend and I are trying to deal with distance in our relationship, and it's been kind of stressful because he's without a job and can't live with me. Meanwhile I just recently got a fantastic new job where I've met a lot of great people. My life has been busy and our relationship falls to the back of my mind sometimes, and for the first time since I've been with him, I've found another guy somewhat attractive. I have a very interesting/unique friendship developing with the co-worker I share my office with, and I can't help but feel I'm crushing on the guy (possibly mutual, but no real way to tell.) However, I really don't think this is a good thing to have around the work environment, and I don't want to put my poor boyfriend through anything like this. Somehow, I don't find my coworker physically attractive at all, I think I just like the way we get along, but I really don't want it going in a weird direction. How do you get that stupid crush to stop nagging you in the back of your head!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-18-2010 01:21 AM

Your missing things, he's filling that void...

Try to see it that way, and only that way and remind yourself of the love you have for your boyfriend.

The other side, is that your time with your boyfriend is up, your love isn't deep enough and your moving in different directions in your life, therefore, your finding others attractive, the physical, not yet, because you haven't acknowledged to yourself this is the case, it's at it's end.

Which one do you think it is

CW

**echoskybound** · 09-18-2010 01:37 AM

Thanks CW! Good question.. I'm not sure because I'm not really used to having crushes on other guys, actually, lol. I love my boyfriend dearly and I don't think our time is up, I think that sometimes I just start to forget the best things about him when I only get to interact with him through a phone. I'm not sure how long we'll be apart, it depends on when he gets a job, and maybe it's the fear of the possibility of my boyfriend never being able to live with me that makes my eye wander. I guess when it starts to feel like a relationship kinda comes down to a half-hour phonecall, it's hard not to want to have the thrill of something new and flirty. It's just hard to ignore the crush on the co-worker when I spend 8 hours a day with him building a friendship. I really want to avoid it getting awkward!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-18-2010 02:11 AM

Then it's the first one huh

Why do you say that there is a possibility that he will never live you ?

Missing all that you are, you have to want a thrill, your ownly human sweet..

I don't know how you can avoid a crush, given I have used the love word, as to me that avoids all...

That's why I posed the question.. Because I could flirt till the cows home, but never, ever, want to consider someone else, when in love

**Mes T** · 09-18-2010 08:50 PM

I clearly remember the first time I had a crush on someone else when I was in a committed relationship with my ex.

I didn't realize it back then, but in hindsight I see that that was the beginning of the end for my relationship. Not because of the crush itself... but the reasons for it.

**Deenie88** · 09-19-2010 12:27 PM

I almost hate to admit it but I have had a few crushes over the past years on co-workers (while in an unhappy marriage). The most recent was just before my marriage was truly falling apart (finally). I am certain now that I allowed myself to "crush" on them as a way of staying "alive" and so that I could still be hopeful that I could be loved, as I was in a loveless and emotionally abusive marriage. I am not saying that your relationship is on the rocks or in the process of ending but it is something to think about...are you telling yourself something subconsciously? one point I would like to make is that nothing ever happened except mild flirting with this last co-worker and now we are actually friends. Mostly I just enjoyed the conversation and genuine caring by a man that I was not getting in my marriage relationship I suppose. I doubt that the co-worker would have "done" anything about it since he had a girlfriend and because he is just a really nice guy. It filled a need in me to be "noticed" by a man and we were really in the end, just friends. So what I take away from the crush was that it helped me and gave me strength to leave a bad marriage.