Boys, is this considered flirting?

**Tiffa** · 09-20-2010 09:56 AM

I got his old phone and when I logged onto facebook from it, I automatically got logged onto his profile. I couldnt resist and I know it was wrong, but I snooped around his emails. I found this one (he sent it recently), and just want to know if this is considered flirting before I confess my wrong-doings and give him grief...

""

(her name), this is no front on my behalf, although I was two years above you at (schools name) I remember you from high school and i think i saw you at the (shop) this afternoon. I was going to say hi but for the life of me, i couldnt remember your name until now! My, you have become a beautiful girl. If i had remembered your name when I saw you I would have told it to your face.

You better use those stunning features!

I hope you're well and loving life.

Take care.

""

What do you think??

**pretzel** · 09-20-2010 10:04 AM

Originally Posted by Tiffa

I got his old phone and when I logged onto facebook from it, I automatically got logged onto his profile. I couldnt resist and I know it was wrong, but I snooped around his emails. I found this one (he sent it recently), and just want to know if this is considered flirting before I confess my wrong-doings and give him grief...

""

(her name), this is no front on my behalf, although I was two years above you at (schools name) I remember you from high school and i think i saw you at the (shop) this afternoon. I was going to say hi but for the life of me, i couldnt remember your name until now! My, you have become a beautiful girl. If i had remembered your name when I saw you I would have told it to your face.

You better use those stunning features!

I hope you're well and loving life.

Take care.

""

What do you think??

Outside of what I bolded?

Me personally wouldn't have said those things to her.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-20-2010 11:06 AM

I really don't think it's appropriate when you're in a relationship to look someone up you don't even really know (just remember from high school) to tell them how beautiful they've become. I dunno, the message to me had flirty undertones and leaves the door open for her to contact him back and start up some communication. Running into her, thinking she's beautiful is fine..........looking her up and emailing her to tell her so, not appropriate in my book. But that's just me.

**Tiffa** · 09-20-2010 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

I really don't think it's appropriate when you're in a relationship to look someone up you don't even really know (just remember from high school) to tell them how beautiful they've become. I dunno, the message to me had flirty undertones and leaves the door open for her to contact him back and start up some communication. Running into her, thinking she's beautiful is fine..........looking her up and emailing her to tell her so, not appropriate in my book. But that's just me.

This is really not like him, although we did have a problem about a month ago with him flirting with another girl at a music festival he went to. He was very honest with me though.

He is a very sweet guy and I know that he would never 'cheat' on me but you are right, this opens doors... So what approach do you think I should take?? I don't want to make a scene but I do need him to know that this is not appropriate...

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-20-2010 11:35 AM

I would expect that he already knows it's not appropriate. What do you think his reaction would be if he found out you were saying things like that to another guy?

The thing is, you shouldn't have to catch him in order for him to know something is not appropriate. Because then you will always ask yourself, "how far would this have gone if i hadn't caught him?".

I'm hoping some of the others here can give you advice on how to handle it with him. It's a hard one to know exactly what to do.

**lizzardb63** · 09-20-2010 12:05 PM

I had a very similar experience. My boyfriend (at the time) had been texting his ex. I just felt something wasn't right with him. So I sat him down and asked him "where in your opinion is our relationship" and when I got the expected "i dunno" response I asked "what is going on with you. REALLY. Do you still want to be with me or are you interested in being single or with someone else." but I didn't say it mean or accusingly, I just said it like we're having a heart to heart discussion. (If you pounce on him about it, it will end up in a fight). After that talk, he confessed he still had feelings for his ex. That was a hard pill to swallow. I stayed with him. We were together for 1 1/2 years at that point. I struggled with trust issues after that, and basically I should have just ended our relationship then. Two years later it ended anyway. If they aren't truly in it with everything they are, then honestly....what's the point?

**lizzardb63** · 09-20-2010 12:06 PM

Just to add, you don't deserve to have a guy who is going to flirt with other women, especially in front of you. It's disrespectful and if he truly loved you, he wouldn't even consider flirting with someone else. It's too easy to go past the line of cheating then. He shouldn't put himself in those tempting situations. He needs to think of YOU.

**Tiffa** · 09-20-2010 12:12 PM

Everything all of you have said so far makes so much sense. I really didn't want to overreact but this is crossing the line a bit. If he's not 100% in this relationship then I don't want to be with him.

His best friend is a single, womanizer and I think that maybe this might be having an effect on him. His friend is one of my best friends since before we started dating so I know he's not encouraging my boyfriend to do anything other than be with me but I understand how in a guys eyes, the single friend might be having more fun.

I have been upset regarding other things, like less sex and i've been having trust issues, (and I snooped), and I'm not happy with the lack of romance on his part and his lack of inthusiasm to be playful and flirtatious. But this weekend he spoke of moving in together, travelling together etc, which is really confusing because if he wants to flirt with other girls, why is he speaking about the kind of things only long-term, committed couples do?

I think he is confused. Would it be best to take a break from the relationship?

**Mes T** · 09-20-2010 01:02 PM

I think you have to have a heart to heart discussion. There's no way to really know what's going on in his head otherwise.

**echoskybound** · 09-22-2010 12:07 AM

Personally, I think it would be s strange move if either myself or my boyfriend were to go out of our ways like this to let someone know that they're attractive. I would imagine that this kind of introduction is meant to be a way of catching her attention and try to make an impression on her. If I were her... I'd find id pretty strange to be getting an e-mail like this, heh. Generally people flirt when they feel their relationship is lacking... and for some reason he's not telling you that he thinks something is lacking. Has be been acting different lately? Has he been behaving weird which made you feel the need to look at his e-mails?