am I just a loner?

**Jayla2251** · 09-20-2010 11:29 AM

Growing up I had a ton of friends, very many best friends. In high school that changed, my sophmore year I got busted for pot and didnt go to school the rest of the year, which was actually only like 2 weeks left. That summer was basically nothing, I was grounded lol. I didnt talk to many people at all. (lived in the country all my friends lived in citites around) The next year I was a "sophmore" again but had mainly classes with my old 'classmates' and only a few that were the kids under me. No one talked to me, and I didnt talk to anyone. Well except one person, she remained my friend and was the only one I talked too. This hit me hard as a teen. The next year, desperate to get out of that place, I went to a program designed for kids that were behind on graduating. I got in, basically the only reason was because I had gotten busted, I would have actually graduated on time had I stayed in regular school. I was there 6 months and was done and graduated. I had actually made friends with some of the people there. I was 17 then. Same ole storry time goes on and people drift apart. I gained a lot of weight and I actually feared seeing people I knew from HS days. I'm over this now. I feel like I dont even have time for friends. I work m-f 8am-5pm...I get home between 5:30 and 6:30, then hang out with my bf and relax watch some TV go to bed. My weekends I am so busy. I dont have time to clean during the week, so I do that, sometimes I volunteer for animal transports so that's a good 5 hours, if I need grocerys go shopping, so on. And imagine that, sometimes I just want a day to do nothing! lol. I wish I had friends to talk to. I have one, that same girl from HS, I consider her my best friend other than my bf. She knows EVERYTHING about me, as I do her. We dont get to tlk a lot. She lives about 2 hours away so I dont hardly ever get to see her. But we email eachother and basically keep in good contact that way. Which I really like, because it's a time thing, I can email her when I need to talk about someting, and she can email me when she gets a chance. No, call me right now. I've had this other friend for a really long time, since I was about 16...but she's weird. The only times she wants to have anything to do with me are when she's single or bored. I am the "god mother" to her daughter (maybe the second one too, I have no idea) there was never a service or anything. And I really know that if anything happened her mother would be the one who would take them (not that I wouldnt but she LOVES kids and would probably fight me to death to keep them lol). I just feel weird that I only have those two, and the latter is not really even a friend. It's mostly for her use friendship, only when she wants/needs something. Never interested in my life. With all the bad friendships I've had I dont look for any. I know a lot of people from the internet which have been there for me when I needed. I have a good relationship for the most part with my mom and sister and SIL.

Am I a weirdo that I dont have a big cirlcle or group of friends?!?! I feel like you see for the most part, women have a ton of friends and have all this. I just feel really weird being only 22, and feeling like I'm still a complete loner. And girls my age have tons of friends. Maybe I'm wrong?

**pretzel** · 09-20-2010 11:50 AM

Me, personally, I'd rather have one or two "best friends" than a couple dozen "friends". But that's me. I'm comfortable being by myself.

**lizzardb63** · 09-20-2010 11:58 AM

Well, it sounds like you haven't found many "true" friends in your life. If it bothers you, then you need to put yourself out there to meet new people. I don't know if you're a drinker, but you don't have to be to go out to the clubs, or shoot pool in a bar or something. Join a gym. Not only will that help you with your self image and help you feel better about yourself, but that's another place that you can meet people. All of my closest friends I've only met over the course of 3 years. I am currently 25. Personally, people change after high school, you're bound to grow apart from people. Even after 25 I know I'm going to grow apart from people, but if you're unhappy about it, then you might have to take the intiative and meet new people on your own.

**Little.Chuck** · 09-20-2010 11:58 AM

There is no right and wrong

Whatever makes you happy. Are you happy with only having the 2 friends or do you want more friends. If your happy, I dont see a problem with it. If you want to make more friends and only having 2 makes you feel miserable then maybe its time to decrease your work hours, even if its only for one night a week and go to a local pub/bar/gym/class. Maybe a cooking class or something would be good for you? A night time class maybe? You could learn something new and make more friends at the same time.

**Texinator** · 09-20-2010 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by Jayla2251

And girls my age have tons of friends.

I think people use the term friend a bit too loosely sometimes. They may think they have tons of friends, but in reality they probably have tons of acquaintances and just a handful of true friends.

**Jayla2251** · 09-20-2010 12:27 PM

Thanks for the replies! I'm not unhappy or misrable, although it would be nice to have a real friend to talk to sometimes that's closer to me. I would love to take a cooking class or something like that, so I might just do that! And if I meet someone, then that's even better. At least it makes me feel normal that others dont look at me as not normal!

**tesoro** · 09-20-2010 08:19 PM

The most important opinion of you is your own. Who are these people who look at you as not normal? How are they right to judge you or anyone else. What really matters is how you feel about yourself. There are many people who enjoy their own company or a few true friends in their life. Most people who seem to have "tons" of friends are probably wishing they had some really close, true friends they could count on for anything. I agree with Tex, the term is used very loosely these days. Don't put too much weight on what other people think of you - focus on your own thoughts and always look at the positives!