Thread: 23 years old: no friends, never been on a date

If you are really pretty it is quite possible that you are considered unapproachable. If you don't talk to guys first, a lot of them will feel nervous about starting a conversation with a pretty girl that they don't know well. Then your nervousness may come off as lack of interest.

You need to meet people in non-romantic situations first. Do you ever go to lunch with your co-workers? Have you tried asking them - ask several people, you aren't looking for a date, just to go places with people.

I don't know what your job is, so the next is just random guesses (if you let me know what sort of job you have, I might have better suggestions):

Bring a bag of bagels (doughnuts, whatever) to work and hand out to people in the break room.

Next time you need to go into someone's office for work, find an excuse for a quick social interaction: Where is that picture on your wall from?

Put something interesting in your office / cube / workspace (if allowed). An odd picture, some unusual item. Something that will give others an excuse to say something to you.

Often it is just a case of providing an excuse to break the ice. Then, don't think romance at all - just generally being social. Talk with people a bit. As you are seen as more open and friendly, there will be more excuses to talk to people. Try to be happy - smile - its no fun being around someone who is unhappy.

You will of course run into jerks - but they are pretty unusual once you are out of high school.

Keep your eyes open for other people in the same situation who are sitting in their offices just wishing someone would come talk to them. (I was like this in high school and know how it feels. Everyone thought I was stuck-up when actually I just couldn't get the nerve up to talk to anyone else - and wished they would talk to me).

I don't think this has anything to do with your physical appearance at all. I think it has to do with what is in your mind. The person you've decided that you are, is holding back the person you truly are and the person you can be.

While I don't want to minimize what you went through as a child, because I think that kids can be very mean and bullying is a horrible thing.....I do think that bullying and being made fun of is something many of us experienced. It affects us all differently, but you're grown now. When do you leave that little girl behind and tell her you've grown up now and don't need her bringing you down anymore?

My suggestion, perhaps some therapy if you're willing, to help you work through your childhood so that you can leave it behind. We all have our childhood demons, but we'd never make it anywhere in life if we held on to them. My other suggestion is do something nice for yourself. Go get yourself a new hair cut or color, a new outfit or two, etc. If you hate your job, keep it but look for another one in the meantime. Join a local gym. Go regularly and try to attend some aerobics classes. Be friendly, strike up conversations with people, find some common interests, and start befriending them. You cannot sit around and wait for people to befriend you. You CAN find people that start out as acquaintances and may perhaps end up as friends that you can plan things with. If you're religious, consider visitng churches that have "singles" classes. There are also "young professional" groups in alot of areas.

And as for your back, I went through that. The BEST thing I ever did was start going to a chiropractor. He has helped me immensely. Trust me, I know how hard it is to be in a good friendly mood when your back aches and is uncomfortable. But you're young and there's no reason you can't get it taken care of. Get into a chiropractor and get yourself all fixed up.

You're overanalyzing yourself. You're not the little girl that got made fun of anymore. You're not her, she's gone. You are a woman, an attractive intelligent person, a college graduate, someone worthy of happiness and love. So what are you waiting for?

First of all, thanks to everyone for taking the time to respond.

First of all, I'd love to go to the chiropractor, but there's no way on earth I could afford it. And my parents are always saying that they're not going to be able to do a thing for me. I'd go to a regular doctor maybe, but with my crappy insurance, it'll cost a fortune just for the visit, and then they'll want to do all these x-rays and tests. I'd go back to therapy,(I was gthere when I was a child and have taken Prozac ever since), but again, I can't afford it. I just have too many problems and not enough money to fix any of them.

I work at a store that's similar to Wal-Mart. I straighten stuff on the shelves and put stuff back. That pretty much sums up the job. And it is unbelievably difficult to be in a good mood when you're doing a job like that, with your back hurting. I live in Michigan, so finding a better job in our economy isn't as easy as it should be.

It annoys me that people think that I have to be the one to approach everyone and make friends. Why is it all up to me? Other people can make a bit of an effort too. It shouldn't be all up to me.

I don't want to snap at you guys, I know you're trying to help, but I'm fustrated. I do get fustrated when people say "It was in the past, you're responsible for what's happened since." By running me out of school they derailed my life, and I haven't been able to get it back on track. No, I haven't forgiven them. And yes, I am bitter. It's not just them I had to deal with. Many of my childhood memories of my father are of him screaming at me and being verbally abusive. When I was 14 he told me that my birth was a sick joke. While he's better now, we still don't get along well and he has his moments sometimes. I have a lot of anger inside me because of this stuff, and I actually yell and thrash in my sleep every night. EVne when I don't remember dreaming about anything bad, I'm yelling angrily in my sleep.

I don't know what I'm trying to convey here, but I get upset when people say "Ah, we've all been bullied, but we deal it and don't take it into adulthood." I want to say, well good for you guys. Maybe your experiences were different than mine. Again, I don't want to sound angry. But when people think I'm blowing things out of proportion, I want to tell them that there are plenty of people who, were they in my situation, would have killed themselves at some point past. I personally would not do sucha thing, but the fact remains.

What's holding me back? Social anxiety, I suppose. And the fact that not only do I have difficulty talking to people, they usually make no effort to talk to me. And probably the fact that I am bitter about my situation, but again, who wouldn't be? By the way, I don't know why this site makes my PC freak out, but I can't edit posts to fix mistakes or anything without the cursor jumping all over the place. It's like my computer's posessed when I try to type on here.

Maybe people aren't approaching you or making an effort because you are so bitter. People can pick up on that attitude and those vibes and it's probably driving people away more than you know.